Divorce Agreement

[SUBMAN1]

DIVORCE AGREEMENT




THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

OUTSTANDING.


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:


We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..


Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

[Frame57]

John Wall for president.....

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by Frame57

John Wall for president.....

NS! I agree!

-S

[A Very Super Market]

...Hot Alaskan hockey moms...

Yep, definitely a teenager.

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by A Very Super Market

Yep, definitely a teenager.

And clearly already wiser beyond your years!

Though if he were a teenager, I'd have to say he was in the gifted program to already be a law student! Great that you pointed that out!

-S

[bookworm_020]

I'll just stay here in Australia. You can sort out your own mess!

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by bookworm_020

I'll just stay here in Australia. You can sort out your own mess!

Nah man! You are part of it! You and the UK! Lets get a move on!

-S

[U-84]

i'll vote for this guy

[Morts]

oh wow, another politics thread from Subman1, i totally didnt see that comming

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by Morts

oh wow, another politics thread from Subman1, i totally didnt see that comming

Oh wow! Another snide comment from Morts. I totally didn't see that coming.

[FIREWALL]

Play nice kids

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by FIREWALL

Play nice kids

Let me help

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one freaking punch.




How come, when a couple get divorced, the bloke has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings but the woman doesn't have to do the bloke's future housework?



The credit crunch has seen a big rise in the divorce rate.

This has nothing to do with the stress of the situation. It's just a great opportunity to get rid of the old bag when the divorce settlement is 50% of naff all.



Me and my wife are driving along the Motorway doing 55 mph. She looks over at me and says, "I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

I say nothing but slowly increase the speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again I stay quiet and just speed up as my anger increases.
She says, "I want the house."
I speed up again, and I'm now doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."
I just keep driving faster and faster, now up to 80mph.

She says, "I want the car, the bank account and all the credit cards too."
I slowly start to veer toward a concrete bridge pillar as she enquires, "Is there anything you want?"

So I respond with, "no thanks, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "what's that then?"

Just before we hit the wall at 90 mph I say, "I've got the airbag."



After my divorce, I realised that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.