Time for a Fart Joke

Monica Lewinsky · 08-01-08, 09:22 PM

Just pull a finger [ALL virus free - safe to click]:

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Fart.mpg

Just in case you folks drift into baked beans:

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/BEANS.WAV

and finally - It's Armagedon with Fart Jokes! :

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/armagedon.wav

Sailor Steve · 08-01-08, 11:05 PM

Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470

UnderseaLcpl · 08-02-08, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Did Franklin really, honestly write that?

Sailor Steve · 08-02-08, 01:00 AM

Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468

Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

UnderseaLcpl · 08-02-08, 01:08 AM

:rotfl:

I'm favoriting that site. I was laughing a bit until I got to that 8th point, where I blew Dr.Pepper out of my nose.

ASWnut101 · 08-02-08, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468

Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

:rotfl: Oh my god that was great. Favoriting it too.

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:12 AM

As the late George Carlin said:

Farts are fun. Farts are sh*t without the mess

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:30 AM

To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday...

About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them.

Farting in space.

The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut?

One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward.

Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion.

(not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.)

The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind.

After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved.

1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart.

2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit.

3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds

I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed.

Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed.

08-01-08, 09:22 PM	#1
Monica Lewinsky Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 845 Downloads: 11 Uploads: 0	Just pull a finger [ALL virus free - safe to click]: http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Fart.mpg Just in case you folks drift into baked beans: http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/BEANS.WAV and finally - It's Armagedon with Fart Jokes! : http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/armagedon.wav __________________ Sink them all! Last edited by Monica Lewinsky; 08-01-08 at 09:34 PM.

08-01-08, 11:05 PM	#2
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies: http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470 __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

08-02-08, 01:00 AM	#4
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one: http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468 Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

08-02-08, 01:08 AM	#5
UnderseaLcpl Silent Hunter Join Date: May 2008 Location: Storming the beaches! Posts: 4,254 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: I'm favoriting that site. I was laughing a bit until I got to that 8th point, where I blew Dr.Pepper out of my nose. __________________ I stole this sig from Task Force

08-02-08, 07:12 AM	#7
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,396 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	As the late George Carlin said: Farts are fun. Farts are sht without the mess __________________ abusus non tollit usum -* A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-02-08, 07:30 AM	#8
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,396 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday... About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them. Farting in space. The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut? One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward. Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion. (not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.) The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind. After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved. 1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart. 2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit. 3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed. Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.