McClane is back, and I'm psyched

Onkel Neal · 06-19-07, 10:19 PM

Yeah, I could

Life Lesson #1 - Yes, on the surface, coming out to the coast, getting together, and having a few laughs sounds great, but it's a horrible, horrible way to spend Christmas.

Life Lesson #2 - Outside of the comfort of your own home, never, ever take off your shoes.

Life Lesson #3 - African Americans are your friends.
If you ever find yourself in a life-or-death situation in the multi-ethnic world of a Die Hard movie, be sure to keep your eyes open for the helpful black guy. Yes, John McClane might look like the kind of goofy white guy who likes to pull out his harmonica and try to jam with the band at blues bars, but that didn't stop Reginald VelJohnson as Sgt. Al Powell or De'voreaux White as Argyle from pulling his white-ass out of the fire in the original Die Hard. There's no way McClane could've gotten around the airport so quickly in DH2 without the help of Art Evans as Barnes, and do we even need to get into the eight kinds of awesomeness Samuel L. Jackson brought to the role of Zeus in Die Hard with a Vengeance? OK, there was the nerdy black hacker guy in DH1 and Good Times' John Amos almost did con McClane in Die Harder, but still, half of McClane's pension should totally go to the NAACP.

Life Lesson #4 - That guy you just killed? He's not dead. Honestly. Go check. Poke him with a stick or something. You'll thank us later.

Life Lesson #5 - Don't worry if you get shot in the shoulder. Yes, you'll wince and it'll look awful, but it won't impede your ability to run, jump, or kick some bad-guy ass in the slightest. In fact, you'll probably just forget about it altogether.

Life Lesson #6 - If you find yourself waging a one-man war against an army of terrorists, here's a quick checklist of all the items you'll need to have to succeed:
Cigarettes, lighter (not for the cigarettes, mostly just for blowing stuff up), gun, walkie-talkie, gruff New Jersey sense of humor, shoes (very important), stain-resistant wife-beater tank-top, ironic hangover, inability to stop kicking ass, Reginald VelJohnson's home phone number.

Life Lesson #7 - Family always comes first.
John McClane has learned this lesson the hard way on multiple occasions, so please learn from his example. If you ever find yourself trapped in an office building with armed gunmen, if you find a dead body in an airport on Christmas Eve, or if you get caught up trying to stop techno-terrorists from destroying America, stop everything you're doing, call all of your relatives, and tell them to run. It doesn't matter where, but any or all family or friends (estranged wives, children, pets, etc) need to be as far away from you as possible. Because, trust us, in these sorts of situations, your closest family members practically start releasing pheromones that only terrorists can smell, a strange, desperate hormone that screams, "Please kidnap me and use me as leverage! I'd be such an ever-so-good hostage."

Life Lesson #8 - If you ever encounter someone with an Eastern European accent, shoot them in the neck immediately. There's a 54% chance they're a bad guy.

Life Lesson #9 - Back-waxing is a painful, though necessary evil when you're a card-carrying terrorist-thwarter. A silky, smooth posterior is always an asset if you're going to be squeezing through an air vent or taping a glock to your back.

Life Lesson #10 - It never hurts to engage your enemy in pleasant conversation.
This is a classic McClane-ism. At the end of Die Hard, while Hans Gruber presses a gun into Holly McClane's temple, John had the foresight to try and make small talk with Hans, pleasantly noting that the terrorist would've made a good cowboy. This engaged Hans in the conversation, his guard went down, and BOOM! Shot through the head, falls out the window, and the FX guys win an Oscar. McClane used this same tactic at the end of Die Hard with a Vengeance, offering uber-baddie Simon a quick smile and quipping about his bad headache. He drew Simon into the conversation with a universal observation, Simon responded, offering McClane some aspirin, and BOOM! The aspirin led them right to Simon's secret lair and he gets blown up in a helicopter. Leave it to John McClane to turn small talk into a deadly weapon.

Life Lesson #11 - Save your A-list material for the climax.
Aside from all of the getting shot in the shoulder and running over broken glass, the hardest thing about being a professional bad-ass like John McClane is keeping your wisecracks fresh. Some rogue cops who won't take no for an answer go their whole lives without coming up with something as good as "Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er", so you can't keep trotting it out every time you kill a faceless henchman. You hold it back, making the audience want it, and then toss it like a grenade right before you kill your arch-nemesis or at least blow something up. But don't worry - everyone knows that it takes a million underwhelming "Just the fax, ma'am"s and "take THIS under advisement, jerkweed"s until a truly great one-liner is born.

Life Lesson #12 - If you ever see William Atherton, shoot him in the neck immediately. This lesson also applies if you're a genius grad student working on a space laser, a Ghostbuster, or are stuck in a bio-dome.

