Like one big, happy family: A Subsim CK2 Dynasty AAR

Hottentot · 08-13-12, 06:55 AM

Last week I sent calvary greetings to a few fellow Subsim captains, offering them a 100 % risky free chance to take part in a BUSINESS TRANSACTION involving an inherotance from a DECEASED AUNT Mr. Roger Bob they had never heard of. All fee transactions through Western Union please OK.

In all seriousness, I asked them to partake in a Crusader Kings AAR, the folks were interested and here we are. If everything goes well, we should be starting a succession game soon enough, each playing a generation or two, bringing you (un)intentional hilarity in form of different characters and different playstyles so typical to the great game.

To everyone in the old boys club: I hope you are still in, or if you haven't replied to the PM yet, express your interest here. In this thread we can agree on the details more fluently than through PM (thanks for the good idea, Rilder!), and I imagine we can also use the same thread for the eventual AAR itself to save the forum from clutter.

I think it's initially enough if we decide where we play and who starts. So far (in addition to my initial suggestions) only England has been suggested by Oberon, unless I'm suffering from a serious memory malfunction. Is that OK with everyone?
As for the sequence, I can play the first generation, unless someone else wants it. However, let's note that the first characters tend to play quicker than the later generations, so it's probably best to give the early generations to the busy people among us. I have plenty of time (holiday starting soon), so I can take later generations too, but if no one else wants it, I can go first too.

Anything else?

To the rest of the world: there is at the moment handful of us doing this, since contrary to all my expectations, most people I sent that PM to accepted the invitation (and some haven't replied yet.) Therefore it's not exactly an open invitation for everyone with CK 2. However, the more the merrier, so if you are interested, please participate in the thread and let's see where we can fit you in. All I'm asking is, that you consider it for a while before jumping in: this is an AAR, so updating it is up to each individual playing on their turn. Take this extra work into consideration before joining.

And general comments and chitter-chatter is of course as welcome as with any AAR thread.

- - - - - -

17.12.2012: Dear diary. My God, we haven't dissolved the whole world or even England yet by accident! In fact, we are already many generations down the road to Absurdstan. Therefore, due to popular request, I'm adding a randomly updated (read: when I'm sober enough) list of our rulers and direct links to the beginning of each one's reign.

1066 - 1084: The Inglorious Reign of Earl Waltheof the Egomaniac

1084 - 1124: A New Dope: Duke Eanfirth I of Deheubarth

1124 - 1166: More Tales From the Dark Depths of England, Volume III. The Reign of Eanfrith II the Relatively Sane

1166 - 1175: Chronicles of Northumbria. Reign of a Northumbrian Duke Sigeweard I 'The Builder' of Deheubarth, son of Eanfirth II

1175 - 1193: The short and boring reign of Duke Andrea I

1193 - 1253: The Blunders of Duke Andrea II the Flamboyant Schemer

HunterICX · 08-13-12, 10:40 AM

I'm still game

as for play time during the week I work till 8 PM so my time is a bit limited but still I can squeeze out some CKII years out of that but in the weekend I got plenty of time to spare

HunterICX

Crécy · 08-13-12, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HunterICX

I'm still game

+1

Also, England is fine. As is every other suggestion. And I don't have any preferences regarding my position in the roster.

Oberon · 08-13-12, 02:06 PM

I'm game. I misunderstood the way we'd be playing it out in the PM but that's not a problem. England is good, and I look forward to the craziness that is to come.

08-13-12, 10:52 PM

England is not a bad place to start, though a bit lacking in dynasty starting selection. (Well at least for people like me who only start as counts)

Maybe one of the Welsh guys?

Hottentot · 08-15-12, 07:16 AM

Awright, since it seems we are set for now, I'll start the first generation this weekend. Updates to start flowing as soon as there is something to post.

