The joke thread

[Jimbuna]

What's the difference between HMV and Victoria Beckham?

HMV sold CD's.

[BossMark]

Administrators are to try and help HMV pay off £176 million in debts.

Although, knowing HMV, the debts are probably a lot cheaper online.

[Jimbuna]

If Concorde travelled at twice the speed of sound, how did they speak to air-traffic control?

[BossMark]

Gordon Strachan has been named the new Scotland manager, and wants to make the country proud.
Lets hope for his sake he's managing the ladies curling team.

[Jimbuna]

The wife and i were arguing about where to go on holiday next year. I wanted to go somewhere hot and sunny whereas she wants somewhere cool where she wont get a tan. We managed to reach a compromise though. As a result I'm on a plane to barbados and she's in a shallow grave in Hyde Park

[BossMark]

I feel sorry for the staff about to lose their jobs at HMV. .

. . over-trained for McDonald's, under-trained for literally everything else.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

If Concorde travelled at twice the speed of sound, how did they speak to air-traffic control?

Modern technology. Have you seen how fast a reel of string can unwind these days?

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Modern technology. Have you seen how fast a reel of string can unwind these days?

I have an evil masterplan;

I'm going to drill a huge hole through the Moon and thread a massive piece of string through it.

Then I will finally be able to conker the World.

[Herr-Berbunch]

I've recently bought the wife some Union Jack knickers.

I call them her Belfast Pants.

Every time I pull them down there is a protest.

[BossMark]

I've found it tough lately working on the Tesco meat counter....

I feel like I'm flogging a dead horse.

[Jimbuna]

I had to get my wife a birthday present so dashed down to the High St. today. Jessops shut. HMV shut. Comet shut. Ann Summers open.

Never mind, I'll stick a tenner in her card.

[BossMark]

I just seen a bloke shoplifting beefburgers from Tesco getting chased by two security guards .. he must have been at it for months because the bastard covered half a mile of car park in ten seconds and jumped the 6 foot perimeter fence.

[Jimbuna]

Following the news about Segments of Horses been found in Tesco's Burgers they have decided to reduce the Price of them from 50-1 to 25-1!

[BossMark]

The government guidelines for road travel in the snow, suggest that you carry thermal clothing, a blanket, a Thermos, a hazard warning triangle, a snow shovel, grit, a flash light, extra batteries and enough food and drink to last for 24 hours. bugger me did I look a Pratt on the bus this morning

[Lord_magerius]

New Tesco burgers: Low in fat, high in Shergar.