You know what's bull****? Smugglers, greedy overweight people and unfair dinner bills

[TteFAboB]

1st - Smugglers:

I was delighted to discover [ANONYMOUS AIRLINE] now charges a fee for any number of bags above 2 per passenger, incrementally, on international flights (besides the old overweight charge). I was delighted because recent observation of bull**** behavior enlightened me to the reality of smart assness: smart asses do exist, and they're out there taking advantage of you. Allow me to explain.

First, assume for a moment the importance of passenger fares for an airline's income (excluding cargo carriers, of course). I don't know if airlines primarily draw their income from the flight tickets or if they simply have a Money Tree hidden somewhere (perhaps they just print their money at home with their HP Deskjet like me) [note: that was a joke attempt], but I think we can safely assume the revenue from tickets is a relatively important piece of the pie.

Now, let's put the administrative costs of the company aside and distinguish between the costs of flying an airplane. To fly an airplane the company must pay:

1. the purchase/lease cost of the aircraft itself (including decor and gadgets)
2. Duct tape and WD-40 (i.e. maintenance)
3. Staff (flight crew)
4. Fuel

Taxes and the several airport fees and costs are abstracted and set aside as administrative costs. Perhaps the price/rent could be set aside aswell. The important thing is that we agree Fuel is no minor cost in the operation of an aircraft. Wether fuel is the most important or expensive operational cost, just as important/expensive as others or less important/expensive than others, it certainly is important and expensive to a considerable degree. On intercontinental flights a plane may top up its tanks and still land dry. That's quite a fuel bill.

Now, let's focus on fuel, we can discard the rest, you'll understand why soon. Would you agree that there are two important factors directly related to fuel consumption for a given routine flight: 1. Weather; 2. Cargo weight, that is, people and bags? Let's ignore the weather and stick with cargo weight.

So, if you agree with my premises that passenger fares are an important source of income for a passenger airline, that fuel is an important expense and that cargo weight (people and bags) is an important factor in fuel consumption, consider the following scenario with that in mind:

We have two travellers boarding an intercontinental flight, traveller A and B. They both have the same body weight, but traveller A is carrying only 1 light bag while traveller B is carrying 6 heavy bags.

If we agreed that cargo weight affects fuel consumption we must conclude that traveller B with his 6 heavy bags costed more fuel than traveller A.

Thus, why shouldn't traveller B pay more than traveller A to cover his greater cost? Why should traveller A pay for a fuel he did not spend?

Each traveller should pay his due, and his due alone.

The exception to the rule are handicaps for the handicapped, I assume nobody minds paying for a wheel chair to an old lady, etc.

************************************************** ***

2nd - Greedy overweight people

Given all of the above, the same applies to severely overweight people, and when I say overweight, I mean weighting three times above average, yeah, I'm talking about 400 pounds, I'm not greedy, I'm not that much of a bastard, and please mark the word greedy: I'm not complaining against severely overweight people in general, but severely overweight people who complain about being charged a double ticket. If you are one of them, hear this pal: you are so large there's no way to fit you in economy class without destroying all sense of comfort to the last bit for the person beside you. So not only do you burn three times as many fuel, but you make the passenger beside you wish for the plane to crash.

If you weight 400 pounds and don't want to pay a double ticket, you're a smart ass, and that's bull****.

************************************************** ****

3rd - Unfair dinner bills

Same subject, different scenario.

This one is clear cut: Person A orders $15, person B orders $40. Person B, who is quite clever, even smarter than Al Capone, decides to handle the bill and announces the bill will be divided equally among the parts. In our case, that means a $55 total, which divided by 2 is $27.5. So, while Person A only spent $15, under the combined-single-bill-equally-divided-among-parts scheme he will have to pay $27.5: nearly double! Now, the larger the table and the more big spenders present, the more unfair it will be to the little spenders, the more they will be overcharged.

Anybody who comes up with the idea to divide a single bill equally among people who did not ate equally by a large amount is a bull****ter. I'm not talking about a one dollar difference, but dozens of dollars. Anybody who does it constantly, as his norm, is a professional smart-ass who conscioulsy decides to take advantage of other people by spreading his expense around. You people complain about smokers throwing smoke in your face, but there are people out there shoveling their expenses up your assess, and while that's bull**** indeed, I prefer to call it by its real name:

THIEVERY.

I believe thievery is not only an offense much graver than a breach of ettiquete, but quite rude itself, and thus when I go out with a big group with known big spenders I ask the waiter for a separate check, informing him that he will be tipped for the extra effort (which is cheaper than having your bill sky-rocket).

And that's it. Ya'll be safe from smart asses, and don't be one yourself.