Raptor1 · 08-15-12, 07:27 AM

I haven't any complaints with this arrangement. England might be somewhat difficult, given how it tends to alternate between iron rule, confusing civil war and Norwegian occupation all the time, but that shouldn't be that much of a problem.

Just one thing: can I call dibs on the first lunatic or possessed character?

Hottentot · 08-15-12, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raptor1

Just one thing: can I call dibs on the first lunatic or possessed character?

That would be the second generation once the poor brat has been through 10 years of my pedagogic expertise and helpful guidance. Which reminds me, do you (whoever takes the second turn) have any wishes of how I should name the heir?

Hottentot · 08-17-12, 12:36 PM

THE FIRST GENERATION
Or: The Inglorious Reign of Earl Waltheof the Egomaniac
(With lots of shiny pictures)

The year 1066 of our savior Jesus Christ. All is well in Christendom. The amount of decapitations per capita remains at steady 20. Due to some liberal and effiminate law changes recently, the rest are hanged these days.

At the heart of Christendom stands the stalwart defender of our one true faith, the Holy Roman Empire. MY EMPIRE! Well...sort of...

I have recently heard how good fish is for your health, so I migrated to these islands, which would totally be mine if there weren't, like, umpteen different lords claiming the same. They are all pretenders, of course.

This is mine, at least. The biggest and the most beautiful: the kingdom of England.

OK, so there is this moustache-for-brains called Harold who claims to be sovereign of all England. He hasn't liked me since I told him to pull another one. Pfft, who does he think he is? Just because he can raise 100 times more men at arms than I can doesn't mean he is any better than me.

Well anyway, I'm letting Harold to play king and concentrate on the big lines from behind the scenes, namely the county of Northampton. At least that's still mine.

That is, if that stupid Harold managed to get his little army together and drive out these weirdly speaking men who came in those dragon boats and stink like fish. And they seem to breed like fish too.

Then there is this megalomaniac emo-hairstyle duke who thinks he should be the next sovereign of all England. And without asking my opinion either! Can you believe it?! The nerve!

This is me: the real brain behind every great scheme that my underlings manage to foil. People say I'm wrothful, slothful and gluttonous. Well, I say they can rot in my dungeon while I eat cake in front of their cell door and then go take a nap. Bloody peasants.

Speaking of peasants, they are not paying me enough taxes. It's time to change that.

Then I send this hunchbacked whispering guy to an independent county in Wales. His mission there is to make the local count understand that the county, in fact, belongs to me and not him. I have a long Welsh heritage, after all. WIw wcanw wspeakw wtheirw wsillyw wtonguew wveryw wfluentw wlikew wbecausew wofw witw wsow witw wmustw wbew wtruew.

While he is out there and the rest of his council colleagues have been assigned jobs too, I can finally concentrate on using my charming nature on the opposite sex. So I find this rich heiress from France and propose we'll get married.

Personally I think she is annoying and ugly, but I like her rich and generous father.

While I'm busy getting laid, Harold is losing my army to the emo-lad in South.

He desperately calls me to save the day, which I of course again accept to do, but this time it comes with great personal cost.

Poor me. Can I get some attention here while I'm recovering? Can I? Huh? Can I?

Ugh, what's that horrible stench? It smells like ages old herring! Oh, right, stupid Harold lost half of the Northern part of the kingdom to the mead men, which actually doesn't surprise me anymore at all.

I'm convinced this fundy is to blame. I never liked him anyway.

Blessings and glory! I have a heir!

And on the top of that, a cool scar I can exploit in my attempts of making more of them! Life is good!

Dowly · 08-17-12, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hottentot

WIw wcanw wspeakw wtheirw wsillyw wtonguew wveryw wfluentw wlikew wbecausew wofw witw wsow witw wmustw wbew wtruew.

Oh my, this AAR's going to be epic.

Crécy · 08-18-12, 03:21 AM

Ought to we already decide who is going to take over after Hottentot?

Hottentot · 08-18-12, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crécy

Ought to we already decide who is going to take over after Hottentot?

