Parenting Question; 20+ but doesn't want to leave

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

I take it you don't have a 20 year old daughter, Skybird?

No.

Make-up and clothing...that's where 75% of her money goes Hence my concerns.

Ah, so not as much oriented on a realistic goal, but living from one day to the next!? If so, this makes your worries clearer.


Hot tar and feathers may do the trick.

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Skybird

has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?

I showed this to my wife, we both had a good laugh Skybird


I said to her laughing loudly; "Come look at what this guy wrote!"

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Commander Wallace

I well and truly hope it gets better not only for you, but Platapus, Aktung and everyone else who is going through similar circumstances.

We also operated car and body shops. I worked in all of them doing the dirtiest jobs no one there wanted to do.

It is nice to see I am not alone in this madness. We all love our children. But enough is enough. You can only handle them for so long and quite frankly I thought 20 years would be the number, but maybe not. I will continue to wait out the situation for now. My dad turned 89 this month and is in great shape. With any genetic luck I can wait them all out
When adult children start doing adult things with boyfriends/girlfriends, it is time to get out of the house.

I also worked in my dad's garage. I helped my uncle restore RVs, which by today's standards would equate to child labor at times, but I call it having had a "full life" as a young person. I have nieces younger than my daughter, and it is actually quite troublesome how much of their time is spent staring at their phones.

The minds of our children are being completely changed, I will go as far as using the word "altered", by social media. I have found the best way to get their attention is to shut down the internet. If I want peace I shut the router down and blame AT&T. I once had to make a pretend call to Comcast to get peace and quiet and stop Youtube from blaring at full blast. I spoke to nobody for a good 5 minutes in front of other people. It was insanely delusional, but felt very rewarding in a strange way. I kept the router off for a good 8 hours, it was wonderful. That night the lone wolf won.

[Eichhörnchen]

@ Commander Wallace

Thank you kindly, CW - there is however more help now than there used to be: we were easily able to get him his placements in special schools throughout the years, one of which also held "Early Bird" classes for parents. But there never could be a manual to cover this issue because all autistic folks are different: as they say, when you meet one autistic person then you've met only one autistic person!

Now he's finished college and become an adult, they do provide a daytime group there called "Adult Skills" (he can go every day if he wants but I take him just on Mondays and Fridays) - they just do fun things, like plane spotting at Conings by (I'd have liked to have gone on that trip ). And because of his disability he gets this totally funded by the local authority - we couldn't afford it

[mapuc]

Where has this...Nature of revolting against the parents gone ?

From this documentary parenthood-It was said that it's natural that young people is revolting against their parents and leave the nest.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by mapuc

Where has this...Nature of revolting against the parents gone ?
Markus

Very astute observation. That revolt against parents has gone. Strange isn't it?

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Eichhörnchen

@ Commander Wallace

Thank you kindly, CW - there is however more help now than there used to be: we were easily able to get him his placements in special schools throughout the years, one of which also held "Early Bird" classes for parents. But there never could be a manual to cover this issue because all autistic folks are different: as they say, when you meet one autistic person then you've met only one autistic person!

Now he's finished college and become an adult, they do provide a daytime group there called "Adult Skills" (he can go every day if he wants but I take him just on Mondays and Fridays) - they just do fun things, like plane spotting at Conings by (I'd have liked to have gone on that trip ). And because of his disability he gets this totally funded by the local authority - we couldn't afford it

I have a nephew who has Asperger syndrome. He is a bit older (24 I believe) and still lives with mom and dad but does incredibly well. He even is taking college classes. He is my favorite nephew, and I always tell him that. The kid has zero filter. He will tell you straight to your face what is wrong if he doesn't like something you do or say.

I always tell him; "max, you're the only honest one in the whole family" He once told my mother-in-law her outfit looked terrible at a Christmas party. Before we left that night I hugged that kid so tight. It is one of my better Christmas memories I must admit. He is a lot like myself in many ways I suppose.

