For all us married men...

Armistead · 10-11-13, 10:28 AM

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.".

Sailor Steve · 10-11-13, 11:26 AM

Back in 1971 I saw an ad in a local newspaper:

"Wife says motorcycle goes or she does. Either one $500."

Platapus · 10-11-13, 12:02 PM

I decided to get a handgun for my wife.

All in all, a pretty good trade.

AVGWarhawk · 10-11-13, 12:55 PM

My wife made me join her bridge club ... I jump next Tuesday.

One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag - he felt up my wife.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said "why should I you never put out for me".

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "no one drag is enough"

My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

One day I came home and saw a guy jogging naked, I said "Hey buddy why are you doing that", he said "cause you came home early".

Once in a restaurant I made a toast to my wife, "To the best woman a man ever had". The waiter joined me.

-Rodney Dangerfield.

Wolferz · 10-11-13, 12:59 PM

My wife was so cold that the furnace would kick on when she spread 'em.

Platapus · 10-11-13, 01:49 PM

I was returning home from a business trip. On a whim, I asked the cab driver to take me somewhere where I could get some action.

He took me to my house.

Rodney was the best!

Platapus · 10-11-13, 01:57 PM

Your wife is a lot like your car.

You love it, it's an important part of your life. Things of beauty and importance are often referred to as her.

and on a cold morning, when you really need her, she won't turn over.

Platapus · 10-11-13, 01:59 PM

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

10-11-13, 10:28 AM	#1
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.". __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

10-11-13, 11:26 AM	#2
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Back in 1971 I saw an ad in a local newspaper: "Wife says motorcycle goes or she does. Either one $500." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

10-11-13, 12:02 PM	#3
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I decided to get a handgun for my wife. All in all, a pretty good trade. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-11-13, 12:55 PM	#4
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,291 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	My wife made me join her bridge club ... I jump next Tuesday. One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag - he felt up my wife. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said "why should I you never put out for me". I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "no one drag is enough" My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat. One day I came home and saw a guy jogging naked, I said "Hey buddy why are you doing that", he said "cause you came home early". Once in a restaurant I made a toast to my wife, "To the best woman a man ever had". The waiter joined me. -Rodney Dangerfield. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

10-11-13, 12:59 PM	#5
Wolferz Navy Seal Join Date: May 2007 Location: On a mighty quest for the Stick of Truth Posts: 5,963 Downloads: 52 Uploads: 0	My wife was so cold that the furnace would kick on when she spread 'em. __________________ Tomorrow never comes

10-11-13, 01:49 PM	#6
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was returning home from a business trip. On a whim, I asked the cab driver to take me somewhere where I could get some action. He took me to my house. Rodney was the best! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-11-13, 01:57 PM	#7
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Your wife is a lot like your car. You love it, it's an important part of your life. Things of beauty and importance are often referred to as her. and on a cold morning, when you really need her, she won't turn over. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-11-13, 01:59 PM	#8
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,395 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.