Preferably: my character just died from pneumonia at the age of 36 or something, so my radiant path was cut short before I got to use even half of my popular culture references.

I'll sort the pics out and try to keep up the pace, but it can take a while. Still, I reckon it's all done in a few days.

[SPOILERS BELOW!]

For what it's worth: the heir is 15 years old, so you will have a perfect chance to choose his mentor and get him a proper education. He has relatively even mix of good and bad traits. His two brothers inherited a county each, but they are his vassals, so you are free to play dictator as you like.

Oberon · 08-18-12, 06:12 AM

Do you want to take first place at the bat Crecy, or shall I?

Crécy · 08-18-12, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oberon

Do you want to take first place at the bat Crecy, or shall I?

You can take the first place if you want

.

Hottentot · 08-18-12, 09:01 AM

If it's settled, I can upload the save to some place and send a link to Oberon, so you can already start playing while I'm still updating.

- - - - - -

Oh God...emo-lad is approaching my county from the South and fishmen from the North. They are here soon! Why isn't anyone doing anything?! Why are they here anyway?! Why are they all heading to my lands?!

It must be a conspiracy!!

I have found the ringleader! I heard him talking to his beard last night when he thought I wasn't watching! It must contain miniature devil spawns that are trying to replace us! And he is a gardener too! He is growing them in his evil garden! Servant of the fish gods! The fishes are out there to get me! Have you seen how they look at me from my plate?!

Quick! Throw him in the dungeon before he poisons the well with his secret botanical serum and brainwashes us all to grow beards like that!

Oh noes! It's too late! He already lured my poor innocent wife into some of his nonsense!

A good tumbling should give her something else to think about. Poor woman.

Hmm...I'm no expert on brat biology, but this one seems to be missing something very vital.

Gasp! The poor thing! The little devil spawns must have crawled in my wife's womb while she was sleeping and bitten my poor innocent child! God, give me strenght to find the servants of these evil little invaders and send them to where they belong!

Huzaa! My relentless efforts against the servants of the fish gods have been successful! The fishmen packed their dragon boats and left back to the Odinland!

Not that my peasants helped. Someone has planted in their thick skulls an idea that I'm not treating them well and they don't want to fight for me.

It's the fault of the lice ridden beard man in my dungeon! He is sending telepathic waves with his hat! I think we should bash his skull a little bit to make it more difficult for him!

While guards are busy reshaping the evil conspirator's cranium, I concentrate on politics and call dips on this heiress of three counties on the South coast.

Stupid guards! They were in league with the fishmen and didn't do proper job! The telepathic waves are continuing, I know it from my headache. It's time I finish this for good! It's time to send the conspiring beard man to his masters in Hell.

Hmm, I'd better not write a return address to his box, so the Swedes won't send him back here...

As the little mumbling box floats further and further away and finally disappears behind the horizon, I still feel the headache. The telepathic waves are continuing. And this time they are coming from the West! Of course! The Welsh! It's the Welsh who are conspiring to prevent me from achieving my divinely inspired glory! How didn't I think of this sooner?

Since beardy happened to be rich and we couldn't fit all his possessions into the box, I now happen to have lots of money. I decide to use it to hire bunch of lads from the local tavern and together we leave on happy adventure in Wales.

Wtremblew wunwashedw wpretenderw! Wyourw wdaysw warew wnumberedw!

The cowardly Welsh count sent his men to fight me, but it turns out 200 men weren't enough to stop 1,700 Saxon tourists. So I tried meeting him in his castle, but he just closed the door and claimed he wasn't home. I suppose we'll have to kick it in to see if there is any truth in that.

Sieging is boring. Good thing I took with me something to kill the spare time with.

Hey, what do you know, he was home after all. Well, indeed: was. It's my home now. But I order the local carpenter to make him a new one. I think he would appreciate similar to that we gave to the beardy.

