The “M” word. But don’t say it!

[Platapus]

I came across this article talking about (lowering voice) masturbation. SHH!!!!!

http://christwire.org/2011/01/4chan-...eenagers-to-m/

4Chan Uses Pornographic Images to Force Teenagers to “M”

The article skirts the issue of how can a website FORCE teenagers to.. well you know. While they won’t use the actual “M” word, the writers of this article use some interesting euphemisms

This online web ring has a evil plot to force your boy into wanting to touch his flesh sword with sexual intent.

/b/ is a universal term used by hackers to let them know a forum is filled with “bad” content. Since kids didn’t want their parents to know their were demon whacking in their rooms to produce devil DNA, they would make computer folders named /b/ to throw their parents off.

Epic: 
Epic is a elite word used by these masturbating monkey mashers to described a image that has the most porn scent to it. If you hear your child use this word, then you know to look through his internet browser’s history to see if he has been cruising on hell’s highway.

Oops, the editor missed that!

...exposing your child to devil temptations that are unnatural to do.

Allowing your child to perform self made sexual solo acts on himself will harden his soul and he will become Satan’s charcoal.

Satan’s charcoal?

A good way to keep you son from doing “M”, just let him know the spirits of his dead relatives are watching him as he is pounding himself in adult wet dreamland.

I have heard many a colorful term for Polishing the ole Bayonet, but these are quite inventive.

I think Masturbating Monkey Mashers is epic from an alliterative viewpoint.

If we were not meant to masturbate, how come our arms are just the right length?

[CCIP]

[edit]

4Chan has been linked to masturbation in 87%
4Chan has been linked to poor grades in 34%
4Chan has been linked to disrespectful attitudes towards parents in 53%
4Chan has been linked to pre-martial sex in 82%
4Chan has been linked to obsession with Asian females having sex with tentacles in 65%
4Chan has been linked to pre-martial sex in 82%
4Chan has been linked to serial killer thoughts in 22%
4Chan has been linked to atheism in 9%

I wonder how they got these numbers. Lab studies?

Also I love the specificity about the Asian females, and the doubling of [sic] "pre-martial sex" ...

[Platapus]

I have to admit that the picture of the two asian ladies with the octopuses (octopi) on their heads sucking on the tentacles had me scratching my head (and that is not a euphemism).

I am pretty kinky and pretty understanding of other people's kinks. But the octopus thing is squarely in my WTF zone.

Actually I am more concerned if any of the octopi were hurt as they are intelligent animals and animals can not give consent.

[Platapus]

Parent knocking on Son's bedroom door.. Bang Bang. "Johnny, what are you doing in there?"

"Nothing Mom"

"Johnny are you demon whacking in your room producing devil DNA?"

"No Mom"

"Johnny, you know that self made sexual solo acts on youself will harden your soul and you will become Satan’s charcoal."

(snicker, she said harden) "I know Mom I know."

"Johnny, you know the spirits of your dead relatives are watching you if you are pounding yourself in adult wet dreamland?

(Great aunty Doris. She was hot in her day. MMMmmmmm Chicka Chicka Wawa)

"Johnny?"

"What Mom! I'm not doing anything!"

[Tchocky]

Mission for tomorrow is to work at least one of those euphemisms into a conversation

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by Tchocky

Mission for tomorrow is to work at least one of those euphemisms into a conversation

Take a trip round the horn?

[nikimcbee]

[insert Dowly joke here]

[Buddahaid]

"4Chan has been linked to obsession with Asian females having sex with tentacles in 65%"

It's what's for dinner!

[gimpy117]

i bet there will be a thread on /b/ similar to this soon.

[UnderseaLcpl]

I have to admit, seeing this article was one of those times that I was amazed that I share a professed Saviour with these people. I was truly baffled as to how they could interpret any part of anything in this world or the bible in such a way until I realized that it is truly they who are the sexual degenerates, walking around with those huge poles up their arses all the time.

[Takeda Shingen]

Guys, it's satire.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire

[Platapus]

Underseacpl, I believe the term you are looking for is "perversion" and it fits at multiple levels of what you wrote.

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by Takeda Shingen

Guys, it's satire.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire

Lance fail

[Platapus]

Originally Posted by Takeda Shingen

Guys, it's satire.

You need to check out their weather and sports page.

From their Q/A page

We thought it would be a super great idea to allow our readers to ask us some questions in hopes to bring them closer to God. Of course, like all things, there were some bad apples who asked some atheistic and liberal questions. They were ignored.
Why does Satan always want anal sex?
Satan wants males to crave the act of sin docking in hopes to corrupt and control their souls. This is why Gays are deemed unholy and living, breath devil children. Performing anal sex is a fast ticket to Hellville.
Who is your favourite musician?
Amy Grant. Here voice is of the angels and you can hear her music being played at most of our teen dance events.
Can God make hott vampires exist? Also, where can I get the best croissant in town?
God can create anything he wishes. I doubt he would make a vampire, as they are demonic figures. For your second question, I goto Billy’s Best Bagels on 3rd.
Will there be goldfish crackers in heaven?
The soul does not require food in Heaven. So no, there will be no crackers in heaven.

[Reece]

Originally Posted by Platapus

If we were not meant to masturbate, how come our arms are just the right length?