Puns - Page 2

Platapus · 12-10-11, 11:37 AM

Did you hear about the two ladies who went for a tramp in the woods?

He got away.

Jimbuna · 12-10-11, 01:57 PM

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

AVGWarhawk · 12-10-11, 04:17 PM

The butcher backed into his meat grinder. He got a little behind in his work.

Platapus · 12-10-11, 04:23 PM

What's the difference between an ambassador and a dog in the summer?

An ambassador wears full dress, a dog in the summer, just pants.

Jimbuna · 12-10-11, 04:38 PM

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

Platapus · 12-10-11, 04:45 PM

Man walks into a Greek tailor shop. Tailor looks at the visitor's pants and says "Euripides?"

Man replies, "Yes, Eumenides?"

<Gryllidae stridulation>

Platapus · 12-10-11, 04:47 PM

I remember having to help a friend trim the fur off his little canine companion. It was a moment of shear terrier.

Jimbuna · 12-10-11, 05:59 PM

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

Jimbuna · 12-10-11, 05:59 PM

I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.

vienna · 12-10-11, 06:06 PM

You can't be a nun; you gotta be somethin'...

Tip of the hat to Curly:

Well, she was bred in old Kentuck, but she's just a crumb back here...

Jimbuna · 12-10-11, 06:14 PM

I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.

Kaye T. Bai · 12-17-11, 02:52 AM

I was reading a book on the Falklands War the other day. What an argy-bargy!

Jimbuna · 12-17-11, 07:40 AM

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

antikristuseke · 12-17-11, 07:54 AM

Two men walk into a bar, they need stitches now.

TarJak · 12-17-11, 08:21 AM

I trained as an executioner, but I just coudn't get the hang of it.

12-10-11, 11:37 AM	#16
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,444 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Did you hear about the two ladies who went for a tramp in the woods? He got away. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-11, 01:57 PM	#17
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,484 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-10-11, 04:17 PM	#18
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,305 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	The butcher backed into his meat grinder. He got a little behind in his work. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

12-10-11, 04:23 PM	#19
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,444 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What's the difference between an ambassador and a dog in the summer? An ambassador wears full dress, a dog in the summer, just pants. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-11, 04:38 PM	#20
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,484 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-10-11, 04:45 PM	#21
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,444 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Man walks into a Greek tailor shop. Tailor looks at the visitor's pants and says "Euripides?" Man replies, "Yes, Eumenides?" <Gryllidae stridulation> __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-11, 04:47 PM	#22
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,444 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I remember having to help a friend trim the fur off his little canine companion. It was a moment of shear terrier. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-10-11, 05:59 PM	#23
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,484 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-10-11, 06:06 PM	#25
vienna Navy Seal Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Anywhere but the here & now... Posts: 7,732 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	You can't be a nun; you gotta be somethin'... Tip of the hat to Curly: Well, she was bred in old Kentuck, but she's just a crumb back here...

12-10-11, 06:14 PM	#26
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,484 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-17-11, 02:52 AM	#27
Kaye T. Bai Samurai Navy Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Western Hemisphere, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, Local Group, Virgo Supercluster Posts: 585 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	I was reading a book on the Falklands War the other day. What an argy-bargy!

12-17-11, 07:40 AM	#28
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,484 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-17-11, 07:54 AM	#29
antikristuseke Silent Hunter Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Estland Posts: 4,330 Downloads: 3 Uploads: 0	Two men walk into a bar, they need stitches now.

12-17-11, 08:21 AM	#30
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	I trained as an executioner, but I just coudn't get the hang of it.