Bad childhood I want to stop thinking about. Any ideas?

[RedMenace]

My parents screamed and fought with each other all the time, my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was very bipolar. They divorced when I was only 9 years old, and after that I became extremely sick and started peeing blood and got diagnosed with renal failure.

I was quite the sickly child. It persisted till I was 16, when I required chemotherapy and months of intense hospitalization. I was only a kid (and then a teen) and I remember being so scared, so confused, so unsure about anything.

Now I'm 19 and I'm much better, even relatively healthy I'd say, I go to college, and I try as hard as I can to be upbeat and sociable and likeable. I've even had girlfriends!

But I've been very sad inside, and I try really hard to keep it in. Thoughts about how I grew up constantly haunt me every day. Thinking about all that time I spent and everything that happened to me in that hospital. I don't tell anyone how insecure and weak I feel, how extremely fearful I am to die young, how worthless and small I feel. I get extremely anxious about the simplest things, even if I don't show it, and I deep down don't believe I'll ever amount to anything. When I talk to people I stare them right in the eye because I'm afraid if I don't they'll realize how weak I actually am.

I have trouble finding employment because I'm not exactly the most confident guy. Even when I do feel confident, I think I come off as crazy more than anything else...

I know its popular to blame your crappy childhood nowadays on your emotional problems, but I only just recently made the connection, and I know my childhood probably damaged me in some ways. I don't want to be haunted anymore by bad memories, or at least I don't want them to get in the way of the rest of my life. What do I do?