The joke thread - Page 327

Jimbuna · 10-02-13, 02:17 PM

America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

BossMark · 10-02-13, 02:48 PM

Apparently "One in five girl binge drinkers have sex they regret"

The other four were from Essex

Jimbuna · 10-02-13, 05:09 PM

My ex girlfriend has just called me a stalker.

I overheard the conversation with her mum from outside her bedroom window.

Jimbuna · 10-03-13, 05:21 AM

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

BossMark · 10-03-13, 01:56 PM

I was having a drink in the pub when my mate said, "Have you been to the dentists?."

"Yeah, I went this morning, how did you know?"

"That sticker saying, I was brave."

GoldenRivet · 10-03-13, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

im stealing that one LOL - modified slightly of course

Jimbuna · 10-03-13, 02:42 PM

Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.

"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."

"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let my folks carry me around until I was 4."

BossMark · 10-04-13, 04:02 AM

My little girl come up to me and asked, "Daddy, is it true that little girls grow up to be like their mum?"

"Yes, sweetheart, that's true." I said.

Then she ran off crying.

Jimbuna · 10-04-13, 08:28 AM

I came home from work to find a massive beam on my wife's face.

"Maybe I should have got a proper firm in to build our extension instead of doing it myself," I thought, rummaging through the rubble.

BossMark · 10-04-13, 08:45 AM

Royal Mail workers are going to ballot for strike action.

It's going to be a postal ballot.

Jimbuna · 10-04-13, 09:21 AM

" I am not that fat !! " screamed the wife as i loaded her into the back of the van with my forklift.

BossMark · 10-04-13, 10:26 AM

They say if your palm is itching you'll get money, if your toes are itching you'll get new shoes, if your lips are itching you'll get a kiss. So if your private parts are itching...don't fool yourself...go take a bloody bath

BossMark · 10-04-13, 11:24 AM

A sexy woman noticed me looking depressed in the bar last night.

She walked over and asked, "Are you ok?"

I said, "No, everyone thinks I'm a pervert."

"You don't seem that bad," she smiled. "Is there something else you want to talk about?"

I replied, "Yes, your tits."

Jimbuna · 10-04-13, 11:36 AM

Was sitting in my living room watching the Manchester derby the other day when I saw my neighbour beating his wife. Couldn't believe my eyes!

The sod said he'd give his second match ticket to me!

BossMark · 10-05-13, 05:49 AM

Olympic triple jumper Phillips Idowu is to appear in court on Monday accused of driving THREE times over the limit.

Ironically he's in for the high jump.

10-02-13, 02:17 PM	#4891
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended) __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-02-13, 02:48 PM	#4892
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Apparently "One in five girl binge drinkers have sex they regret" The other four were from Essex __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-02-13, 05:09 PM	#4893
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My ex girlfriend has just called me a stalker. I overheard the conversation with her mum from outside her bedroom window. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-03-13, 05:21 AM	#4894
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-03-13, 01:56 PM	#4895
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was having a drink in the pub when my mate said, "Have you been to the dentists?." "Yeah, I went this morning, how did you know?" "That sticker saying, I was brave." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-03-13, 02:42 PM	#4897
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two kids meet on their first day of primary school. "I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old." "You call that clever?" says the other. "I let my folks carry me around until I was 4." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-04-13, 04:02 AM	#4898
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My little girl come up to me and asked, "Daddy, is it true that little girls grow up to be like their mum?" "Yes, sweetheart, that's true." I said. Then she ran off crying. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-04-13, 08:28 AM	#4899
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I came home from work to find a massive beam on my wife's face. "Maybe I should have got a proper firm in to build our extension instead of doing it myself," I thought, rummaging through the rubble. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-04-13, 08:45 AM	#4900
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Royal Mail workers are going to ballot for strike action. It's going to be a postal ballot. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-04-13, 09:21 AM	#4901
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	" I am not that fat !! " screamed the wife as i loaded her into the back of the van with my forklift. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-04-13, 10:26 AM	#4902
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	They say if your palm is itching you'll get money, if your toes are itching you'll get new shoes, if your lips are itching you'll get a kiss. So if your private parts are itching...don't fool yourself...go take a bloody bath __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-04-13, 11:24 AM	#4903
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A sexy woman noticed me looking depressed in the bar last night. She walked over and asked, "Are you ok?" I said, "No, everyone thinks I'm a pervert." "You don't seem that bad," she smiled. "Is there something else you want to talk about?" I replied, "Yes, your tits." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-04-13, 11:36 AM	#4904
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Was sitting in my living room watching the Manchester derby the other day when I saw my neighbour beating his wife. Couldn't believe my eyes! The sod said he'd give his second match ticket to me! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-05-13, 05:49 AM	#4905
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Olympic triple jumper Phillips Idowu is to appear in court on Monday accused of driving THREE times over the limit. Ironically he's in for the high jump. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now