Something I always find annoying

[Feuer Frei!]

Originally Posted by Stealhead

The point though is when the host asks how much you want yet still gives more than you ask for.

Maybe they are just being generous. Their version of generous is maybe different than yours.
You see it as waste. They see it as being generous hosts. Not a biggy really.

To me this is rude if you are going to pile it on anyway then you should not ask what the guest wants.

Hospitality differs from household to household.
Some pile it on, some give you less.
Asking and then piling it on is not meant to embarrass you.
Take it as that.

I think feeding the dog is the better option in such awkward situations. If one is slick about it no one notices (except for the dog most pleased of course). And the over confident host thinks that you ate it all and feels wonderful as well.

If the host doesn't see it, yea, he'd be happy that you enjoyed their cooking.
But of course that's not the case, because you may, given that the host catches you feeding their dog the overly-generous portions, then i'd say the host has a few rights or reasons to be pissed.
Ground rule: never feed someone elses dog, that's the owner's job. Reasons for that i'm sure you know.
Secondly, host thinks the cooking is crap?
Thirdly, not respectful of the host's offer of (in your view) overly-generous portions?
Do the hosts ignore you when you say: Look this is way too much, i won't be able to eat it all?
If they do, then eat what you can and say i'm full.
If they don't, ask for the overly-generous portion(s) to be removed?

You have options.
It seems you don't exercise them too well.

In my house the food gets passed around and you take what you want in the portion that you want everyone is happy.

Every household has different rules.
Or at least, how food gets served to their dinner guests.

If you are around a household that is different than yours, you need to adjust to their hospitality.
Common sense and courtesy prevail.
If you can't do that, or you're busting a hernia over something like that, well, pass up on those dinner invites and maybe hold dinner around your house for them.
That way you know it will be done to your wishes, and you don't have to feed the dog on the sly.

Once again, you have options. Use them.

[Stealhead]

Yeah I am aware of all that been to many places eaten many meals. Still to me hosting is a two way street. Obviously I have an option feeding the dog.

I have never actually feed a dog food I did not want by the way. That was a failed attempt at humor.

I'll give you an example of what I have done when I got something I did not really wamt eat.
It was at a friends house his wife made beef stroganof well in place of beef it had mushrooms which I really dont like. What did I do you ask? I ate the whole plate and never said a word of complaint.

[swamprat69er]

You can always leave early and woof it right back up. Out of sight of the host, naturally.

[Stealhead]

Like the Romans.

[Platapus]

Generally, in social circumstances, you should recognize the intent behind the act, and not focus on the act itself.

When the host puts food on your plate, they are not doing it in a way intended to make you feel bad. They are putting on your plate what they feel is an appropriate amount of food.

Graciously accept it and eat what you want.

In many cultures, America being only one of them, having a guest not having "enough" food is embarrassing. So the host makes sure that each guest has plenty of food.

From the host's viewpoint, it is better to offer more food than the guest can/wants to eat then to offer the guest not enough food. This means that frequently the host errs on the side of offering more food. This is not an uncommon custom in many countries.

In America, it is not considered an insult to the host to leave food on your plate as long as you are lavish with your complements. It is a win-win consummation.

However, if you eat all the food on your plate, the host may worry that you did not get enough to eat. This is why in many cultures it is polite to leave a little bit of food on your plate.

The take-away is that the host is doing something with the best of intentions. They don't mean to make you feel bad, in fact, they wish to facilitate you doing your part of the custom -- eat and leave some food.

Is it wasteful? Well yes. But in a social environment, criticizing the host for wasting food is not going to make the event easier.

Judge a social act in the light of the intent of the person doing the act, not how you interpret the act itself.

[in_vino_vomitus]

Interesting discussion. It brought a couple of things to mind regarding feeding which may or may not be relevant. I had a manager once, when I worked for a communications company that I'll call Cellphone Whorehouse - anyway she used to bring food in for the team - sweets mostly, cakes sometimes. Anyway there was one particular day when I didn't feel like filling my body with sugar, so I politely declined, which went down surprisingly badly with my boss. I mean she was obviously annoyed, and yet she - to my mind - had no reason to be. I mean it's not like I had asked her for the goodies or even known in advance they were going to be proffered.

That incident brought to mind something about my mother, who also had a thing about feeding. She'd ask me if I was hungry and I'd say no; She'd follow that up with "well would you like [insert food here]? I'd refuse again and the offer would be repeated with a different food. It would turn into a battle of wills and it never ended well - Anyway, my point is that I think that sometimes people use food as a compliance game, if that's the right word. The aim being to.... Actually I'm not sure what the aim could possibly be except to get you doing what the other person wants instead of what you want. It does rather tick me off. I mean No means No for the little things too.

Not sure if this is particularly what the OP was thinking of, but it did rather remind me - And humans have a really complex relationship with food, compared to every other animal on the planet. Sometimes it's hard to see that as a good thing....

On the other hand I'm torn between having a couple of croissants for breakfast, or Huevos rancheros which I guess wouldn't be an option if we didn't have that relationship with food. Time to stop writing I think - i feel an essay coming on

[Jimbuna]

Eat what you can then ask for a doggy bag (a bag used to take food home with you after the meal) if it's that much of a big deal.

[Armistead]

Too much food to eat......Put it in a doggy bag and give it to a homeless person.

We have a deli of sorts like that, you could make 3 meals out of what they put on your plate for 8 bucks....Take it home and eat for days, even saves money and all that time cooking.