Meanwhile I'm informed that my poor, maimed child is not eager to do things. Well what wonder is that when it's missing the vital part to do anything interesting? It can't be because of me, because I'm not like that at all. Unfortunately the first five servants bringing these news just didn't get it.

Whaaaat?! Another one of those! It's worse than I thought! The little devils with their razor sharp claws have permanently infected my wife!

08-13-12, 06:55 AM	#1
Hottentot Sea Lord Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: My private socialist utopia of Finland Posts: 1,918 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Like one big, happy family: A Subsim CK2 Dynasty AAR Last week I sent calvary greetings to a few fellow Subsim captains, offering them a 100 % risky free chance to take part in a BUSINESS TRANSACTION involving an inherotance from a DECEASED AUNT Mr. Roger Bob they had never heard of. All fee transactions through Western Union please OK. In all seriousness, I asked them to partake in a Crusader Kings AAR, the folks were interested and here we are. If everything goes well, we should be starting a succession game soon enough, each playing a generation or two, bringing you (un)intentional hilarity in form of different characters and different playstyles so typical to the great game. To everyone in the old boys club: I hope you are still in, or if you haven't replied to the PM yet, express your interest here. In this thread we can agree on the details more fluently than through PM (thanks for the good idea, Rilder!), and I imagine we can also use the same thread for the eventual AAR itself to save the forum from clutter. I think it's initially enough if we decide where we play and who starts. So far (in addition to my initial suggestions) only England has been suggested by Oberon, unless I'm suffering from a serious memory malfunction. Is that OK with everyone? As for the sequence, I can play the first generation, unless someone else wants it. However, let's note that the first characters tend to play quicker than the later generations, so it's probably best to give the early generations to the busy people among us. I have plenty of time (holiday starting soon), so I can take later generations too, but if no one else wants it, I can go first too. Anything else? To the rest of the world: there is at the moment handful of us doing this, since contrary to all my expectations, most people I sent that PM to accepted the invitation (and some haven't replied yet.) Therefore it's not exactly an open invitation for everyone with CK 2. However, the more the merrier, so if you are interested, please participate in the thread and let's see where we can fit you in. All I'm asking is, that you consider it for a while before jumping in: this is an AAR, so updating it is up to each individual playing on their turn. Take this extra work into consideration before joining. And general comments and chitter-chatter is of course as welcome as with any AAR thread. - - - - - - 17.12.2012: Dear diary. My God, we haven't dissolved the whole world or even England yet by accident! In fact, we are already many generations down the road to Absurdstan. Therefore, due to popular request, I'm adding a randomly updated (read: when I'm sober enough) list of our rulers and direct links to the beginning of each one's reign. 1066 - 1084: The Inglorious Reign of Earl Waltheof the Egomaniac 1084 - 1124: A New Dope: Duke Eanfirth I of Deheubarth 1124 - 1166: More Tales From the Dark Depths of England, Volume III. The Reign of Eanfrith II the Relatively Sane 1166 - 1175: Chronicles of Northumbria. Reign of a Northumbrian Duke Sigeweard I 'The Builder' of Deheubarth, son of Eanfirth II 1175 - 1193: The short and boring reign of Duke Andrea I 1193 - 1253: The Blunders of Duke Andrea II the Flamboyant Schemer __________________ Хотели как лучше, а получилось как всегда. Last edited by Hottentot; 12-31-12 at 02:37 AM.

08-13-12, 10:40 AM	#2
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	I'm still game as for play time during the week I work till 8 PM so my time is a bit limited but still I can squeeze out some CKII years out of that but in the weekend I got plenty of time to spare HunterICX __________________

08-15-12, 07:16 AM	#6
Hottentot Sea Lord Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: My private socialist utopia of Finland Posts: 1,918 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Awright, since it seems we are set for now, I'll start the first generation this weekend. Updates to start flowing as soon as there is something to post. __________________ Хотели как лучше, а получилось как всегда.

