Time for a Fart Joke

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:12 AM

As the late George Carlin said:

Farts are fun. Farts are sh*t without the mess

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:30 AM

To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday...

About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them.

Farting in space.

The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut?

One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward.

Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion.

(not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.)

The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind.

After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved.

1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart.

2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit.

3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds

I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed.

Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed.

Jimbuna · 08-02-08, 08:06 AM

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"

The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she sh*ts on you!"

08-02-08, 07:12 AM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	As the late George Carlin said: Farts are fun. Farts are sht without the mess __________________ abusus non tollit usum -* A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-02-08, 07:30 AM	#2
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday... About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them. Farting in space. The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut? One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward. Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion. (not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.) The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind. After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved. 1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart. 2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit. 3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed. Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-02-08, 08:06 AM	#3
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,742 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shts on you!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.* Oh my God, not again!!