Have no children

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

I grew up with two sisters. I have two daughters of my own. All four have never been told that they will be incomplete if they do not have children. In fact, my one sister is adopted Korean. My other sister adopted a Korean, as well as, had two girls of her own. My soon to be 15 year old has stated she will adopt over having a child of her own birth. As far as pleasing another to have a child, no one has pressured anyone in my family. To further that notions, why not adopt a child already on this mud ball? Anyway, sorry you were pressured. It is not right.

I never said I was, not in the sense that someone in a position to do so was hanging over me shouting HAVE KIDS HAVE KIDS HAVE KIDS.'

Nevertheless there is still an assumption made by many people that having kids is the "right" or "normal" thing to do, and that if you make a decision NOT to have them it's because you're "selfish" or there is some other deep character flaw that prevents you from wanting what they think everybody is supposed to want. It's there in the looks of unspoken sympathy or even suspicion that you get from some people when they find out you are childless, as though they can't comprehend how that could have been a deliberate choice for anyone.

As for adopting, I decided very early on that if I were going to raise children, I would adopt them, simply because I felt no burning need or desire to experience pregnancy, pass on my DNA, etc., and that being the case it would be better to provide a home for a child that was already here but had none.

I have never been in a position where having a child by any means looked like a responsible choice, nor have I ever worked towards the goal of putting myself in such a position, which pretty much says that it was never a goal or a priority in my life - if it had been I would have worked to make it happen.

[AVGWarhawk]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

I never said I was, not in the sense that someone in a position to do so was hanging over me shouting HAVE KIDS HAVE KIDS HAVE KIDS.'

Nevertheless there is still an assumption made by many people that having kids is the "right" or "normal" thing to do, and that if you make a decision NOT to have them it's because you're "selfish" or there is some other deep character flaw that prevents you from wanting what they think everybody is supposed to want. It's there in the looks of unspoken sympathy or even suspicion that you get from some people when they find out you are childless, as though they can't comprehend how that could have been a deliberate choice for anyone.

As for adopting, I decided very early on that if I were going to raise children, I would adopt them, simply because I felt no burning need or desire to experience pregnancy, pass on my DNA, etc., and that being the case it would be better to provide a home for a child that was already here but had none.

I have never been in a position where having a child by any means looked like a responsible choice, nor have I ever worked towards the goal of putting myself in such a position, which pretty much says that it was never a goal or a priority in my life - if it had been I would have worked to make it happen.

I understand your position. As far as the assumption that not having kids makes you something other than normal I do not buy. Not in today's age. You are, however, comparing your position to a males point of view as pointed in this article. I'm inclined to believe a males point of view concerning children are different than females. For some reason we as males are to continue the family name with a male child. Has been this way for centuries

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

IFor some reason we as males are to continue the family name with a male child. Has been this way for centuries

I guess I'm an abberation. I've never understood that need. I have two daughters, both are married and none of my grandchildren have my last name. I don't see why it's important.

But that's just me.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

I guess I'm an abberation. I've never understood that need. I have two daughters, both are married and none of my grandchildren have my last name. I don't see why it's important.

It's important because "my seed" and "my DNA" and "my name" MUST MUST MUST be preserved down through the generations because some part of ME ME ME must remain after I'm gone and it must be properly stamped with the word "MINE" so people know exactly who made it.

This is why having children is the only purely unselfish choice.

[Sailor Steve]

While dad is complaining mom is really screwed. She gave up her name and replaced it with his, and even her sons will never have her name.

Kinda sad if "name memory" is really the goal.

[AVGWarhawk]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

It's important because "my seed" and "my DNA" and "my name" MUST MUST MUST be preserved down through the generations because some part of ME ME ME must remain after I'm gone and it must be properly stamped with the word "MINE" so people know exactly who made it.

This is why having children is the only purely unselfish choice.

I never once heard from my father state I must carry on the line. I think we are just about out of the Dark Ages.

I guess I'm an abberation.

Not in the slightest

[Betonov]

Can we continue in about an hour or two.

I really need to go to the pub and don't want to be lost in all the replies when I get back. I'll be sober, I promise

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Betonov

I'll be sober, I promise

I'd rather have you be Betanov.

[AVGWarhawk]

Originally Posted by Betonov

Can we continue in about an hour or two.

I really need to go to the pub and don't want to be lost in all the replies when I get back. I'll be sober, I promise

I think I'm finished here. Everyone has their own perspective on this essay. Enjoy the pub!

[AVGWarhawk]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

I guess I'm an abberation. I've never understood that need. I have two daughters, both are married and none of my grandchildren have my last name. I don't see why it's important.

But that's just me.

It is not just you Steve. I never saw the need. Plus I have 2 brothers with sons. I'm covered.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

It is not just you Steve. I never saw the need. Plus I have 2 brothers with sons. I'm covered.

If the name is all that matters, I guess I'm fine. My grandpa had seven sons. My brother has no kids, but I have a passle of cousins, and the name is still out there in the hundreds.

[AVGWarhawk]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

If the name is all that matters, I guess I'm fine. My grandpa had seven sons. My brother has no kids, but I have a passle of cousins, and the name is still out there in the hundreds.

I'm not certain but centuries ago I believe it was a mix of carrying on the name and bloodline. Today perhaps just the name? I don't know. I have two beautiful brilliant daughters and I simply would not have it any other way.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

I'm not certain but centuries ago I believe it was a mix of carrying on the name and bloodline. Today perhaps just the name? I don't know. I have two beautiful brilliant daughters and I simply would not have it any other way.

Centuries ago it was important for royalty and nobility. Peasants didn't even have last names.