The joke thread II - Page 291

Jimbuna · 06-04-23, 05:14 AM

An irish farmer sees a welsh farmer carrying 2 sheep under his arms, and asks, “are you gonna shear them?
.”No”.says the Welshman..
.”they”re both for me”.

Jimbuna · 06-04-23, 05:15 AM

Two Irish men talking in a bar, Mick and Paddy.

“So Paddy what’s your ringtone?” says Mick
“I’ve never looked Mick but I would imagine it’s a light brown colour”.

Jimbuna · 06-05-23, 05:39 AM

A girl went to a doctors surgery with a Strawberry up her bottom, The doctor said I’ve got some “Cream” For that.

Jimbuna · 06-05-23, 05:41 AM

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…

“Mr Cook?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”

I said, “That’s ridiculous – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

Platapus · 06-05-23, 03:22 PM

My wife could not understand why I was mad at her for being lazy

"But, I haven't done anything!" she retorted

Jimbuna · 06-06-23, 05:38 AM

What’s green and smells like yellow paint?

Green Paint

Jimbuna · 06-06-23, 05:56 AM

Your Mom is so fat she needs a lifeguard for her cereal bowl.

Jimbuna · 06-07-23, 07:47 AM

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

Jimbuna · 06-07-23, 08:02 AM

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

Platapus · 06-07-23, 04:17 PM

What is Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?

Wendy's

Jimbuna · 06-08-23, 07:03 AM

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

Jimbuna · 06-08-23, 07:04 AM

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

Jimbuna · 06-09-23, 06:51 AM

Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

Jimbuna · 06-09-23, 06:59 AM

When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

magic452 · 06-10-23, 12:19 AM

An old married couple just learned how to text so the wife decides to send a romantic note and she writes:
"If you are eating send me a taste
If you are drinking send me a sip
If you are laughing send me a smile
If you are asleep send me a dream"

After a few minutes, the husband texts back;
"I'm on the toilet, please advise."

Magic

06-04-23, 05:14 AM	#4351
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	An irish farmer sees a welsh farmer carrying 2 sheep under his arms, and asks, “are you gonna shear them? .”No”.says the Welshman.. .”they”re both for me”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-04-23, 05:15 AM	#4352
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two Irish men talking in a bar, Mick and Paddy. “So Paddy what’s your ringtone?” says Mick “I’ve never looked Mick but I would imagine it’s a light brown colour”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-05-23, 05:39 AM	#4353
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A girl went to a doctors surgery with a Strawberry up her bottom, The doctor said I’ve got some “Cream” For that. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-05-23, 05:41 AM	#4354
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s ridiculous – my dog doesn’t have a bike!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-05-23, 03:22 PM	#4355
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife could not understand why I was mad at her for being lazy "But, I haven't done anything!" she retorted __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-06-23, 05:38 AM	#4356
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-06-23, 05:56 AM	#4357
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Your Mom is so fat she needs a lifeguard for her cereal bowl. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-07-23, 07:47 AM	#4358
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-07-23, 08:02 AM	#4359
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-07-23, 04:17 PM	#4360
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What is Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out? Wendy's __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-08-23, 07:03 AM	#4361
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-08-23, 07:04 AM	#4362
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-09-23, 06:51 AM	#4363
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-09-23, 06:59 AM	#4364
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,914 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke? When it becomes apparent. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-10-23, 12:19 AM	#4365
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	An old married couple just learned how to text so the wife decides to send a romantic note and she writes: "If you are eating send me a taste If you are drinking send me a sip If you are laughing send me a smile If you are asleep send me a dream" After a few minutes, the husband texts back; "I'm on the toilet, please advise." Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l