Amusing Military Quotes

[Raptor1]

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

[Jimbuna]

"Yes, and they went down very well too."
- A retort from the Duke of Wellington to a comment on how very well French cavalry had come up at Waterloo.

I don't know if this has been profered, but it is true.

There are no athiests in foxholes. Even the most commited atheists will pray when under threat of imminent death. Maybe that is why some are so apposed to war. They would have to admit there is a God.

[Arclight]

Originally Posted by Raptor1

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

:rotfl:

REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
— George Wallace

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
— Elayne Boosler

"I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service."
— Joseph Heller, author of Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
— Groucho Marx

Army food: the spoils of war
— Unknown

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship."
— Dick Gregory

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
— David Friedman

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
— General George S. Patton

"It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber."
— Robert Fulghum

"I am not fond of speaking about politics because I don't have in my possession an army of 200,000 soldiers."
— Frank Liszt

"My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
— President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
— Napoleon Bonaparte

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
— Ambrose Bierce

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
— A. Whitney Brown, during First Gulf War


VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.
"Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge. "Move forward, sir, at once."
"General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy."/p> — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

[ETR3(SS)]

There are two types of ships in the world: Submarines and targets.

All ships are made to sink, it's the submarines that can come back up.

[rubenandthejets]

Not really a quote, but one of favorite annecdotes.

Frederick the Great was marching his men through a town when he saw a cavalryman he had decorated for bravery on the gallows about to be excecuted.

"What did this man do? I personally decorated him for bravery!"
"He was found fornicating with his horse, Your Excellency"
"Well, for God's sake, TRANSFER HIM TO THE INFANTRY!"

[Max2147]

"Now, you must let me have a cup of real, good, hot, strong English tea." - Kaiser Wilhelm II's first words upon arriving in exile in 1918.

[breadcatcher101]

"Don't worry. They can't hit an elephant at this dis--".

(Last words of a union officer during the American Civil War when warned about standing on top of a pile of dirt to get a better view of the confederate positions.)

[TarJak]

Let me see if I've got this straight: in order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.

Yossarian - Catch 22

[Raptor1]

Originally Posted by breadcatcher101

"Don't worry. They can't hit an elephant at this dis--".

(Last words of a union officer during the American Civil War when warned about standing on top of a pile of dirt to get a better view of the confederate positions.)

I do believe it was

"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." - John Sedgwick, after walking around in the open when the Confederates started firing scattered rifle fire, though the way I heard it they weren't actually his very last words

[Janus]

Originally Posted by SteamWake

'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.'
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

Originally Posted by Raptor1

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

Those two remind me of the one scene in a Spongebob Squarepants episode when a loudspeaker announcment is made: "Please run around in circles and cry" (or something like that)
Well, I like the quote from the USMC Sergeant. And the one about Churchill and the Italians is hilarious

Quote from Stalin:
"The death of a man is a tragedy, the death of a million is only a statistic."
(got this from the quotes of the Operation Flashpoint death screen...)

[Raptor1]

"The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches is absurd. It is little short of treasonous" - French Officer on a Tank demonstration, 1916

[antikristuseke]

Originally Posted by CastleBravo

I don't know if this has been profered, but it is true.

There are no athiests in foxholes. Even the most commited atheists will pray when under threat of imminent death. Maybe that is why some are so apposed to war. They would have to admit there is a God.

No, it is not. Have not been in combat yet, but have been under fire and in threat of imminent death. Did not resort to prayer of any kind, instead tried to find a course of action to get my self out of that situation, praying would have gotten me killed.

[Oberon]

During one of the Swedish army’s annual exercises, a sign on a bridge tells everyone "This bridge is destroyed". The exercise commences, and the Commander in Charge, a Colonel, scans around with his binoculars. Suddenly, he sees a line of soldiers walking over the closed bridge, which is marked with red flags, to simulate that it has been destroyed by an artillery barrage. The Colonel jumps in his TGB11 (Terrängbil 11, Eg. Cross Country Vehicle 11) and races down the hill to the bridge to have a word with the lousy platoon commander that allowed his men to cross a simulated destroyed bridge. As he approaches, he can see that the first soldier in line, a 2nd Lieutenant, carries a poster which says, "Vi simmar (We swim!)"

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Oberon

During one of the Swedish army’s annual exercises, a sign on a bridge tells everyone "This bridge is destroyed". The exercise commences, and the Commander in Charge, a Colonel, scans around with his binoculars. Suddenly, he sees a line of soldiers walking over the closed bridge, which is marked with red flags, to simulate that it has been destroyed by an artillery barrage. The Colonel jumps in his TGB11 (Terrängbil 11, Eg. Cross Country Vehicle 11) and races down the hill to the bridge to have a word with the lousy platoon commander that allowed his men to cross a simulated destroyed bridge. As he approaches, he can see that the first soldier in line, a 2nd Lieutenant, carries a poster which says, "Vi simmar (We swim!)"

Good one