Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

SHOCK NORRIS DIVISION WINNER.
...and final Wildcards stolen by Green Beans and Mudville Nine.


A wild final week of the regular season has seen a couple of the league favorites fail to reach expectations, and a couple of other teams literally steal their way into the Subsim Torpedo Bowl finals.

Already assured of the divisional titles, Every Given Sunday of the Sub Simmer division rested the starters, slumped to their third consecutive loss allowing the Reapers to score a season high record win of 131-75, and give them an opportunity to make the playoffs pending the results of other games.

Helmands Nighthawks, having acquired the Surface Skimmers Division and assured the #1 playoff position, had little to play for. Their opponents however, the Wild Boston Terriers needed the win to take the division, but it was not to be. The Nighthawks relegated the Terriers to the Consolation Series winning the game 114 - 90, even with Kurt Warner's substandard Monday Night performance.

The Dragons, having already clinched a Championship berth, were only playing for the #2 or #3 seed in the Championship Series. A win or a loss would make no difference to their position, they were always going to be dependent on other results to learn whom they would be playing in the post season. But they did get a close look at the BP Badasses as they defeated the Dragons 113-105

The highest ranked team fighting for the last two positions, the Miners were scheduled to play the Australian Taipans, the only international team not to make the playoffs. Someone forgot to tell them that and the arm of Eli Manning throwing for 391 yards led to the Taipans beating the Miners 92 - 88. The loss didn't eliminate the Miners, but their post season rested on the Mudville Nine - Show Me Your TD's game.

In week 4, the Mudville Nine annihilated the TD's, and on the return match, showed it was no fluke by defeating them again 87-67. The win put the Nine into the consolation series, but, the Miners future would rest on the Green Beans - Huge Manatee game. The Beans, playing one of the "ghost" teams, took the game easily 83-52, and dropped the Miners to spectators for the remainder of the season.

And after fourteen regular season weeks, the league looks like this.

DIVISIONAL CHAMPIONS
Team.....Record

Nighthawks...11-3
BP Badasses..11-3
Dragons...... 9-5
Every Given Sunday 8-6

WILDCARD PLAY OFFS
Team....... Record

Ded Poets.......11-3 (Norriss Division)
Wild Terriers....9-4 (Norris Division)
Green Beans...8-6 (Sub Simmers Division)
Mudville Nine..8-6 (Surface Skimmers)

SUNK
Team....... Record

Reapers........ 7-7
Miners...........7-7
AU Taipans.....6-8
Show Me TD's..6-8
Collared Greenz.5-9
Huge Manatee..3-11
Drunk Hogs......2-11
Phants Rage.....1-13


The playoff schedule starting next week goes like this.

The Nighthawks, with home field advantage, host Every Given Sunday in Cyprus. In week 5, Show Me Your TD's stunned the Nighthawkls with a 105-95 victory. As the #2 seed, the BP Badasses host the Dragons, having only just played each other this week.

In the Consolation Series, the highest seed is the 11-3 Ded Poets with a record good enough to win any division (except their own) and drawn the Mudville Nine, a team they narrowly defetaed in week 2 with a 77-72 win. The Wild Boston Terriers (9-5) host the Green Beans, a team that they lost to in the opening week 78-123.

A wild post season looms as the race to the Torpedo Bowl continues.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In week fourteen, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present, for 11 receptions, 193 yards, 3 rushing TD's for a score of 37.8 points, Andrew Johnson of the BP Badasses is the Week Fourteen MVT.

[Gut Wrench]

EVERY GIVEN SUNDAY THERE'S A SHOCK.
...and an unpredicted Torpedo Bowl Matchup.


The Pro Pick Em in the first week of the post season - Raiders, Browns, Bucs, ... and Every Given Sunday.

Are you kidding me? Not even Guru Neal Stevens would have picked those four, and naturally, the $4M jackpots to next week...meaning, DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Commercial break is over, back to the football.

