The joke thread - Page 236

VipertheSniper · 03-09-13, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

Applicant: Hmm.. probably having sex with my boss's wife.

Interviewer: Excuse me?!

Applicant: Na, I'm only kidding. Definitely making jokes at inappropriate times.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

Applicant: Hmm.. probably having sex with my boss's wife.

Interviewer: Excuse me?!

Applicant: Na, I'm only kidding. Definitely making jokes at inappropriate times.

only one post apart... wow

Jimbuna · 03-09-13, 10:09 AM

"I love the new DVD player in the car, but do you have anything other than 'Final Destination' for the kids to watch?" asked my wife.

"That'll be the Sat-Nav." I told her.

BossMark · 03-09-13, 02:40 PM

After a rough week for Justin Bieber in the UK, a spokesman for him has said that he doubts he will be returning to the country again.

Well played Brits, job done.

Jimbuna · 03-09-13, 04:00 PM

I went into the library and asked for an invisible book.

The librarian says: 'I haven't seen that one'

RundownJet · 03-10-13, 04:15 AM

The Newfie Stud Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice.

“It’s dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey’re years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos – about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside ‘em. I’m telling ye, man…ye’ll have all de babes ye wants!”

The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bob went back to George the lifeguard and asked him, “What’s wrong now?”

“Lard-Tunderin’ Jeezus b’y!” said George, “the potato goes in the front!”

BossMark · 03-10-13, 04:23 AM

My wife was sitting on the sofa last night reading a book called, "100 ways to please your man."

I said, "Don't bother reading any of that nonsense, you only need to do two things for me and I'll be the happiest bloke ever.

She smiled and said, "Aww, what's that then?"

I said, "Pack your bags and bugger off."

BossMark · 03-10-13, 12:16 PM

Apparently Clare Balding has recently admitted being gay.

Which is weird because I saw him kissing a girl last night.

Jimbuna · 03-10-13, 12:17 PM

After years of calling for the destruction of Britain and compulsory Islam for Europe, radical cleric Abu Qatada was arrested today and remanded in custody.

A spokesman for the Crown Prosecution Service said, 'He went too far this time. His wheelie bin was over-full and the lid wouldn't close.'

BossMark · 03-10-13, 12:21 PM

Apparently the writing's on the wall for Wayne Rooney at United...

But he's not worried as he can't read it

Red October1984 · 03-10-13, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

After a rough week for Justin Bieber in the UK, a spokesman for him has said that he doubts he will be returning to the country again.

Well played Brits, job done.

If only we were that lucky.

Jimbuna · 03-10-13, 01:27 PM

I really enjoyed my local Cannibalism Enthusiasts gathering last week, unfortunately this week it has been cancelled due to lack of membership.

Jimbuna · 03-11-13, 04:59 AM

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on do it yourself abortions.

The librarian says, "We had to get rid of it."

"That's the one." the man replies.

BossMark · 03-11-13, 07:58 AM

Can't work out if, Clare Balding is presenting crufts or competing.

Jimbuna · 03-11-13, 11:36 AM

I've learned one thing after my trip to New York.

Never trust a homeless guy who's selling warm lemonade to you.

BossMark · 03-11-13, 11:42 AM

So the U.S. military now allows women to serve on the front lines.

Part of their plan to defeat the Taliban by giving them the silent treatment?

03-09-13, 10:09 AM	#3527
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"I love the new DVD player in the car, but do you have anything other than 'Final Destination' for the kids to watch?" asked my wife. "That'll be the Sat-Nav." I told her. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-09-13, 02:40 PM	#3528
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	After a rough week for Justin Bieber in the UK, a spokesman for him has said that he doubts he will be returning to the country again. Well played Brits, job done. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-09-13, 04:00 PM	#3529
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I went into the library and asked for an invisible book. The librarian says: 'I haven't seen that one' __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-10-13, 04:23 AM	#3531
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife was sitting on the sofa last night reading a book called, "100 ways to please your man." I said, "Don't bother reading any of that nonsense, you only need to do two things for me and I'll be the happiest bloke ever. She smiled and said, "Aww, what's that then?" I said, "Pack your bags and bugger off." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-10-13, 12:16 PM	#3532
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Apparently Clare Balding has recently admitted being gay. Which is weird because I saw him kissing a girl last night. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-10-13, 04:15 AM	#3530
RundownJet Mate Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 53 Downloads: 80 Uploads: 0	The Newfie Stud Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice. “It’s dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey’re years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos – about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside ‘em. I’m telling ye, man…ye’ll have all de babes ye wants!” The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick! Bob went back to George the lifeguard and asked him, “What’s wrong now?” “Lard-Tunderin’ Jeezus b’y!” said George, “the potato goes in the front!”

03-10-13, 12:17 PM	#3533
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After years of calling for the destruction of Britain and compulsory Islam for Europe, radical cleric Abu Qatada was arrested today and remanded in custody. A spokesman for the Crown Prosecution Service said, 'He went too far this time. His wheelie bin was over-full and the lid wouldn't close.' __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-10-13, 12:21 PM	#3534
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Apparently the writing's on the wall for Wayne Rooney at United... But he's not worried as he can't read it __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-10-13, 01:27 PM	#3536
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I really enjoyed my local Cannibalism Enthusiasts gathering last week, unfortunately this week it has been cancelled due to lack of membership. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-11-13, 04:59 AM	#3537
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man goes into a library and asks for a book on do it yourself abortions. The librarian says, "We had to get rid of it." "That's the one." the man replies. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-11-13, 07:58 AM	#3538
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Can't work out if, Clare Balding is presenting crufts or competing. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-11-13, 11:36 AM	#3539
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,997 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I've learned one thing after my trip to New York. Never trust a homeless guy who's selling warm lemonade to you. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-11-13, 11:42 AM	#3540
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	So the U.S. military now allows women to serve on the front lines. Part of their plan to defeat the Taliban by giving them the silent treatment? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now