[Stealhead]

Originally Posted by in_vino_vomitus

Interesting discussion. It brought a couple of things to mind regarding feeding which may or may not be relevant. I had a manager once, when I worked for a communications company that I'll call Cellphone Whorehouse - anyway she used to bring food in for the team - sweets mostly, cakes sometimes. Anyway there was one particular day when I didn't feel like filling my body with sugar, so I politely declined, which went down surprisingly badly with my boss. I mean she was obviously annoyed, and yet she - to my mind - had no reason to be. I mean it's not like I had asked her for the goodies or even known in advance they were going to be proffered.

That incident brought to mind something about my mother, who also had a thing about feeding. She'd ask me if I was hungry and I'd say no; She'd follow that up with "well would you like [insert food here]? I'd refuse again and the offer would be repeated with a different food. It would turn into a battle of wills and it never ended well - Anyway, my point is that I think that sometimes people use food as a compliance game, if that's the right word. The aim being to.... Actually I'm not sure what the aim could possibly be except to get you doing what the other person wants instead of what you want. It does rather tick me off. I mean No means No for the little things too.

Not sure if this is particularly what the OP was thinking of, but it did rather remind me - And humans have a really complex relationship with food, compared to every other animal on the planet. Sometimes it's hard to see that as a good thing....

On the other hand I'm torn between having a couple of croissants for breakfast, or Huevos rancheros which I guess wouldn't be an option if we didn't have that relationship with food. Time to stop writing I think - i feel an essay coming on

Finally someone understands what I am saying.

Lets take the the idea of asking for a "doggie bag" or turning down completely or wanting less. All of these can and do offend people so in fact those are not always viable options. Especially if the person is a little funny about food. It is not like I encounter this kind of thing very often and to be honest when I do you can bet that I wont go to that person's house for a meal again. To me when they are forcing what they have on you beyond what you wanted if they asked it seems as though they are trying a control thing on you which they will be offended at if you refuse. At the end of the day that is rude/inappropriate even if the person is a guest.Is it not also the goal of a good host to make the guest feel comfortable with in reason?

Being a guest is one thing yes but a person should also be a good host it is a two way street.

For example anyone every see the show Long Way Round? Ewan Mcgregor and a friend ride bikes from the UK East all the way to the US. Part of the trip was through Mongolia and they got invited into a family yurt. While they where cooking in effect cow,goat and sheep ball soup luckily the lady was not a control freak and she only gave them one ball a peace because they said "I only want a small amount".

[vanjast]

Originally Posted by in_vino_vomitus

..I'll call Cellphone Whorehouse - anyway she used to bring food in for the team - sweets mostly, cakes sometimes. Anyway there was one particular day when I didn't feel like filling my body with sugar, so I politely declined, which went down surprisingly badly with my boss. I mean she was obviously annoyed, and yet she - to my mind - had no reason to be. I mean it's not like I had asked her for the goodies or even known in advance they were going to be proffered.

That incident brought to mind something about my mother, who also had a thing about feeding. She'd ask me if I was hungry and I'd say no; She'd follow that up with "well would you like [insert food here]? I'd refuse again and the offer would be repeated with a different food. It would turn into a battle of wills and it never ended well..

PMT

[Buddahaid]

Originally Posted by in_vino_vomitus

Interesting discussion. It brought a couple of things to mind regarding feeding which may or may not be relevant. I had a manager once, when I worked for a communications company that I'll call Cellphone Whorehouse - anyway she used to bring food in for the team - sweets mostly, cakes sometimes. Anyway there was one particular day when I didn't feel like filling my body with sugar, so I politely declined, which went down surprisingly badly with my boss. I mean she was obviously annoyed, and yet she - to my mind - had no reason to be. I mean it's not like I had asked her for the goodies or even known in advance they were going to be proffered.

That incident brought to mind something about my mother, who also had a thing about feeding. She'd ask me if I was hungry and I'd say no; She'd follow that up with "well would you like [insert food here]? I'd refuse again and the offer would be repeated with a different food. It would turn into a battle of wills and it never ended well - Anyway, my point is that I think that sometimes people use food as a compliance game, if that's the right word. The aim being to.... Actually I'm not sure what the aim could possibly be except to get you doing what the other person wants instead of what you want. It does rather tick me off. I mean No means No for the little things too.

Not sure if this is particularly what the OP was thinking of, but it did rather remind me - And humans have a really complex relationship with food, compared to every other animal on the planet. Sometimes it's hard to see that as a good thing....

On the other hand I'm torn between having a couple of croissants for breakfast, or Huevos rancheros which I guess wouldn't be an option if we didn't have that relationship with food. Time to stop writing I think - i feel an essay coming on

Sounds like your former boss had an eating problem and wanted to make herself feel better by having others eat too. She was just mad that you had more control over your dietary intake than she had.

Still, about the OP's rant, if you are the guest it's polite to accept what's offered but you don't have to finish it.

[Wolferz]

Still, about the OP's rant, if you are the guest it's polite to accept what's offered but you don't have to finish it.

Unless you're one of the host's kids.

Wife 1.0's BFF would heap huge portions onto her little girl's plate and not allow her to be excused until she made it a happy plate. The poor kid literally had morbid obesity forced upon her. Her momma was a bit on the heavy side also and was possibly attempting to compensate by making her child as miserable as herself. I wanted to call bull scat on her with fervor.