After back dooring their way into the post season with three straight losses, and then needing favorable results in other games to win the SubSimmers division, and what many consider "lucky" to make the playoffs', have recreated the magic of their week 7 win over Helmand Nighthawks. Proving it was no fluke by spoiling the run of the #1 seeded Nighthawks, defeating them 100 - 86. Every Given Sunday advance to the Torpedo Bowl final.

No one saw that coming, in particular the defending Torpedo Bowl champions, the Dragons, who after getting bruised in the final week of the regular season against the BP Badasses, came back to avenge their loss with a 136 - 103. In week 5, the Dragons defeated Every Given Sunday 88-70, and the Torpedo Bowl match up looks intense.

"We're going in there with our game plan, to match up, and come away with our second trophy," Coach Rick of the Dragons stated in a press conference.

Every Given Sunday Coach Aramike had a different approach to the game. "Free beer and lap dances if we win."

The losses in the Championship round relegate the Helmand Nighthawks to hosting the BP Badasses, the number #1 and #2 seeds in the play off for the bronze medal.

In the Consolation Series, the premier game was the Wild Boston Terriers hosting the Mudville Nine. The Nine were able to get their nose slightly in front in a low scoring game, taking the win 92-75. The Mudville Nine advance to the 5th place game against the Ded Poets, who decimated the Green Beans 121-87. The Green Beans will meet the Wild Boston terriers in the playoff for 7th place.

"Not where we wanted to be," Coach McBee was heard to say.

There were a few other Coaches having word this weekend. Steve Smith of the Australian Taipans and Ben Roethlisberger of the Show Me Your TD's both put up great numbers, (157 yards and 508 yards respectively) to no avail, both Coaches left watching the post season from their respective couches.

So here we are, one final week, and the biggest game of the year sees the Dragons (#3) hosting Every Given Sunday (#4) in perhaps the most unpredicted Torpedo Bowl game. Next week, we will know who the best coach is. Can Coach Rick do it again and make it two in a row, or will the new upstart "party-hard" Coach Aramike pull off the biggest upset of the year, and steal the crown?

Stick around, the best game of the year is about to begin.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In week fifteen, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present, for 308 yards, 4 TD's and scoring 33 points, Peyton Manning of the Ded Poets is the Week fifteen MVT.

[mookiemookie]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

Ben Roethlisberger of the Show Me Your TD's both put up great numbers, (157 yards and 508 yards respectively) to no avail, both Coaches left watching the post season from their respective couches.

Damn right! Rape-lesberger waited until I was out of the running to put up a quality day. It's a conspiracy I tell you!

[Onkel Neal]

Man, these are great writeups. Count me in for FF next year

[ReallyDedPoet]

Very nice work here GW, thanks

[Aramike]

I got insanely lucky this week. It seemed as though I either got no production at all or ridiculous production.

Rodgers helped me out a bit, too.

[RickC Sniper]

These writeups have been a lot of fun to read. Thanks, GW.

I thought Nighthawks would smoke us all in the playoffs. It just goes to show how hard it is to predict these things. It's 90% luck once the playoffs start IMO.

Good Luck to you Mike, in the championship game.

Rick
Team Dragons

[Gut Wrench]

TORPEDO BOWL LINEUPS.
...subject to some last minute Christmas drafting.


Well, the teams have finally arrived at the last game of the year, the one that matters the most, the chance to hoist the converted Torpedo Bowl trophy high aloft, and race off home sticking their tongue out saying "Nhah nhah nhah na nah nah."

But who are the teams? Who are these gladiators that have fought through the fifteen weeks to finally arrive at this concluding game, where some guys will go home with smiles, and the others will be wondering what happened.

Let's meet the teams...right after this commercial break.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Welcome back, we're just about to meet the two teams that will be taking the field starting Christmas night, in the Championship game.

