The “M” word. But don’t say it!

[Platapus]

I came across this article talking about (lowering voice) masturbation. SHH!!!!!

http://christwire.org/2011/01/4chan-...eenagers-to-m/

4Chan Uses Pornographic Images to Force Teenagers to “M”

The article skirts the issue of how can a website FORCE teenagers to.. well you know. While they won’t use the actual “M” word, the writers of this article use some interesting euphemisms

This online web ring has a evil plot to force your boy into wanting to touch his flesh sword with sexual intent.

/b/ is a universal term used by hackers to let them know a forum is filled with “bad” content. Since kids didn’t want their parents to know their were demon whacking in their rooms to produce devil DNA, they would make computer folders named /b/ to throw their parents off.

Epic: 
Epic is a elite word used by these masturbating monkey mashers to described a image that has the most porn scent to it. If you hear your child use this word, then you know to look through his internet browser’s history to see if he has been cruising on hell’s highway.

Oops, the editor missed that!

...exposing your child to devil temptations that are unnatural to do.

Allowing your child to perform self made sexual solo acts on himself will harden his soul and he will become Satan’s charcoal.

Satan’s charcoal?

A good way to keep you son from doing “M”, just let him know the spirits of his dead relatives are watching him as he is pounding himself in adult wet dreamland.

I have heard many a colorful term for Polishing the ole Bayonet, but these are quite inventive.

I think Masturbating Monkey Mashers is epic from an alliterative viewpoint.

If we were not meant to masturbate, how come our arms are just the right length?

[CCIP]

[edit]

4Chan has been linked to masturbation in 87%
4Chan has been linked to poor grades in 34%
4Chan has been linked to disrespectful attitudes towards parents in 53%
4Chan has been linked to pre-martial sex in 82%
4Chan has been linked to obsession with Asian females having sex with tentacles in 65%
4Chan has been linked to pre-martial sex in 82%
4Chan has been linked to serial killer thoughts in 22%
4Chan has been linked to atheism in 9%

I wonder how they got these numbers. Lab studies?

Also I love the specificity about the Asian females, and the doubling of [sic] "pre-martial sex" ...

[Platapus]

I have to admit that the picture of the two asian ladies with the octopuses (octopi) on their heads sucking on the tentacles had me scratching my head (and that is not a euphemism).

I am pretty kinky and pretty understanding of other people's kinks. But the octopus thing is squarely in my WTF zone.

Actually I am more concerned if any of the octopi were hurt as they are intelligent animals and animals can not give consent.

[Platapus]

Parent knocking on Son's bedroom door.. Bang Bang. "Johnny, what are you doing in there?"

"Nothing Mom"

"Johnny are you demon whacking in your room producing devil DNA?"

"No Mom"

"Johnny, you know that self made sexual solo acts on youself will harden your soul and you will become Satan’s charcoal."

(snicker, she said harden) "I know Mom I know."

"Johnny, you know the spirits of your dead relatives are watching you if you are pounding yourself in adult wet dreamland?

(Great aunty Doris. She was hot in her day. MMMmmmmm Chicka Chicka Wawa)

"Johnny?"

"What Mom! I'm not doing anything!"

[Tchocky]

Mission for tomorrow is to work at least one of those euphemisms into a conversation

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by Tchocky

Mission for tomorrow is to work at least one of those euphemisms into a conversation

Take a trip round the horn?

[Reece]

Originally Posted by Platapus

If we were not meant to masturbate, how come our arms are just the right length?

[frau kaleun]

We totally need to start a band called Satan's Charcoal.

[Buddahaid]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

We totally need to start a band called Satan's Charcoal.

[Castout]

I was expecting MI-6 discussion . . . .

[Buddahaid]

SORRY... CAN'T HEAR YOU...WHAT?

[breadcatcher101]

This whole thread has gotten totally out of hand.

Let's all get a grip on ourselves--I mean, ahh...

[breadcatcher101]

Since we are all elite U-boat captains I am sure none of us would engage in such a degrading pratice.

Now performing routine work on the periscope shaft would be an entirely different matter!

I can see it now, most of us love to attack at night, no?

"Up scope!"

(a checkout of the issue at hand)

"By god, men we have a good one! By the looks of her stacks she appears to be of the Raquel Welch class! You should see her, just lying there waiting for us. Let's get in close, I want to put one right down the middle. Down scope."

(after a wee while)

"Up scope! She has changed course, OMG, just look at her, such beautiful lines! Let's get closer still...down scope.

(after another wee while)

"OK, it is time. Up scope! We have her boys! She is ours for the taking, just sitting there in her beauty with her running lights on at that. I can see her flag--American...ahh they make such beautiful ships, those yanks, I wish you could see her all ablaze in her charm with all those lights. Heh, I can see the twinkle in her eyes, you might say."

"Benard, ready on tube one, one is all we need at this range, why I can smell her smoke coming out of those steaming funnels it seems, steady, steady, fire on my command".

(Tube 1 fires)

"Benard! Not yet! What have you done? We missed her!"

"Poor Benard", the chief whispers in your ear. "He has always had a problem with premature--"

"Oh my god! You mean..."

"Yes, my captain.

[papa_smurf]

"A good way to keep you son from doing “M”, just let him know the spirits of his dead relatives are watching him"