To All Employees

[ajrimmer42]

Dear employees,


Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme. (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW programme. (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as Management deems appropriate .


Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
S*** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has
always prided itself on the amount of S*** it gives employees. Should
you feel that you not do receive enough S***, please bring it to the
attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all
the S*** you can handle.


Sincerely,

The management.