08-15-12, 07:27 AM	#7
Raptor1 Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stavka Posts: 8,211 Downloads: 13 Uploads: 0	I haven't any complaints with this arrangement. England might be somewhat difficult, given how it tends to alternate between iron rule, confusing civil war and Norwegian occupation all the time, but that shouldn't be that much of a problem. Just one thing: can I call dibs on the first lunatic or possessed character? __________________ Current Eastern Front status: Probable Victory

08-17-12, 12:36 PM	#9
Hottentot Sea Lord Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: My private socialist utopia of Finland Posts: 1,918 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	THE FIRST GENERATION Or: The Inglorious Reign of Earl Waltheof the Egomaniac (With lots of shiny pictures) The year 1066 of our savior Jesus Christ. All is well in Christendom. The amount of decapitations per capita remains at steady 20. Due to some liberal and effiminate law changes recently, the rest are hanged these days. At the heart of Christendom stands the stalwart defender of our one true faith, the Holy Roman Empire. MY EMPIRE! Well...sort of... I have recently heard how good fish is for your health, so I migrated to these islands, which would totally be mine if there weren't, like, umpteen different lords claiming the same. They are all pretenders, of course. This is mine, at least. The biggest and the most beautiful: the kingdom of England. OK, so there is this moustache-for-brains called Harold who claims to be sovereign of all England. He hasn't liked me since I told him to pull another one. Pfft, who does he think he is? Just because he can raise 100 times more men at arms than I can doesn't mean he is any better than me. Well anyway, I'm letting Harold to play king and concentrate on the big lines from behind the scenes, namely the county of Northampton. At least that's still mine. That is, if that stupid Harold managed to get his little army together and drive out these weirdly speaking men who came in those dragon boats and stink like fish. And they seem to breed like fish too. Then there is this megalomaniac emo-hairstyle duke who thinks he should be the next sovereign of all England. And without asking my opinion either! Can you believe it?! The nerve! This is me: the real brain behind every great scheme that my underlings manage to foil. People say I'm wrothful, slothful and gluttonous. Well, I say they can rot in my dungeon while I eat cake in front of their cell door and then go take a nap. Bloody peasants. Speaking of peasants, they are not paying me enough taxes. It's time to change that. Then I send this hunchbacked whispering guy to an independent county in Wales. His mission there is to make the local count understand that the county, in fact, belongs to me and not him. I have a long Welsh heritage, after all. WIw wcanw wspeakw wtheirw wsillyw wtonguew wveryw wfluentw wlikew wbecausew wofw witw wsow witw wmustw wbew wtruew. While he is out there and the rest of his council colleagues have been assigned jobs too, I can finally concentrate on using my charming nature on the opposite sex. So I find this rich heiress from France and propose we'll get married. Personally I think she is annoying and ugly, but I like her rich and generous father. While I'm busy getting laid, Harold is losing my army to the emo-lad in South. He desperately calls me to save the day, which I of course again accept to do, but this time it comes with great personal cost. Poor me. Can I get some attention here while I'm recovering? Can I? Huh? Can I? Ugh, what's that horrible stench? It smells like ages old herring! Oh, right, stupid Harold lost half of the Northern part of the kingdom to the mead men, which actually doesn't surprise me anymore at all. I'm convinced this fundy is to blame. I never liked him anyway. Blessings and glory! I have a heir! And on the top of that, a cool scar I can exploit in my attempts of making more of them! Life is good! __________________ Хотели как лучше, а получилось как всегда.

08-13-12, 02:06 PM	#4
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	I'm game. I misunderstood the way we'd be playing it out in the PM but that's not a problem. England is good, and I look forward to the craziness that is to come.

08-13-12, 10:52 PM	#5
Rilder Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	England is not a bad place to start, though a bit lacking in dynasty starting selection. (Well at least for people like me who only start as counts) Maybe one of the Welsh guys?