Life Lesson #13 - Terrorists are a lot like annoying girlfriends who never admit what they really want. If they say they want to free political prisoners, they're really breaking into a vault. If they're blowing up parts of New York, they're really trying to steal some gold. Be sure to let the terrorist know that you're not a mind-reader and that you're committed to improving your inter-communication skills. And then shoot them.

Life Lesson #14 - While "Ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun" is a hilarious way to annoy the heck out of the terrorists who are ruining your Christmas Eve, it is a totally inappropriate sentiment to share in your annual holiday letter. Grammie will not be amused.

Life Lesson #15 - Did we mention how important shoes are? Because it takes a long damn time to pull ten million shards of jagged, blood-soaked glass out of both of your feet.

Source: IGN

Reaves · 06-19-07, 10:46 PM

Ah Bruce Willis, no one kills bad guys like him.

fatty · 06-19-07, 11:04 PM

Watch for my movie soon after:

LIVE FREE OR DIE FAT

jumpy · 06-20-07, 03:37 AM

lol die hard... great films.
but over here our censors use the most bizarre replacements for words:
Where john straps all of the c4 to the chair then chucks it down the lift shaft in the nakatomi plaza building, we all know what he says "Yipee kia-yay ************!"
instead we had the laughable "Yipee kia-yay keemo-sabi!" :rotfl::rotfl:
whole realms of credability of that scene vannished in a burst of pre 9pm watershed delicateness. hehe

Skybird · 06-20-07, 05:09 AM

"Die Hard 1" - still the best of it's kind.

U-533 · 06-20-07, 05:22 AM

so... none of you recommend this movie?

kiwi_2005 · 06-20-07, 05:43 AM

I would recommend it even tho im yet to see it!

Bruce makes good action flicks.

Oberon · 06-20-07, 07:54 AM

Haven't seen it yet, but definately on my list of movies to see.

Love the trilogy.

"Oh man, I can't ****ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?"

EDIT: Whoa...was Bruce doing an Arnie on the back of an F-35? I guess the 35 is the new Harrier, so it makes sense.
This film looks good!

bradclark1 · 06-20-07, 08:03 AM

Who else can kill a flying helicopter with a car?

Sailor Steve · 06-20-07, 11:29 AM

Way back in the mid-'90s, Bruce Willis guest-starred on the TV series Mad About You, playing himself. The plot is irrelevant, but early in the show there was a scene in which a TV news program is shown. The reporter says "Bruce Willis is back in New York filming his latest movie, Die Already..."

Dowly · 06-20-07, 12:08 PM

I LOOOOOVE DIE HARD MOVIES!!!! WOHOOOO!!!

geetrue · 06-20-07, 01:19 PM

Item number #16 should be added:

"Be careful who you let your wife work for it could cost you your whole Christmas vacation
of running up and down stairs and trying to find a working elevator"

ReallyDedPoet · 06-20-07, 01:22 PM

This one does not get old, good summer flick

You know what you are getting and that is a good thing.

RDP

FAdmiral · 06-20-07, 02:55 PM

"Life Lesson #10 - It never hurts to engage your enemy in pleasant conversation.
This is a classic McClane-ism. At the end of Die Hard, while Hans Gruber presses a gun into Holly McClane's temple, John had the foresight to try and make small talk with Hans, pleasantly noting that the terrorist would've made a good cowboy. This engaged Hans in the conversation, his guard went down, and BOOM! Shot through the head, falls out the window, and the FX guys win an Oscar. McClane used this same tactic at the end of Die Hard with a Vengeance, offering uber-baddie Simon a quick smile and quipping about his bad headache. He drew Simon into the conversation with a universal observation, Simon responded, offering McClane some aspirin, and BOOM! The aspirin led them right to Simon's secret lair and he gets blown up in a helicopter. Leave it to John McClane to turn small talk into a deadly weapon."

Neal, you forgot the small-talk in DH2 where John engages the talk in the
elevator about who won the lottery, knowing fairly well the big guy had the
badge of one of his friends who always bet his badge # on the lottery....

JIM

EDIT: Correction, it was DH3 and not DH2 that I was refering too !!

FAdmiral · 06-20-07, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradclark1

Who else can kill a flying helicopter with a car?

