What it means to be an american, from the viewpoint of an 18 y.o senior in high Schoo

[Sledgehammer427]

I had to do an assignment for english IV where i had to write down 50 things about what it means to be American. its set to be read by a foreign visitor or the same age as you (teenaged) and i had seven at school, so i thought you guys might get a kick out of a few of these
beware, americans, the truth sits below this sentence

Being american means you have to fend for yourself
it also means you have unlimited opportunity to be what you want
alchoholic beverages are very prevalent among institutions and universities
if you are not of a sect of christianity, i would be wary about what part of town i am in
people aren't afraid of police officers.
household ovens often work
so do refrigerators
as well as microwaves
use the term "ideer" as often as possible
live in a trailer park for more than 6 months
one name...Blue Oyster Cult
let as many people know that you are foreign as you can. we're a melting pot that is as fascinated with different cultures...redundant?
study howard hughes and see if you don't think you are developing OCD
creativity is as free as the horses in the west...up until the 1800's
play video games until you can't close your eyes
play music as loud as you can in your car without getting in trouble, but keep it quiet after 10
watch Band of Brothers and not cry
go to a "HALO party"
become infatuated with A.Football, B.Baseball C.Pamela Anderson, or D.UFO's
watch the episode of the ed sullivan show where the beatles appear for the first time
build a low quality model from a foreign country and watch how much angrier you get at it than an american model
collect scrap. trust me, that hubcap on my wall was from elvis's first car
drive a used 1993 Honda Civic and get laughed at
collect nickles and dimes in a jar and buy a 409 powered chevrolet
surf every day after school
work 3 jobs at least for a week.
americans drink over 60,000,000 sodas a year
realise the airplane you came in was made out of said soda cans
Priority mail...your friend in california can send you a CD in the timeframe of blink
start an internet relationship
write down everything you will remember, and forget the things you thought you would remember
go to bed at midnight and wake up at 4 AM
for males, grow a beard, unreligiously
for females, obsessively shave every strand of hair not on your head or arms
watch real saturday morning cartoons. Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote, Bugs Bunny WITH Elmer Fudd
fingerpaint. even after you turn 30
proclaim you are a communist in a large public place. take note of all the dirty stares in your direction. and some say the cold war is over
discover the amazing invention of Tupperware
televangelism on sunday mornings.
sleep on a sectional couch, the ones that go around corners, leather, with a warm blanket and puffy pillow
duct tape does ACTUALLY fix everything, like the volume of those around you, oh, and heating/cooling ducts
collect a peice of memorabilia from a tragic accident and put it in a cherished place where everyone can see it, where, when questioned about it, you can make people feel bad about the incident and consider it good luck
complain about the government, its okay! you arent going to be prosecuted!

EDIT: please note, moderators especially, that some of this may be offensive, and i apologise beforehand of anyone who is offended by this work

add one,
apologise profusely for everything...no matter what

[UnderseaLcpl]

If this was an English assignment then I hope for your sake that it wasn't formatted like this.

[August]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

If this was an English assignment then I hope for your sake that it wasn't formatted like this.

I was just thinking that!

[Etienne]

I'm going to go with UnderseaLcpl and August, here. Please tell us you didn't hand this in like that. It's disjointed, the punctuation and grammar are suspicious, and the formatting makes it nearly unreadable.

As for the content, to each his own, I guess. But then, I'm not American

[Sledgehammer427]

the word processor at school is so amazing that it darn near writes the paper by itself. I just did the raw writing and i will format it correctly when i get to school

[SUBMAN1]

I think you may not get a passing grade on that one the way it is. Add a little more history to it and you should be good. Think from the teachers perspective, not your own in figuring out what he wants.

-S

[NeonSamurai]

I have yet to meet a word processor that can properly do anything. Seriously, they can even botch up spelling if your not paying attention. As for grammar and punctuation they usually only pick up the most egregious of errors and often make mistakes with proper grammar and structuring. I am forever fighting with word 2007 over such stuff.

[Sailor Steve]

I have the opposite problem. I read history and then make timelines for a hobby. Do you have any idea how many 15th-and-16th-century explorers have names it's never heard before?

[UnderseaLcpl]

Forty-seven.

[Etienne]

Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427

the word processor at school is so amazing that it darn near writes the paper by itself. I just did the raw writing and i will format it correctly when i get to school

The word processor won't correct things like:

Priority mail...your friend in california can send you a CD in the timeframe of blink
start an internet relationship
write down everything you will remember, and forget the things you thought you would remember

The last two are actions, advice or something. The first one is... Some sort of description?

What you have is a bunch of sentence fragments. Make sure they all have the same beginning!

Your first phrase:

Being american means you have to fend for yourself

Implies those sentences should begin with "Being American". But then:

(Being American means) watch Band of Brothers and not cry
(Being American means) go to a "HALO party"
Being American means) fingerpaint. even after you turn 30

Are not gramatically correct. Word processor won't help with that.

Also,

become infatuated with A.Football, B.Baseball C.Pamela Anderson, or D.UFO's

Doesn't fit in at all with the rest of the piece.

Seriously, the whole thing makes little sense. Are you going "YEAH, AMERICA!" in a flag-waving, bourbon drinking sort of way, or "YEAH AMERICA!" in a satiric sort of way? It's hard to tell where you stand:

if you are not of a sect of christianity, i would be wary about what part of town i am in

(Also note the *I* versus *you* in that sentence)

Contrast:

complain about the government, its okay! you arent going to be prosecuted!

Actually, after going through the piece one more time, it sounds like you're trying to be satiric, in a "America actually kinda sucks" sort of way, wherea your intro leads me to believe you don't really think that way.

Look, I know it's alway hard to delete stuff, but you need to either start over or completly rewrite the thing. And like someone else said, try to put yourself in your teacher's shoes - I'm pretty sure she didn't think she'd be hearing about HALO parties.

Also, posting homework online before you hand it in could result in problems, if your teacher checks for plagiarism using Google.

[Sledgehammer427]

its my fault no one can access Subsim at school anyways...

but thanks for the advice guys, just a little bit of touching up to do...
also, you will find many kids in our school who think of the united states the same way as I do.
that, and for the most part, satire is my strongpoint when it comes to opinions...I should be a comedian

[Platapus]

If you are at all serious about this assignment, I would recommend you check out these books from the Library.

American Cultural Patterns: A cross-Cultural Perspective by Edward C. Stewart and Miltion J. Bennett

American Ways: A guide for Foreigners in the United States by Gary Althen

American's at Work: A guide to the Can-Do People by Craig Storti

Later you can read the works of Hofstede, Richard Lewis, and Trompenaars

[Platapus]

Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427

you will find many kids in our school who think of the united states the same way as I do.

Frankly, that just means that they are not well educated. Don't put too much validity in things just because your friends like it.

that, and for the most part, satire is my strongpoint when it comes to opinions...I should be a comedian

Get a real job first. Experience life. Satire takes education and experience. Your post was neither funny, clever, nor satirical. When your friends tell you that you are funny, they are just being polite.

There is a fine line between satire and just coming across as being dumb. Make sure you are on the appropriate side.

[TDK1044]

The post is a sad indictment of our public education system. A system that is designed to see our high school students graduate and proudly throw their caps into the air, even though their actual level of education is just above that of an amoeba.

[UnderseaLcpl]

Whoa..... hang on, there. Platapus and TDK, don't you guys think you're being a bit unfair? You don't know Sledge in person. Just because you do not find his post funny or satirical doesn't mean that he is not humorous or educated or intelligent.