Men are just happier - Page 2

AVGWarhawk · 05-01-09, 10:07 AM

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair . . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death
with the chair.'

AVGWarhawk · 05-01-09, 10:23 AM

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with
the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short
distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongsidethe woman
and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies,(thinking,"Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her..

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I
know you could Start
at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

UnderseaLcpl · 05-01-09, 10:31 AM

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Jimbuna · 05-01-09, 11:18 AM

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!"

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!"

"That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh sh!t. It's started."

AVGWarhawk · 05-01-09, 11:23 AM

That one is a classic Jim

Speedo · 05-01-09, 12:54 PM

Good one

Platapus · 05-01-09, 01:30 PM

Marriage is a lot like taking a hot bath.

After you have been in it for a while, it is not so hot anymore

Jimbuna · 05-01-09, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Marriage is a lot like taking a hot bath.

After you have been in it for a while, it is not so hot anymore

But it sure wears the soap

05-01-09, 10:07 AM	#16
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,281 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Job at the FBI The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.' __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

05-01-09, 10:23 AM	#17
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,281 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Never Argue with a Woman One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongsidethe woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies,(thinking,"Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could Start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

05-01-09, 10:31 AM	#18
UnderseaLcpl Silent Hunter Join Date: May 2008 Location: Storming the beaches! Posts: 4,254 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: __________________ I stole this sig from Task Force

05-01-09, 11:18 AM	#19
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,726 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!" This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!" "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh sh!t. It's started." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-01-09, 11:23 AM	#20
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,281 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	That one is a classic Jim __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

05-01-09, 12:54 PM	#21
Speedo Bosun Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Lithuania, Kaunas Posts: 63 Downloads: 112 Uploads: 0	Good one

05-01-09, 01:30 PM	#22
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,382 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Marriage is a lot like taking a hot bath. After you have been in it for a while, it is not so hot anymore __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.