Well, whadayaxpect, he was out of bullets....Geeezzz

JIM

06-19-07, 10:19 PM	#1
Onkel Neal Born to Run Silent Join Date: Jan 1997 Location: Cougar Trap, Texas Posts: 21,383 Downloads: 541 Uploads: 224	McClane is back, and I'm psyched Yeah, I could Life Lesson #1 - Yes, on the surface, coming out to the coast, getting together, and having a few laughs sounds great, but it's a horrible, horrible way to spend Christmas. Life Lesson #2 - Outside of the comfort of your own home, never, ever take off your shoes. Life Lesson #3 - African Americans are your friends. If you ever find yourself in a life-or-death situation in the multi-ethnic world of a Die Hard movie, be sure to keep your eyes open for the helpful black guy. Yes, John McClane might look like the kind of goofy white guy who likes to pull out his harmonica and try to jam with the band at blues bars, but that didn't stop Reginald VelJohnson as Sgt. Al Powell or De'voreaux White as Argyle from pulling his white-ass out of the fire in the original Die Hard. There's no way McClane could've gotten around the airport so quickly in DH2 without the help of Art Evans as Barnes, and do we even need to get into the eight kinds of awesomeness Samuel L. Jackson brought to the role of Zeus in Die Hard with a Vengeance? OK, there was the nerdy black hacker guy in DH1 and Good Times' John Amos almost did con McClane in Die Harder, but still, half of McClane's pension should totally go to the NAACP. Life Lesson #4 - That guy you just killed? He's not dead. Honestly. Go check. Poke him with a stick or something. You'll thank us later. Life Lesson #5 - Don't worry if you get shot in the shoulder. Yes, you'll wince and it'll look awful, but it won't impede your ability to run, jump, or kick some bad-guy ass in the slightest. In fact, you'll probably just forget about it altogether. Life Lesson #6 - If you find yourself waging a one-man war against an army of terrorists, here's a quick checklist of all the items you'll need to have to succeed: Cigarettes, lighter (not for the cigarettes, mostly just for blowing stuff up), gun, walkie-talkie, gruff New Jersey sense of humor, shoes (very important), stain-resistant wife-beater tank-top, ironic hangover, inability to stop kicking ass, Reginald VelJohnson's home phone number. Life Lesson #7 - Family always comes first. John McClane has learned this lesson the hard way on multiple occasions, so please learn from his example. If you ever find yourself trapped in an office building with armed gunmen, if you find a dead body in an airport on Christmas Eve, or if you get caught up trying to stop techno-terrorists from destroying America, stop everything you're doing, call all of your relatives, and tell them to run. It doesn't matter where, but any or all family or friends (estranged wives, children, pets, etc) need to be as far away from you as possible. Because, trust us, in these sorts of situations, your closest family members practically start releasing pheromones that only terrorists can smell, a strange, desperate hormone that screams, "Please kidnap me and use me as leverage! I'd be such an ever-so-good hostage." Life Lesson #8 - If you ever encounter someone with an Eastern European accent, shoot them in the neck immediately. There's a 54% chance they're a bad guy. Life Lesson #9 - Back-waxing is a painful, though necessary evil when you're a card-carrying terrorist-thwarter. A silky, smooth posterior is always an asset if you're going to be squeezing through an air vent or taping a glock to your back. Life Lesson #10 - It never hurts to engage your enemy in pleasant conversation. This is a classic McClane-ism. At the end of Die Hard, while Hans Gruber presses a gun into Holly McClane's temple, John had the foresight to try and make small talk with Hans, pleasantly noting that the terrorist would've made a good cowboy. This engaged Hans in the conversation, his guard went down, and BOOM! Shot through the head, falls out the window, and the FX guys win an Oscar. McClane used this same tactic at the end of Die Hard with a Vengeance, offering uber-baddie Simon a quick smile and quipping about his bad headache. He drew Simon into the conversation with a universal observation, Simon responded, offering McClane some aspirin, and BOOM! The aspirin led them right to Simon's secret lair and he gets blown up in a helicopter. Leave it to John McClane to turn small talk into a deadly weapon. Life Lesson #11 - Save your A-list material for the climax. Aside from all of the getting shot in the shoulder and running over broken glass, the hardest thing about being a professional bad-ass like John McClane is keeping your wisecracks fresh. Some rogue cops who won't take no for an answer go their whole lives without coming up with something as good as "Yippee-ki-yay, mother**er", so you can't keep trotting it out every time you kill a faceless henchman. You hold it back, making the audience want it, and then toss it like a grenade right before you kill your arch-nemesis or at least blow something up. But don't worry - everyone knows that it takes a million underwhelming "Just the fax, ma'am"s and "take THIS under advisement, jerkweed"s until a truly great one-liner is born. Life Lesson #12 - If you ever see William Atherton, shoot him in the neck immediately. This lesson also applies if you're a genius grad student working on a space laser, a Ghostbuster, or are stuck in a bio-dome. Life Lesson #13 - Terrorists are a lot like annoying girlfriends who never admit what they really want. If they say they want to free political prisoners, they're really breaking into a vault. If they're blowing up parts of New York, they're really trying to steal some gold. Be sure to let the terrorist know that you're not a mind-reader and that you're committed to improving your inter-communication skills. And then shoot them. Life Lesson #14 - While "Ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun" is a hilarious way to annoy the heck out of the terrorists who are ruining your Christmas Eve, it is a totally inappropriate sentiment to share in your annual holiday letter. Grammie will not be amused. Life Lesson #15 - Did we mention how important shoes are? Because it takes a long damn time to pull ten million shards of jagged, blood-soaked glass out of both of your feet. Source: IGN