08-18-12, 03:21 AM	#11
Crécy Grey Wolf Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dark forest Posts: 793 Downloads: 316 Uploads: 0	Ought to we already decide who is going to take over after Hottentot? __________________ “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” -Henry David Thoreau

08-18-12, 06:12 AM	#13
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	Do you want to take first place at the bat Crecy, or shall I?

08-18-12, 09:01 AM	#15
Hottentot Sea Lord Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: My private socialist utopia of Finland Posts: 1,918 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	If it's settled, I can upload the save to some place and send a link to Oberon, so you can already start playing while I'm still updating. - - - - - - Oh God...emo-lad is approaching my county from the South and fishmen from the North. They are here soon! Why isn't anyone doing anything?! Why are they here anyway?! Why are they all heading to my lands?! It must be a conspiracy!! I have found the ringleader! I heard him talking to his beard last night when he thought I wasn't watching! It must contain miniature devil spawns that are trying to replace us! And he is a gardener too! He is growing them in his evil garden! Servant of the fish gods! The fishes are out there to get me! Have you seen how they look at me from my plate?! Quick! Throw him in the dungeon before he poisons the well with his secret botanical serum and brainwashes us all to grow beards like that! Oh noes! It's too late! He already lured my poor innocent wife into some of his nonsense! A good tumbling should give her something else to think about. Poor woman. Hmm...I'm no expert on brat biology, but this one seems to be missing something very vital. Gasp! The poor thing! The little devil spawns must have crawled in my wife's womb while she was sleeping and bitten my poor innocent child! God, give me strenght to find the servants of these evil little invaders and send them to where they belong! Huzaa! My relentless efforts against the servants of the fish gods have been successful! The fishmen packed their dragon boats and left back to the Odinland! Not that my peasants helped. Someone has planted in their thick skulls an idea that I'm not treating them well and they don't want to fight for me. It's the fault of the lice ridden beard man in my dungeon! He is sending telepathic waves with his hat! I think we should bash his skull a little bit to make it more difficult for him! While guards are busy reshaping the evil conspirator's cranium, I concentrate on politics and call dips on this heiress of three counties on the South coast. Stupid guards! They were in league with the fishmen and didn't do proper job! The telepathic waves are continuing, I know it from my headache. It's time I finish this for good! It's time to send the conspiring beard man to his masters in Hell. Hmm, I'd better not write a return address to his box, so the Swedes won't send him back here... As the little mumbling box floats further and further away and finally disappears behind the horizon, I still feel the headache. The telepathic waves are continuing. And this time they are coming from the West! Of course! The Welsh! It's the Welsh who are conspiring to prevent me from achieving my divinely inspired glory! How didn't I think of this sooner? Since beardy happened to be rich and we couldn't fit all his possessions into the box, I now happen to have lots of money. I decide to use it to hire bunch of lads from the local tavern and together we leave on happy adventure in Wales. Wtremblew wunwashedw wpretenderw! Wyourw wdaysw warew wnumberedw! The cowardly Welsh count sent his men to fight me, but it turns out 200 men weren't enough to stop 1,700 Saxon tourists. So I tried meeting him in his castle, but he just closed the door and claimed he wasn't home. I suppose we'll have to kick it in to see if there is any truth in that. Sieging is boring. Good thing I took with me something to kill the spare time with. Hey, what do you know, he was home after all. Well, indeed: was. It's my home now. But I order the local carpenter to make him a new one. I think he would appreciate similar to that we gave to the beardy. Meanwhile I'm informed that my poor, maimed child is not eager to do things. Well what wonder is that when it's missing the vital part to do anything interesting? It can't be because of me, because I'm not like that at all. Unfortunately the first five servants bringing these news just didn't get it. Whaaaat?! Another one of those! It's worse than I thought! The little devils with their razor sharp claws have permanently infected my wife! __________________ Хотели как лучше, а получилось как всегда.