Amusing Military Quotes

I don't know if this has been profered, but it is true.

There are no athiests in foxholes. Even the most commited atheists will pray when under threat of imminent death. Maybe that is why some are so apposed to war. They would have to admit there is a God.

[Arclight]

Originally Posted by Raptor1

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

:rotfl:

REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
— George Wallace

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
— Elayne Boosler

"I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service."
— Joseph Heller, author of Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
— Groucho Marx

Army food: the spoils of war
— Unknown

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship."
— Dick Gregory

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
— David Friedman

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
— General George S. Patton

"It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber."
— Robert Fulghum

"I am not fond of speaking about politics because I don't have in my possession an army of 200,000 soldiers."
— Frank Liszt

"My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
— President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
— Napoleon Bonaparte

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
— Ambrose Bierce

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
— A. Whitney Brown, during First Gulf War


VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.
"Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge. "Move forward, sir, at once."
"General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy."/p> — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

[ETR3(SS)]

There are two types of ships in the world: Submarines and targets.

All ships are made to sink, it's the submarines that can come back up.

[rubenandthejets]

Not really a quote, but one of favorite annecdotes.

Frederick the Great was marching his men through a town when he saw a cavalryman he had decorated for bravery on the gallows about to be excecuted.

"What did this man do? I personally decorated him for bravery!"
"He was found fornicating with his horse, Your Excellency"
"Well, for God's sake, TRANSFER HIM TO THE INFANTRY!"

[Max2147]

"Now, you must let me have a cup of real, good, hot, strong English tea." - Kaiser Wilhelm II's first words upon arriving in exile in 1918.

[breadcatcher101]

"Don't worry. They can't hit an elephant at this dis--".

(Last words of a union officer during the American Civil War when warned about standing on top of a pile of dirt to get a better view of the confederate positions.)

[Raptor1]

Originally Posted by breadcatcher101

"Don't worry. They can't hit an elephant at this dis--".

(Last words of a union officer during the American Civil War when warned about standing on top of a pile of dirt to get a better view of the confederate positions.)

I do believe it was

"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." - John Sedgwick, after walking around in the open when the Confederates started firing scattered rifle fire, though the way I heard it they weren't actually his very last words

[TarJak]

Let me see if I've got this straight: in order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.

Yossarian - Catch 22

[Biggles]

Originally Posted by TarJak

Let me see if I've got this straight: in order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.

Yossarian - Catch 22

You got it, that's Catch-22!

One of my favourite books, funny as hell.

"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt, and his only mission each time he went up was to come down alive."

"Open your eyes, Clevinger. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead." (how very true).

"Yossarian's heart sank. Something was terribly wrong if everything was all right and they had no excuse for turning back."
(When nothing is wrong with the plane, there is no reason turning back, which is ofcourse terribly wrong...)

"There was a much lower death rate inside the hospital than outside the hospital, and a much healthier death rate. Few people died unnecessarily"

"What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for."

My all time favourite quote from the book:

"Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. And Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father, or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action." :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Also here is a thing I read many years ago.

You probably knew that there were an italian division fighting alongside the germans at Stalingrad. Well the russians did their great push to surround the city and in the process went through the italian/romanian troops at the fontline. An italian reporter then asked one high ranked officer in the italian army:

-Are we taking high casualties?
-None at all, they're all running.

[SteamWake]

Originally Posted by Biggles

You got it, that's Catch-22!

One of my favourite books, funny as hell.
.

Funny I tried to watch the movie just this week and just could not get through it. Im hoping the book was not quite as frenetic.

[Biggles]

The book is a challenge, that's for sure. You can read it again and again (as I have) and you'll always find/understand something that you hadn't before.

[Platapus]

"Never trade luck for skill."

A corollary

Napoleon , when told the virtues of a new General, eg. the man's heroism, bravery, skill in battle and so on - waved his hand impatiently. "That's all very well," he said, "but is he lucky?"

(although the accuracy of this quote is debated)

[Shearwater]

"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."
- Bertrand Russell

[Stealhead]

I once saw on the wall above each urinal in a U.S. Army barracks latrine over in germany a poster that listed Murphys Laws of Combat I dont recall all of them but here are two:

4.Always remeber that your weapons and gear are made by the lowest bidding contractor.
9.Friendly fire is never friendly.

I have a friend that was a dog handler for the Army over in Vietnam he has a shirt that he got in Saigon it says:
If I die in Vietnam bury me face down so the world can kiss my ass.

[antikristuseke]

Originally Posted by CastleBravo

I don't know if this has been profered, but it is true.

There are no athiests in foxholes. Even the most commited atheists will pray when under threat of imminent death. Maybe that is why some are so apposed to war. They would have to admit there is a God.

No, it is not. Have not been in combat yet, but have been under fire and in threat of imminent death. Did not resort to prayer of any kind, instead tried to find a course of action to get my self out of that situation, praying would have gotten me killed.