The joke thread II - Page 310

Platapus · 09-22-23, 07:24 PM

i joined a dating site for arsonists

got some great matches

Platapus · 09-24-23, 08:14 AM

Last night, I deleted my wife's audio book

I'm never going to hear the end of it

Platapus · 09-24-23, 03:04 PM

I got mugged by six dwarfs last night

Not happy

Jimbuna · 09-25-23, 12:17 PM

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.

Jimbuna · 09-25-23, 12:19 PM

Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present.

Platapus · 09-25-23, 03:50 PM

It is a shame that nothing is built in the USA any more.

I recently bought a radio and on the back was a label "Built in Antenna"

Jimbuna · 09-26-23, 05:35 AM

What does a house wear? A dress.

Jimbuna · 09-26-23, 10:47 AM

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.

Platapus · 09-26-23, 03:31 PM

I was feeling a bit depressed

My wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth"

That meant the world to me.

Jimbuna · 09-27-23, 01:15 PM

Why didn’t the bike want to go anywhere? Because it was two-tired!

Jimbuna · 09-27-23, 01:22 PM

Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great!

Platapus · 09-27-23, 03:51 PM

When I got home from work, the wife was complaining that the baby had been crying for hours and asked if I could take over.

Wanting to give the baby a break, I started crying.

Jimbuna · 09-28-23, 02:35 AM

Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, "Let's go get a drink, there's this new place that does THE best punch you'll ever drink."

So they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender "Bartender, two glasses of your best punch please."

The bartender replies in a stern voice, "If you want some punch you're gonna have to get in line like everybody else."

The friends turn and look around but there's no punch line…

Jimbuna · 09-29-23, 11:55 AM

What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us!

Jeff-Groves · 09-29-23, 04:11 PM

WalMart Home delivery says you have to prove your over 21.
Dropping my pants and showing the Grey hairs on my Nut sack worked.

But They won't deliver to my house any longer!

09-22-23, 07:24 PM	#4636
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	i joined a dating site for arsonists got some great matches __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-24-23, 08:14 AM	#4637
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Last night, I deleted my wife's audio book I'm never going to hear the end of it __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-24-23, 03:04 PM	#4638
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I got mugged by six dwarfs last night Not happy __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-25-23, 12:17 PM	#4639
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-25-23, 12:19 PM	#4640
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-25-23, 03:50 PM	#4641
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	It is a shame that nothing is built in the USA any more. I recently bought a radio and on the back was a label "Built in Antenna" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-26-23, 05:35 AM	#4642
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What does a house wear? A dress. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-26-23, 10:47 AM	#4643
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-26-23, 03:31 PM	#4644
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was feeling a bit depressed My wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth" That meant the world to me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-27-23, 01:15 PM	#4645
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why didn’t the bike want to go anywhere? Because it was two-tired! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-27-23, 01:22 PM	#4646
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-27-23, 03:51 PM	#4647
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,394 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	When I got home from work, the wife was complaining that the baby had been crying for hours and asked if I could take over. Wanting to give the baby a break, I started crying. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-28-23, 02:35 AM	#4648
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, "Let's go get a drink, there's this new place that does THE best punch you'll ever drink." So they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender "Bartender, two glasses of your best punch please." The bartender replies in a stern voice, "If you want some punch you're gonna have to get in line like everybody else." The friends turn and look around but there's no punch line… __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-29-23, 11:55 AM	#4649
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,862 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-29-23, 04:11 PM	#4650
Jeff-Groves GLOBAL MODDING TERRORIST Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,655 Downloads: 137 Uploads: 0	WalMart Home delivery says you have to prove your over 21. Dropping my pants and showing the Grey hairs on my Nut sack worked. But They won't deliver to my house any longer!