Quotes

[Jimbuna]

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

-- Ogden Nash

[Jimbuna]

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

-- Jimbuna (Office remarks).

[Arclight]

Differences between you and your boss:

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

-----

"Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden."
- Orson Scott Card

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by Arclight

Differences between you and your boss:

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

-----

"Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden."
- Orson Scott Card

How true these all are!

-S

[Jimbuna]

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.

[Sailor Steve]

Arclight, that 'Boss' list reminds me of my stepmother. When I was young, it was:

If I didn't hear her, I needed to clean out my ears (or pay attention).
If she didn't hear me, I needed to stop mumbling.

[AVGWarhawk]

Differences between you and your boss:

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

He is playing golf.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

He is playing golf.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

He is playing golf

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

He is playing golf.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

He is playing golf.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

He is playing golf.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

He is playing golf and does not have a boss to please.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

NO, he is playing golf and will tell me he is.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

Well, no. Stress free living and playing golf keeps him from sickness.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Never, he always offers a day off for a mental break. Full pay!


'I have a very cool boss'. That is my quote for the quote thread. He plays a lot of golf and takes care of me and my family like we were one of his own. I could not order up a better boss if I tried.

[Arclight]

Glad to hear it, not everyone can say the same.

(sorry, nothing personal, can't help to poke a bit of fun )

"If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom."
- on flattery, from despair.com

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

...that 'Boss' list reminds me of my stepmother.

:rotfl: True. I guess it applies to any situation where you have a "superior". If you're a kid, it applies to your parents/step-parents, if you're an employee it (generally) applies to your boss , etc. But it's all ment in good fun, of course.

[Jimbuna]

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."

--George W. Bush

[Arclight]

:rotfl:

"I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!"
~ Author Unknown

"Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?"
~ Author Unknown

"Reality bites... and doesn't let go."
~ Author Unknown

[Marriott]

i didnt read all the posts, so hopefully this hasn't been said before.

"It's only impossible until its possible" - my old army sargeant. He said that at least once every half hour.

[Jimbuna]

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

-- Dave Allen

[rifleman13]

"Veni, Vidi, Dormivi" (I came, I saw, I slept)
- from latinsayings.info

[Platapus]

A representative of the people, owes the people not only his industry but his judgement. He betrays them if he sacrifices either to their opinion -- Edmund Burke

[Jimbuna]

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

-- Jim Murray