With a regular season record of 8-6, and winning the Sub Simmers Division, Coach Aramike has been met with a barrage of criticism. The underdogs in this match-up, Aramike was asked at the Press Conference "what business he had in the finals with an 8-6 win".

"Yeah it was ugly," he said. "But we made it to the big game, and 14 other teams didn't. How ugly do they look?"

Touche.

And now....the Every Given Sunday team.

Quarterback: Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay)
Wide Receivers: Vincent Jackson (San Diego)
Deion Branch (Seattle)
Jordy Nelson (Green Bay)
Running Backs: Marion Barber (Dallas)
Michael Turner (Atlanta)
Tight End: Jeremy Shockey (New Orleans)
Kicker: Ryan Longwell (Minnesota)
Defense: New Orleans

and on the bench, Ahmad Bradshaw ( New York Giants), Antwann Randle El (Washington) Jason Snelling (Washington) Josh Johnson (Tampa Bay) Tony Scheffer (Denver) and the Philadelphia defense.

Ladies and Gentlemen....Every Given Sunday.


On the other side of the pigskin, and no stranger to the Grand Final, the defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Dragons. Lead by Coach Rick, the Dragons finished the regular season as the #3 seed, taking the Ol Schoolers division with a 9-5 record. They looked strong the whole year, leading their division despite some unexpected losses.

"We came to play," Coach Rick grinned at the Press Conference. "And if we got some W's, that was even better."

And now....the Dragons make their way on to the field.

Quarterback: Phillip Rivers (San Diego)
Wide Receivers: Larry Fitzgerlad (Arizona)
Miles Auston (Dallas)
Mike Sims-Walker (Jacksonville)
Running Backs: Lawrence Maroney (New England)
Quinten Ganther (Washington)
Tight End: Dallas Clark (Indianapollis)
Kicker: Lawrence Tynes (New York Giants)
Defense: Baltimore

and on the bench, Juston Forsett (Seattle), Joshua Cribbs (Cleveland) Kevin Walter (Houston ) Ryan Moats (Houston) Maurice Morris (Detroit) and Kris Brown (Houston)

Ladies and Gentlemen....The Dragons.

Interesting enough, neither team has one player in the scheduled Monday night game, meaning that this Bowl will be decided by, late Sunday night. The Dragons are heavily favored to win, however, Every Given Sunday didn't make it this far on their good, umm, ugly looks.

There are three other games playing out this the final weekend in Subsim Fantasy Football. Full report after the Monday night game.

For the Subsim Football Network, this is Gut Wrench reporting from the Torpedo Bowl.

[mr chris]

Good luck to both teams in the Bowl.
The Nighthawks will be back next season if invited.
Have had a blast in my first FF season.
Thanks for the invite and the help with the draft Niki
Oh and by the way my WR Core you are all fired.

[Aramike]

Originally Posted by mr chris

Good luck to both teams in the Bowl.
The Nighthawks will be back next season if invited.
Have had a blast in my first FF season.
Thanks for the invite and the help with the draft Niki
Oh and by the way my WR Core you are all fired.

Damn, pretty good for the first time out! I got super lucky. If it wasn't for a 5 game winning streak before limping in I would have been toast.

But don't fret too much about WRs. They are notoriously inconsistant, and really depend on how they are gameplanned. Hell, Vincent Jackson has either been my ace or flop every single week.

[Gut Wrench]

DRAGONS WIN.
...in a low scoring Torpedo Bowl.


They came into the season as the defending champions. They fought through some big victories and at least one one major upset to finish as the number #3 seed in the playoffs. And then it fell into their lap, they won their first playoff game and were handed, what most expected was a gift match up against Every Given Sunday. But they did it the hard way through 7 minutes of Monday Night overtime, to become back to back Torpedo Bowl Champions.

Let's find out how...right after this commercial break.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Welcome back. We join the Dragon team as they begin celebrating their second Torpedo Bowl win. Between beers after the game, Coach Rick said "Ughhh, blah erg Sunday huh, blur blur blur, duh Dragons win."
(Translation: "Well done Sunday, they played hard, but on the day, Dragons win.")

