Pepe Manuel El Magnificent: A Tropico AAR (with lots of shiny pictures)

[Hottentot]

Preface: I remember seeing a Tropico thread here not too long ago, so I take it many of you know the game already. For those of you who don't, our friend Wikipedia is very helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tropico.


Basically, Tropico is a game where you get to be the dictator of your very own Caribbean island and exploit it and its inhabitants in any way you want. As those of you who have played the game know, Tropico can be full of nasty, weird and downright absurd situations with its moody little people and more or less unstable rulers. So I thought it might be a nice game of choice for a humorous after action report.


This is my first attempt at anything like this, so bear with me. I'm planning to divide this into parts with each part consisting of 10 game years plus this first part where I introduce the starting points. The length of the game is 50 years, so it shouldn't be ridiculously long, but enough to have something actually happen before the ending.


So, uh...enjoy, I guess. I'll let my awesome alter ego do the talking from now on.


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PART ONE: THE GLORIOUS BEGINNING


Buenos días! My name is Pepe Manuel. I'm the new El Presidente of the fine island of Tropico. In this autobiography of mine I will be describing the life and times of the most handsome and cunning fellow I have ever met, that is, me. This is also a story about how I turn the small poor island of Tropico into a prosperous happyland, charm beautiful señoritas, drink booze and make lots of money while letting everyone know how awesome I am. Sounds great, right? Of course it's great. Just like me. So keep reading. Maybe you will learn something and can one day be as awesome as me, yours truly, Pepe Manuel El Presidente.


Because most people of Tropico are illate...iletu...illuteriateria...CAN'T READ, I will also share with you many photos from my personal El Presidente Photoalbum.


So let us start. You know, I have always wondered how you should start things like this. Let's try something modest and original, just like I am as a person. So...


In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth.


This is me. I'm handsome. That's why the señoritas like me.


Before I became El Presidente, I used to work at a farm. In that sense I'm like that Jesus guy who also became savior of the world even though he was born in a barn. Then I got pissed off at the former El Presidentte Numero 283's repressive alcohol policy and decided to let him know about it. In that sense I am also like that Jesus person who wrote that Bible book. Mine is better, though.




OK, so it didn't work, because apparently El Presidentte Numero 283 couldn't read either. So I staged this rebellion with my great looks and awesome speeches.


Oh yeah, and then I promised free booze for everyone else too and the people wanted me to become the next El Presidente. Who am I to argue?


I am good at getting stuff done. I can arrange my liquor collection with a blindfold on!


I am also very good at finding new ways at charming señoritas.


I am a very social person too. People like me a lot. Well, except those buddies of that Jesus person. They got it all wrong. I am not anti-religion at all. The dude turned water into wine! He is, like, my idol! I want him here to tell me, how we can do that to that stupid useless sea that surrounds our fine island of Tropico.


And then of course, I am gorgeous, intelligent, big, strong, hard working, famous, modest and generally speaking awesome. But you already knew that, right?


This is our fine island of Tropico. I was born and raised here like most Tropicans. For some reason the rest of the world hasn't yet understood that we are the center of everything and they mostly ignore us. Well, that is going to change.


So, this is my empire. Let's take a closer look.


Uh...

OK, so in retrospect that torch and can of gasoline wasn't maybe such a hot idea after all. I had to make a point, it was a revolution! I was young and needed money!

This is my house. You can also see my fine neighborhood on the right. See, I'm a nice guy and let them live near my awesomeness. What more could they hope for?

As El Presidente, I must be able to do the most important things first. That's what El Presidentism For Dummies tells me. So I will start my career by correcting Tropico's most horrible mistake first.

Better. Now let's see what our glorious farms produce... (to be continued)