Learning how to write the Air Force way

Platapus · 09-25-21, 08:07 AM

I retired from active duty over 20 years ago and have recently been hired as a DAF civilian. Needless to say, somethings have changed since I was in.

I was asked to write up a nomination package for a quarterly award for a person in my division. I like writing this stuff and the individual deserved this recognition.

The nomination instructions mandated 4 and 2 bullets not to exceed one line in the form. No more, no less.

That seemed a bit overly restrictive, but I gave it a good shot.

Here is what I wrote. It took me a long time to get it to fit one line on the stupid form.

LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY:

- Unit lead for the Office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence and Security, Oversight Review.
- Developed novel schema for managing 4,882 documents, during COVID Precautions, resulting in zero deficiencies.
- Airman's leadership across unit's six divisions at two locations ensured document delivery 14 days before deadline.
- Unit received an Excellent rating and personal recognition by the Director of HUMINT and Sensitive Activities (SA).

WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT:

- Selected as the inaugural Chair for the five person Air Force Sensitive Activities Office Workforce Advisory Council.
- Manages seven SA portfolios spanning three Major Commands and Direct Reporting Units and US Space Force.

Upon submitting up for review, it was pointed out that my assumption that this needed to be written in English was incorrect. Based on the review of two people who have a long history of getting their nominations approved, this was the final version of my nomination package.

LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY:
- Led ovrsight prep; herd'd 3 GSUs, recap'd IT/dvlpd collab cape--incr'd eff 35%/DoD-rated '#1/23 ofcs/highly effective'
- Guided MAJCOM evals; dvlpd DoD best practice, coach'd/trn'd 3 tm lds--upheld 100% compliance/zero msn exposure
- Partnered w/USSF; replied to 11 RFIs/influenced cape pln'g--shaped force readiness decisions/sustain'd Nat'l Security
- Dvlp'd mgmt scheme f/4.9K class docs; pre-rvw'd 2 Svcs/3 MAJCOMs/3 DRUs remotely--cut 32 TDY dys/75% cost

WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT:
- Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd charter/bylaws--addr'd DEOCS concerns/2-ltr Dir's #1 pri
- Exploited AI data Masters pgm; rsrch'd/dvlpd 2 inits f/enhanc'd knwldg mgmt/analytics--cement'd future ops decisions

What the hell is this???
I know this guy and what he did and I can’t understand this!!!

It is a strange language they use and I gota a lotta learnin' to do.

09-25-21, 08:07 AM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,360 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Learning how to write the Air Force way I retired from active duty over 20 years ago and have recently been hired as a DAF civilian. Needless to say, somethings have changed since I was in. I was asked to write up a nomination package for a quarterly award for a person in my division. I like writing this stuff and the individual deserved this recognition. The nomination instructions mandated 4 and 2 bullets not to exceed one line in the form. No more, no less. That seemed a bit overly restrictive, but I gave it a good shot. Here is what I wrote. It took me a long time to get it to fit one line on the stupid form. LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY: - Unit lead for the Office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence and Security, Oversight Review. - Developed novel schema for managing 4,882 documents, during COVID Precautions, resulting in zero deficiencies. - Airman's leadership across unit's six divisions at two locations ensured document delivery 14 days before deadline. - Unit received an Excellent rating and personal recognition by the Director of HUMINT and Sensitive Activities (SA). WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT: - Selected as the inaugural Chair for the five person Air Force Sensitive Activities Office Workforce Advisory Council. - Manages seven SA portfolios spanning three Major Commands and Direct Reporting Units and US Space Force. Upon submitting up for review, it was pointed out that my assumption that this needed to be written in English was incorrect. Based on the review of two people who have a long history of getting their nominations approved, this was the final version of my nomination package. LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY: - Led ovrsight prep; herd'd 3 GSUs, recap'd IT/dvlpd collab cape--incr'd eff 35%/DoD-rated '#1/23 ofcs/highly effective' - Guided MAJCOM evals; dvlpd DoD best practice, coach'd/trn'd 3 tm lds--upheld 100% compliance/zero msn exposure - Partnered w/USSF; replied to 11 RFIs/influenced cape pln'g--shaped force readiness decisions/sustain'd Nat'l Security - Dvlp'd mgmt scheme f/4.9K class docs; pre-rvw'd 2 Svcs/3 MAJCOMs/3 DRUs remotely--cut 32 TDY dys/75% cost WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT: - Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd charter/bylaws--addr'd DEOCS concerns/2-ltr Dir's #1 pri - Exploited AI data Masters pgm; rsrch'd/dvlpd 2 inits f/enhanc'd knwldg mgmt/analytics--cement'd future ops decisions What the hell is this??? I know this guy and what he did and I can’t understand this!!! It is a strange language they use and I gota a lotta learnin' to do. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.