The joke thread II - Page 325

Jimbuna · 12-08-23, 01:40 PM

Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.

Platapus · 12-09-23, 05:33 AM

Does anyone need an ark?
I Noah guy!

Jimbuna · 12-09-23, 05:52 AM

Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.

Jeff-Groves · 12-09-23, 11:56 AM

I just found out the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

Jimbuna · 12-09-23, 11:59 AM

What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.

Platapus · 12-09-23, 01:01 PM

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Jeff-Groves · 12-09-23, 01:51 PM

If laziness was an Olympic sport?

I'd try to come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to receive an award!

Platapus · 12-09-23, 04:13 PM

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

Jimbuna · 12-10-23, 06:15 AM

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.

Platapus · 12-10-23, 06:16 AM

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running from the ball!

Jimbuna · 12-10-23, 08:14 AM

If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?

Platapus · 12-10-23, 03:13 PM

What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

“GRRRAAAIIINNNNS!”

Jimbuna · 12-11-23, 06:51 AM

I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.

Platapus · 12-11-23, 02:01 PM

What’s at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck!

Jimbuna · 12-12-23, 06:12 AM

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.

12-08-23, 01:40 PM	#4861
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-09-23, 05:33 AM	#4862
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-09-23, 05:52 AM	#4863
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-09-23, 11:59 AM	#4865
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-09-23, 01:01 PM	#4866
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-09-23, 11:56 AM	#4864
Jeff-Groves GLOBAL MODDING TERRORIST Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,657 Downloads: 137 Uploads: 0	I just found out the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

12-09-23, 01:51 PM	#4867
Jeff-Groves GLOBAL MODDING TERRORIST Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,657 Downloads: 137 Uploads: 0	If laziness was an Olympic sport? I'd try to come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to receive an award!

12-09-23, 04:13 PM	#4868
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-23, 06:15 AM	#4869
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-10-23, 06:16 AM	#4870
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running from the ball! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-23, 08:14 AM	#4871
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-10-23, 03:13 PM	#4872
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIIINNNNS!” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-11-23, 06:51 AM	#4873
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-11-23, 02:01 PM	#4874
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,406 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What’s at the bottom of the ocean and shivers? A nervous wreck! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-12-23, 06:12 AM	#4875
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,153 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!