When "Anti Bullying Laws" Go Too Far...

You guys can keep arguing. I've been in your situation once before, but I fought out of it and there weren't any laws against defending oneself.

Probably most people have been in situations where they have been in a fight.
The whole point is that there are not the laws he set out, in the US the right to self defence has been done and dusted all through the supreme court so it is of no matter what town city county or state you live in.
The only details differing on what you are or not allowed to do are in regards to levels of force, particularly deadly force, and the run away bits which some states don't have when it comes to deadly force.
The only other issues with the OP would be the actual details of the incident and of course his unfortunate habit of simply making things up.