[Eichhörnchen]

^ My wife Moira just had a good chuckle at this

They do tell it like it is - our boy once levelled his finger at the end of a waiter's nose and asked him, very loudly, why he "Has a woman's voice". Honest if you heard this guy on the phone you would think he was a female

Aspergers folks are more able to get by in the world of "Neurotypicals" and 'high-functioning' ones especially so. They are often fine with the everyday stuff and can be very good at concealing their 'difference' and learning when not to say something. Our lad is on a different part of the autistic spectrum and needs someone on his case to keep him on-task... he'd be happy to spend all day gaming. But he does try hard at everything he's given to do and his good nature and funny antics make him a pleasure to be around

[les green01]

the biggest problem with today kids is they get baby a lot,i can be sitting on the bus kids are tearing up stuff i'm like you know your parents might be working hard to get you that stuff their answer we don't care as soon has i could walk my dad had me working that was to pay him back for food,clothes and roof over my head honest parents should become Gunny with a slice of USMC old style boot camp

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Should either or both decide to return for any reason, the door will always be open.

I always jokingly tell my daughter I will turn her room into an opium den the minute she moves out.

But someone before made a very good point. If you look at her room it has; large screen TV, Play station 5, record player, make-up station, queen size bed, laptop with free high speed internet, music gear...there is a trombone up there that I bought her a couple of years ago when that madness entered our lives. Long story short, why would you leave all that?

My bedroom as a teenager had a desk, a lamp, books and a bed. That is about it.

[em2nought]

It could be worse, they could have joined the military with good ol' Brandon as their commander in chief.

Maybe you could get them interested in being digital nomads. They might as well live cheaply in some interesting foreign places and see a bit of the world while they're still deciding if they're ever going to leave home. You might subscribe to International Living and leave it laying around were they can find it.

[Commander Wallace]

Originally Posted by Shady Bill

I also worked in my dad's garage. I helped my uncle restore RVs, which by today's standards would equate to child labor at times, but I call it having had a "full life" as a young person. I have nieces younger than my daughter, and it is actually quite troublesome how much of their time is spent staring at their phones.

The minds of our children are being completely changed, I will go as far as using the word "altered", by social media. I have found the best way to get their attention is to shut down the internet. If I want peace I shut the router down and blame AT&T. I once had to make a pretend call to Comcast to get peace and quiet and stop Youtube from blaring at full blast. I spoke to nobody for a good 5 minutes in front of other people. It was insanely delusional, but felt very rewarding in a strange way. I kept the router off for a good 8 hours, it was wonderful. That night the lone wolf won.

We seem to have a lot in common in our upbringing and experiences. I can't tell you how deeply saddened I am to hear there is someone else out here like me. I think I have Asperger syndrome as well. I also have " Zero Filter. " I went to school and took tact classes and failed three times. Each time, my grades were worse than the previous time. I eventually reconciled myself to the fact that that I have no tact. My lady tells me that all the time. My reply is always the same. Don't ask me a question if you don't want to hear the answer.

You had mentioned cell phones. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate cell phones. I have almost been hit a number of times on my motorcycle by these complete idiots on their cell phones while driving. This doesn't even begin to address cell phone use at work. Addiction comes in many forms and cell phone use is among the very worst.

Originally Posted by Eichhörnchen

^ My wife Moira just had a good chuckle at this

They do tell it like it is - our boy once levelled his finger at the end of a waiter's nose and asked him, very loudly, why he "Has a woman's voice". Honest if you heard this guy on the phone you would think he was a female

Aspergers folks are more able to get by in the world of "Neurotypicals" and 'high-functioning' ones especially so. They are often fine with the everyday stuff and can be very good at concealing their 'difference' and learning when not to say something. Our lad is on a different part of the autistic spectrum and needs someone on his case to keep him on-task... he'd be happy to spend all day gaming. But he does try hard at everything he's given to do and his good nature and funny antics make him a pleasure to be around

We have a good friend who is retired U.S Army and rides motorcycles in our group. In fact, most of the riders in our group are ex-military or former police officers. He has a son who has Autism. His son loves motorcycles and rides along with his dad. He is I believe 20 now. He functions pretty well and has gone to culinary school. Socially, he is a bit backwards but all of us who ride motorcycles with his dad understand his situation and we are good with things. The son with Autism seems to have bonded with us. He seems to instinctively understand that we are misfits and feels we are kindred spirits.

Unfortunately, the son with Autism weighs in at 265 lbs. His dad's solution was to buy a Can Am Spyder 3 wheeler. Now, the dad doesn't have to worry about balancing his weight and his son's at a stop light. I greatly admire our friend's commitment to his son's health and well being. Hopefully, we will have a safe and great riding season, next year.