In one of the lowest scoring games of the season, the Dragons beat Every Given Sunday 67.43 - 62.89, but they needed from Thursday - Monday to get it done . Every Given Sunday made some late changes to their team (coincidentally on Sunday) removing their injured tight end Jeremy Shockey and running back Michael Turner. By Monday night, their entire season was resting on the boot of Ryan Longwell. Despite some high scoring games across the league, this game was an all round low performance effort, with most players in the Torpedo Bowl only earning single digit scores. The missed point after attempt by Longwell only punctuated the lack of scoring, giving the Dragons, their second championship.

Had Every Given Sunday played to their 8-6 divisional winning level, they could have pulled off the upset of the season.

In the bronze medal game, both Helmand Nighthawks and the BP Badasses more then made up for the low scoring Bowl game, turning it into a thrilling gunslinger match, as the scored rolled up to a Nighthawks win 115.96 - 112.32. In their first season as an expansion team, the Helmand Nighthawks after dominating the regular season, clearly earned the Rookie of the Year Award, if we had one.

Two other games were played to determine the Consolation Bowl placings in the league.

In the 5th place game, The Ded Poets and Mudville Nine (the Nine starting one RB short) needed all of the weekend before Adrian Peterson finally scored a 1 yard touchdown run on Monday Night to put the Ded Nose of the Poets in front. The Poets and Nighthawks showed that the internationally based teams can be a force...if they can survive the draft.

And the battle continued on down the line, the Wild Boston Terriers just too strong for the Green Beans, dominating them and asserting themselves as a deservedly higher seed then the winner of the 7th place game. Final score Wil Boston Terriers 126 - Green Beans 85.

But we cant conclude the last game of the Subsim season without the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) nominating their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. The player who lifted their team to victory, quite possibly, may end up taking the "lower division" NFL MVP.

For 264 passing yards and 2 TD's earning a (relative) high score of 16.73 points, the Torpedo Bowl MVT is Phillip Rivers of the Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Dragons.



For the Subsim Football Network, this is Gut Wrench reporting from the Dragons Clubhouse where the beer is flowing, the strippers are working, and there's not a camera to be seen.

See ya next year.

[Gut Wrench]

ALL SUBSIM TEAM NAMED.
...in honor of a fallen.


In recent weeks my email box has been inundated (well, one anyway) with a request. What about a pro bowl team? At the same time the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) have been reading over the threads and watched the discussions on various players in the league. One evening while having a drink (or two) we decided to nominate our best of the best, with a catch.

As we are a sub-gaming community, it made no sense to nominate our all star team after anyone outside of the forums. And as efforts vary from year to year, the ASW decided that it would be more then fitting that the name of the best team can change from year to year.

So, after a long night of drinking, arguments, more drinking, animated discussions, a late night pizza delivery and a little bit more drinking, the final ballots were counted from all the eligible players in the Torpedo Bowl League.

So without further ado, let me present to you, the all star team, named in honor of one of our fallen members.

2009 ABRAHAM ZEEGERS ALL STAR WOLVERINES.


QB: Drew Brees - The Green Beans
WR: Andrew Johnson - BP Badasses
Wes Walker - Mudville Nine
Miles Austin - Dragons
RB: Chris Johnson - Helmand Nighthawks
Maurice Jones Drew - Wild Boston Terriers
TE: Dallas Clark - Dragons
K: Nate Keeding - Helmand Nighthawks
DEF: New York Jets - Miners

Bench:
Peyton Manning - The Ded Poets
De Dean Jackson - Show Me Your TD's
Sidney Rice - Miners
Thomas Jones - Australian Taipans
Adrian Peterson - Ded Poets
Vernon Davis - Reapers
Ryan Longwell - Every Given Sunday
Baltimore Defense - Dragons