Dear Steve Thread

[Jimbuna]

Here we go

[mapuc]

Here you have the result from Dr Steve

we are all fully normal, the rest of the world is not.

Markus

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Dear Steve

Why does my chair have four legs?

Inquisitive

Because if it had arms it would smack you.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Because if it had arms it would smack you.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

Dear Steve,

Hide the salami, what does it mean and why is it necessary?

Thanks,
Sam the Butcher

Simple. If you leave it out the dog will steal it. I thought everybody knew that.

[Armistead]

Steve,

Sometimes I use Ben Gay at night for muscle stiffness, will this work on my peniz as well?

{And please don't ban me over the peniz, I'm not sure if we can even use the real medical term} However, I will accept another infraction without complaint..

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Fubar2Niner

Dear Steve

Santa is stuck up the chimney and has started shouting. Apparently if I do not pull him out the girls and boys will have no toys. He says his beard is black and he has soot in his sack. He is also complaining of a nasal problem.

There is no Santa. The guy in your chimney is a Rooskie spy.

I have no heavy lifting gear and am somewhat alarmed at the reindeer disloging the roof tiles.

Why would that alarm you? Get out the old hunting rifle. Instant Christmas dinner!

Can you recommend a good chimney sweep, (preferrably a singing sweep, ala Mary Poppins) and a cowboy to round up said reindeer.

Do you want a singing cowboy as well? I work cheap. Also, you need an electronic sweep, not the other kind. And you need to buy my book teaching you to speak Rooshian. 600 rubles at your nearby Skhval-Mart.

Help me Steve, you're my only hope.................

You're beyond hope. That princess, on the other hand...

[u crank]

Dear Steve,

I'm feeling much better now. The prescription you wrote me did the trick. Only one side effect, I now have an unusual fascination with lint. Also the pills seemed rather large, I could hardly swallow them.

Anyway, as you suggested, I checked out your web site www. asksteveheknows. com. and I was impressed. And I'm not easily impressed. Your list of diplomas was quite dazzling. Degrees in Murderology, Tig welding and that Honours degree from The College of Chicken Knowledge. Mmm mm good. I know I'm in safe hands.

As always, Clueless in Canada.

P.S. This Armistead guy seems a little shifty. Watch your step.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by yubba

Dear Steve,
I have had the flu, and have fallen down and got a concussion who am I and can I get a note too excuse me from testifying in front of congress. And if Uncle Joe is going to lead the task force against gun violence will they be armed.?????

The "flu" was part of a secret conspiracy to find out what you know about the assasination of Amenhotep IV. The concussion you got when I...I mean, someone pushed you down the stairs. It's not congress who wants to talk to you, it's progress. It's not the "Uncle Joe" you think it is, it's your wife's uncle Joe, who wants back the twenty bucks you owe him. Finally, of course the task force will be armed. How else will they know what the guns they are supposed to be against look like?

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Here we go

Where are we going? If it's dinner, count me in.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by mapuc

Here you have the result from Dr Steve

we are all fully normal, the rest of the world is not.

Markus

As normal as it gets in a nuthouse. And since you made a diagnosis in my name, you have to share the proceeds of anything you make with me. The rocks they throw at you, you can keep.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Steve,

Sometimes I use Ben Gay at night for muscle stiffness, will this work on my peniz as well?

You are so confused. Ben Gay is to relax the muscles. Is that the effect you're looking for with your other "muscle"?

{And please don't ban me over the peniz, I'm not sure if we can even use the real medical term} However, I will accept another infraction without complaint..

Probably not a problem, since, as anybody who is anybody knows, "peniz" is the Lower Slobovian term for a white lab rat.

[Cybermat47]

Dear Steve,

I seem to have run out of calendars, and I can't get any more, because I'm in jail for cooking minorities without a license. How can I get out of jail to get a calendar?

Sincerely,
Qwerty

[Jimbuna]

Dear Steve

If you get stalked as often as I am can you give me an answer to my problem?

Annoyed!!

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by u crank

Dear Steve,

I'm feeling much better now. The prescription you wrote me did the trick. Only one side effect, I now have an unusual fascination with lint. Also the pills seemed rather large, I could hardly swallow them.

Lint is good. I hear it's going for five cents a ton these days. And those weren't pills. They were pillows, for your stiff neck.

Your list of diplomas was quite dazzling. Degrees in Murderology, Tig welding and that Honours degree from The College of Chicken Knowledge. Mmm mm good. I know I'm in safe hands.

Thanks. I had to buy two truckloads of Cracker Jack to get those. I also picked up a whole passle of decoder rings, which I'm willing to sell real cheap.

As always, Clueless in Canada.

How many times do I have to tell you, leave your religion at home?

P.S. This Armistead guy seems a little shifty. Watch your step.

I'll have you know he runs the website, manages the warehouse, and handles all the money. I trust him completely. Keeping him chained to the desk doesn't hurt either.