Ultimate Reality Mod - Total Immersion

dkerfoot · 07-19-07, 11:03 AM

I've read a bunch of posts by folks who want to make SH4 as realistic as possible. While I admire the skill and attention to detail of these mods, as a former submariner, I think you are missing a big part of the real experience.

I'd like to suggest the following "lifestyle mods" to bring you as close as possible to the "real thing"

Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running. Keep hands on the wheel. But don’t leave your driveway. Log readings of your oil pressure, water temperature, speedometer and odometer every 15 minutes.

Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on high.

Buy a trash compactor; use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom.

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Take hourly readings on your water and electric meters.

Sleep with your dirty laundry.

set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while it is running.

Set your alarm clock for various times at night; adjust the volume to the maximum. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose. Then go back to bed and do it all again when the alarm goes off.

Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put them back together.

Invite at least 85 people you really don’t like and have them stay for a couple of months.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and lie underneath it to read books.

Every so often, yell "EMERGENCY DEEP!" run into the kitchen and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the kitchen area "Stowed for Sea!"

Put on the stereo headphones (don’t plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 to 4 hours. Say (once again and to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then role up your headphone cord and put them away.

When doing your laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you’ve read at least 5 times before in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time.

Fix-up a shelf in your closet that will serve as your bunk for the next six months. Take the door off of the hinges and replace them with curtains. While asleep, have family members shine a flashlight in your eyes at random intervals and say either "Sign this!" or "Sorry, wrong rack!"

Exchange your computer chair for a stool upholstered with thick green naugahyde and sit on it for 6 hour stretches. You can't be a real submariner without experiencing "naugabutt."

Finally, to make the game itself more realistic, someone should change the settings so that it runs at 1/4 speed when there are no contacts (with no option to speed it up) but then shift to 8x compression whenever a warship or plane appears.

-Doug

TheBrauerHour · 07-19-07, 11:13 AM

I could swear I have read something just like this on these forums before.

Very funny

Old Dog · 07-19-07, 12:31 PM

Where do I sign ?
Hmmm, maybe at my age I should just go to the mall and enlist at Old Navy.

Old Dog

capt-jones · 07-19-07, 01:19 PM

BTW you forgot too add pour a gallon of diesel over yourself

everybody knows submariners stink of diesel

now thats full immersion :rotfl:

EAGLE_01 · 07-19-07, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capt-jones

BTW you forgot too add pour a gallon of diesel over yourself

everybody knows submariners stink of diesel

now thats full immersion :rotfl:

I get the impression thats what the Oil in the Humidifier is for...:hmm:
Interesting post, DKERFOOT

wetwarev7 · 07-19-07, 02:10 PM

great post!

I was gonna start a submariners' realism thread and suggest finishing high school and then joining the navy, but your's is funnier.

Dowly · 07-19-07, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBrauerHour

I could swear I have read something just like this on these forums before.

Very funny

Yep, it has been posted before. Still, very funny!

ming · 07-19-07, 02:43 PM

Bill Nichols · 07-19-07, 02:58 PM

http://www.navy.com/careers/officer/submarine/

Dustyboats · 07-19-07, 07:13 PM

You must be an ex-Nuke Bob...."s", "t", and "a's" never had such comfort as your motor car!!!!!!

07-19-07, 11:03 AM	#1
dkerfoot Swabbie Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 10 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Ultimate Reality Mod - Total Immersion I've read a bunch of posts by folks who want to make SH4 as realistic as possible. While I admire the skill and attention to detail of these mods, as a former submariner, I think you are missing a big part of the real experience. I'd like to suggest the following "lifestyle mods" to bring you as close as possible to the "real thing" Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running. Keep hands on the wheel. But don’t leave your driveway. Log readings of your oil pressure, water temperature, speedometer and odometer every 15 minutes. Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on high. Buy a trash compactor; use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom. Have the paperboy give you a haircut. Take hourly readings on your water and electric meters. Sleep with your dirty laundry. set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while it is running. Set your alarm clock for various times at night; adjust the volume to the maximum. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose. Then go back to bed and do it all again when the alarm goes off. Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put them back together. Invite at least 85 people you really don’t like and have them stay for a couple of months. Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and lie underneath it to read books. Every so often, yell "EMERGENCY DEEP!" run into the kitchen and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the kitchen area "Stowed for Sea!" Put on the stereo headphones (don’t plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 to 4 hours. Say (once again and to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then role up your headphone cord and put them away. When doing your laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you’ve read at least 5 times before in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time. Fix-up a shelf in your closet that will serve as your bunk for the next six months. Take the door off of the hinges and replace them with curtains. While asleep, have family members shine a flashlight in your eyes at random intervals and say either "Sign this!" or "Sorry, wrong rack!" Exchange your computer chair for a stool upholstered with thick green naugahyde and sit on it for 6 hour stretches. You can't be a real submariner without experiencing "naugabutt." Finally, to make the game itself more realistic, someone should change the settings so that it runs at 1/4 speed when there are no contacts (with no option to speed it up) but then shift to 8x compression whenever a warship or plane appears. -Doug

07-19-07, 02:10 PM	#6
wetwarev7 Grey Wolf Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Deep Waters Posts: 871 Downloads: 31 Uploads: 0	great post! I was gonna start a submariners' realism thread and suggest finishing high school and then joining the navy, but your's is funnier. __________________ Guess I should change my sig since SH5 has an offline mode now

07-19-07, 02:58 PM	#9
Bill Nichols Master of Defense Join Date: Mar 2000 Posts: 1,502 Downloads: 125 Uploads: 0	http://www.navy.com/careers/officer/submarine/ __________________ My Dangerous Waters website:

07-19-07, 07:13 PM	#10
Dustyboats Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Southampton. UK Posts: 189 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	You must be an ex-Nuke Bob...."s", "t", and "a's" never had such comfort as your motor car!!!!!! __________________

07-19-07, 11:13 AM	#2
TheBrauerHour Mr. Eastwood Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 364 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	I could swear I have read something just like this on these forums before. Very funny

07-19-07, 12:31 PM	#3
Old Dog Torpedoman Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: MA. US Posts: 112 Downloads: 41 Uploads: 1	Where do I sign ? Hmmm, maybe at my age I should just go to the mall and enlist at Old Navy. Old Dog

07-19-07, 01:19 PM	#4
capt-jones Helmsman Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 109 Downloads: 328 Uploads: 0	BTW you forgot too add pour a gallon of diesel over yourself everybody knows submariners stink of diesel now thats full immersion :rotfl:

07-19-07, 02:43 PM	#8
ming Loader Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 90 Downloads: 138 Uploads: 0