06-19-07, 10:46 PM	#2
Reaves The Old Man Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,509 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Ah Bruce Willis, no one kills bad guys like him. __________________

06-19-07, 11:04 PM	#3
fatty The Old Man Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 1,448 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Watch for my movie soon after: LIVE FREE OR DIE FAT

06-20-07, 03:37 AM	#4
jumpy Admiral Join Date: May 2003 Location: Midlands, UK Posts: 2,139 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	lol die hard... great films. but over here our censors use the most bizarre replacements for words: Where john straps all of the c4 to the chair then chucks it down the lift shaft in the nakatomi plaza building, we all know what he says "Yipee kia-yay ************!" instead we had the laughable "Yipee kia-yay keemo-sabi!" :rotfl::rotfl: whole realms of credability of that scene vannished in a burst of pre 9pm watershed delicateness. hehe __________________ when you’ve been so long in the desert, any water, no matter how brackish, looks like life

06-20-07, 05:09 AM	#5
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,615 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	"Die Hard 1" - still the best of it's kind. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

06-20-07, 05:22 AM	#6
U-533 Samurai Navy Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: On my Boat Posts: 594 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	so... none of you recommend this movie?

06-20-07, 05:43 AM	#7
kiwi_2005 Eternal Patrol Join Date: May 2004 Location: Aeoteroa Posts: 7,382 Downloads: 223 Uploads: 1	I would recommend it even tho im yet to see it! Bruce makes good action flicks. __________________ RIP kiwi_2005 Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

06-20-07, 07:54 AM	#8
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	Haven't seen it yet, but definately on my list of movies to see. Love the trilogy. "Oh man, I can't ****ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?" EDIT: Whoa...was Bruce doing an Arnie on the back of an F-35? I guess the 35 is the new Harrier, so it makes sense. This film looks good!

06-20-07, 08:03 AM	#9
bradclark1 Ocean Warrior Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Connecticut, USA. Posts: 2,794 Downloads: 29 Uploads: 0	Who else can kill a flying helicopter with a car?

06-20-07, 11:29 AM	#10
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Way back in the mid-'90s, Bruce Willis guest-starred on the TV series Mad About You, playing himself. The plot is irrelevant, but early in the show there was a scene in which a TV news program is shown. The reporter says "Bruce Willis is back in New York filming his latest movie, Die Already..." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

06-20-07, 12:08 PM	#11
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,052 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	I LOOOOOVE DIE HARD MOVIES!!!! WOHOOOO!!!

06-20-07, 01:19 PM	#12
geetrue Cold War Boomer Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Walla Walla Posts: 2,837 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Item number #16 should be added: "Be careful who you let your wife work for it could cost you your whole Christmas vacation of running up and down stairs and trying to find a working elevator" __________________

06-20-07, 01:22 PM	#13
ReallyDedPoet Canadian Wolf Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada. The one and only, East Coast Posts: 10,885 Downloads: 946 Uploads: 5	This one does not get old, good summer flick You know what you are getting and that is a good thing. RDP __________________ Back in the Day

06-20-07, 02:55 PM	#14
FAdmiral Pacific Aces Dev Team Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Atlanta, GA, USA Posts: 1,079 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	"Life Lesson #10 - It never hurts to engage your enemy in pleasant conversation. This is a classic McClane-ism. At the end of Die Hard, while Hans Gruber presses a gun into Holly McClane's temple, John had the foresight to try and make small talk with Hans, pleasantly noting that the terrorist would've made a good cowboy. This engaged Hans in the conversation, his guard went down, and BOOM! Shot through the head, falls out the window, and the FX guys win an Oscar. McClane used this same tactic at the end of Die Hard with a Vengeance, offering uber-baddie Simon a quick smile and quipping about his bad headache. He drew Simon into the conversation with a universal observation, Simon responded, offering McClane some aspirin, and BOOM! The aspirin led them right to Simon's secret lair and he gets blown up in a helicopter. Leave it to John McClane to turn small talk into a deadly weapon." Neal, you forgot the small-talk in DH2 where John engages the talk in the elevator about who won the lottery, knowing fairly well the big guy had the badge of one of his friends who always bet his badge # on the lottery.... JIM EDIT: Correction, it was DH3 and not DH2 that I was refering too !! __________________ If you\'re not taking losses, you\'re not doing enough. RAdm. Kelly Turner, USN ********************************** www.fairtax.org Last edited by FAdmiral; 06-24-07 at 02:52 PM.