The joke thread - Page 472

BossMark · 12-12-14, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...postcount=3658

Cant stand either of them Jim.

Jimbuna · 12-12-14, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Cant stand either of them Jim.

Oh, I think Nigel is a far better comedian

BossMark · 12-13-14, 02:34 AM

My five year old son is doing terrible at school. He's a very slow developer and he has a really hard time understanding even the simplest things.

He is, however, an avid reader of The Sun.

Jimbuna · 12-13-14, 10:59 AM

I rang 999 today. They said "which emergency service do you want?".

"All of them!"

"Why?"

"I'm a sick burglar on fire!"

BossMark · 12-14-14, 04:42 AM

I was talking to my therapist and told him my girlfriend , Shirley, wouldn't marry me.

"I think I know why that might be, Mr Knott, " he said.

Jimbuna · 12-14-14, 08:26 AM

How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?

In square feet.

BossMark · 12-14-14, 08:36 AM

Just a reminder that Royal Mail have said that tomorrow is the last posting day if you want to guarantee delivery by Easter.

BossMark · 12-15-14, 03:19 AM

Daily Mail: "Child rapist who bribed his victim with VIP tickets for a One Direction concert is jailed for 18 years"

Hopefully he will get extra for the rape.

Jimbuna · 12-15-14, 08:12 AM

The best way to get your true weight is to get on the scales naked.

Which is why I'm no longer allowed in my local Boots Chemist shop.

BossMark · 12-15-14, 08:20 AM

I had to play the hero and come between a deaf couple arguing in town this morning...

"This stops now," I said pushing them apart, "before you both mime something you'll regret."

Jimbuna · 12-15-14, 12:52 PM

My daughter was asked to draw something from her personal life for a school project.

After, she showed me and I said, "Darling, where did you see a pink elephant and a gorilla standing beside a waterfall?"

"It's not," she replied. "It's mummy and Uncle Kev in the shower."

Jimbuna · 12-16-14, 10:02 AM

At the ferry port, I opened the back of a lorry and found two dozen Syrians hiding amongst the boxes.

Cowering, one told me in poor English, "We just want better life. We don't like the poverty, the hardship."

"Too right, mate," I said. "Hull's a right dump! Move over, I'm coming with you on the boat to Amsterdam."

BossMark · 12-16-14, 02:20 PM

War on drugs, brought more drugs.

War on terror, brought more terror.

Can we have a war on easy women?

BossMark · 12-16-14, 02:46 PM

My wife says I spend too much time in the pub and down the bookies.

I say I'm reducing the risk of being held hostage by Islamic extremists.

Jimbuna · 12-17-14, 09:17 AM

So hackers got hold of a script for the upcoming James Bond sequel.

I reckon they've wasted their time.

If you really want to know what happens in the new James Bond film, just watch every other James Bond film.

12-13-14, 02:34 AM	#7068
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My five year old son is doing terrible at school. He's a very slow developer and he has a really hard time understanding even the simplest things. He is, however, an avid reader of The Sun. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-13-14, 10:59 AM	#7069
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I rang 999 today. They said "which emergency service do you want?". "All of them!" "Why?" "I'm a sick burglar on fire!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-14-14, 04:42 AM	#7070
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was talking to my therapist and told him my girlfriend , Shirley, wouldn't marry me. "I think I know why that might be, Mr Knott, " he said. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-14-14, 08:26 AM	#7071
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size? In square feet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-14-14, 08:36 AM	#7072
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Just a reminder that Royal Mail have said that tomorrow is the last posting day if you want to guarantee delivery by Easter. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-15-14, 03:19 AM	#7073
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Daily Mail: "Child rapist who bribed his victim with VIP tickets for a One Direction concert is jailed for 18 years" Hopefully he will get extra for the rape. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-15-14, 08:12 AM	#7074
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The best way to get your true weight is to get on the scales naked. Which is why I'm no longer allowed in my local Boots Chemist shop. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-15-14, 08:20 AM	#7075
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I had to play the hero and come between a deaf couple arguing in town this morning... "This stops now," I said pushing them apart, "before you both mime something you'll regret." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-15-14, 12:52 PM	#7076
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My daughter was asked to draw something from her personal life for a school project. After, she showed me and I said, "Darling, where did you see a pink elephant and a gorilla standing beside a waterfall?" "It's not," she replied. "It's mummy and Uncle Kev in the shower." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-16-14, 10:02 AM	#7077
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	At the ferry port, I opened the back of a lorry and found two dozen Syrians hiding amongst the boxes. Cowering, one told me in poor English, "We just want better life. We don't like the poverty, the hardship." "Too right, mate," I said. "Hull's a right dump! Move over, I'm coming with you on the boat to Amsterdam." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-16-14, 02:20 PM	#7078
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	War on drugs, brought more drugs. War on terror, brought more terror. Can we have a war on easy women? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-16-14, 02:46 PM	#7079
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife says I spend too much time in the pub and down the bookies. I say I'm reducing the risk of being held hostage by Islamic extremists. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-17-14, 09:17 AM	#7080
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,112 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	So hackers got hold of a script for the upcoming James Bond sequel. I reckon they've wasted their time. If you really want to know what happens in the new James Bond film, just watch every other James Bond film. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!