Funny Quotes thread

Platapus · 04-24-07, 08:18 PM

There I was no sh*t.

It was back in late 1999, I was attending a rather boring staff meeting with some very high ranking officers. We were discussing, as usual back then, the Y2K problem.

This O-8 actually asked at the meeting "well, what did we do last time this happened?"

The whole room came to a silent stun. Was he trying to be funny (in which we were all obligated to give a laugh)? Or not. If we laughed and he was serious this would be what we call in the Military a "bad thing".

He was not the type that was well known for his humour. No one laughed and he did not seem to be expecting any laughter.

lesrae · 04-25-07, 01:53 AM

"I'm only shallow on the surface"

A very stoned mate of mine a few years ago.

Ishmael · 04-25-07, 03:01 AM

"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning." ...unknown Clamper.

Camaero · 04-25-07, 03:12 AM

Do movie quotes count? I just watched Operation Petticoat for the hundredth time so:

"We sunk a truck! Let's get the hell out of here!"

"It's like watching a strip tease. Don't ask how it's done, just enjoy what's coming off."

"When I was a kid, I was the victim of the most vicious propaganda. People told me that money wasn't everything and I believed it. Then I found out that the people that were telling me that money wasn't everything were the people who had a lot of money. Now there are two ways you can get money. You can steal it, or you can marry it."

"When a girl is under 21, she's protected by law. When she's over 65, she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out."

The Avon Lady · 04-25-07, 04:04 AM

Almost anything Yogi Berra said.

My favorite: "Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't go to yours."

jumpy · 04-25-07, 04:24 AM

There are some real classics from British sports commentator, David Coleman, I shall give only one example here as his talent for talking balls is legendary and prolific:

"The game isn't over yet, but I thought the best team won."

and my current signature, courtesy of the great Clive James (I just love his understatedly dry sense of humour)

"Private enterprises like giant aircraft went badly enough, however, and almost always there came a time when the government had to support them with public funds, pending the day they could go into service and start losing money on a commercial basis."

I shan't bother with any Bushisms, we've most likely done them to death already, but if I was to pick a favourite it would be the onle where he goes on about 'fool me once shame on you...' and gets it completely wrong infront of so many people.

Anything that comes out of Tony Blairs' mouth is a joke already, so take yiour pick

STEED · 04-25-07, 10:06 AM

Well last year I cracked everyone up with laughter when I made the comment. "If I wanted to see rubbish I would have gone to the city dump" it was a remark about the rubbish on TV.

Quote:

Nikita Khrushchev

Berlin is the testicle of the West. When I want the West to scream, I squeeze on Berlin.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

04-25-07, 01:53 AM	#2
lesrae Grey Wolf Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Somerset, UK. Posts: 932 Downloads: 31 Uploads: 0	"I'm only shallow on the surface" A very stoned mate of mine a few years ago. __________________ DOLPHIN 38

04-25-07, 03:12 AM	#4
Camaero The Old Man Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: USA, Massachusetts Posts: 1,477 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	Do movie quotes count? I just watched Operation Petticoat for the hundredth time so: "We sunk a truck! Let's get the hell out of here!" "It's like watching a strip tease. Don't ask how it's done, just enjoy what's coming off." "When I was a kid, I was the victim of the most vicious propaganda. People told me that money wasn't everything and I believed it. Then I found out that the people that were telling me that money wasn't everything were the people who had a lot of money. Now there are two ways you can get money. You can steal it, or you can marry it." "When a girl is under 21, she's protected by law. When she's over 65, she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out." __________________

04-25-07, 04:04 AM	#5
The Avon Lady Über Mom Join Date: May 2005 Location: Jerusalem, Israel Posts: 6,147 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Almost anything Yogi Berra said. My favorite: "Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't go to yours." __________________ "Victory will come to us from the wombs of our women." - Houari Boumedienne, President of Algeria, Speech before the UN, 1974

04-25-07, 04:24 AM	#6
jumpy Admiral Join Date: May 2003 Location: Midlands, UK Posts: 2,139 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	There are some real classics from British sports commentator, David Coleman, I shall give only one example here as his talent for talking balls is legendary and prolific: "The game isn't over yet, but I thought the best team won." and my current signature, courtesy of the great Clive James (I just love his understatedly dry sense of humour) "Private enterprises like giant aircraft went badly enough, however, and almost always there came a time when the government had to support them with public funds, pending the day they could go into service and start losing money on a commercial basis." I shan't bother with any Bushisms, we've most likely done them to death already, but if I was to pick a favourite it would be the onle where he goes on about 'fool me once shame on you...' and gets it completely wrong infront of so many people. Anything that comes out of Tony Blairs' mouth is a joke already, so take yiour pick __________________ when you’ve been so long in the desert, any water, no matter how brackish, looks like life

04-24-07, 08:18 PM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,426 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	There I was no sh*t. It was back in late 1999, I was attending a rather boring staff meeting with some very high ranking officers. We were discussing, as usual back then, the Y2K problem. This O-8 actually asked at the meeting "well, what did we do last time this happened?" The whole room came to a silent stun. Was he trying to be funny (in which we were all obligated to give a laugh)? Or not. If we laughed and he was serious this would be what we call in the Military a "bad thing". He was not the type that was well known for his humour. No one laughed and he did not seem to be expecting any laughter.

04-25-07, 03:01 AM	#3
Ishmael Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Morro Bay, Ca. Posts: 659 Downloads: 79 Uploads: 0	"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning." ...unknown Clamper.