Forgive me, but here is another dumb question.

[Paul Riley]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

What you need is here:

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/down...o=file&id=1421

GWX3.0 SH3 Cmdr3.2 config files v1.2 installer (376.9 KB)

It's the self-installer for the necessary files. If that's what you have already, you're good.



DUDE WHERE YOU BEEN?

Hi again FK,well,we have been busy caring for my father who has Alzheimers,we had issues with the care home he is in,but thankfully its sorted now,still tough though,doesnt recognize any of us poor thing.
See you soon

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Paul Riley

Hi again FK,well,we have been busy caring for my father who has Alzheimers,we had issues with the care home he is in,but thankfully its sorted now,still tough though sometimes.
See you soon

Sorry to hear that. My mother was diagnosed with dementia over the Christmas holidays. Never easy to deal with, altho her physical condition made that the least worrisome issue. She was in a nursing facility briefly but was able to go home under hospice care until she passed last month, we were just glad she was able to stay some place she recognized as that seemed to help a great deal.

[flag4]

glad to see you back PR. sorry to hear about your Dad. my Mothers husband has Dementia. it seems to be very draining to care for someone who is like this.

Sail On!

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Sandman_28054

Sorry, but I have tried for two days to d/l this and I can't.

Is there another place tp d/l it?

Most strange because I've just downloaded it from the link and it worked fine for me

[Jimbuna]

Hi Paul, good to see you back...best of luck in your caring role mate, my mom was diagnosed a little over a year ago.

Stay positive because there are small sparks of memory in there which they're sadly unable to inform us of.

[Fish In The Water]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

She was in a nursing facility briefly but was able to go home under hospice care until she passed last month, we were just glad she was able to stay some place she recognized as that seemed to help a great deal.

Very sorry for your loss.

Great that she was able to have hospice care instead of being cooped up in a facility. I trust you have a lot of great memories to last a lifetime.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Fish In The Water

Very sorry for your loss.

Great that she was able to have hospice care instead of being cooped up in a facility. I trust you have a lot of great memories to last a lifetime.

Thanks.

Unfortunately she was not an easy person to deal with even in the best of times... the word "toxic" comes to mind... so the good memories are few and far between. She'd driven away all of us kids to some extent and most of her one-time close friends in the last dozen years or so. My sister and I did get a kind of reconciliation near the end, which I'm sure made things easier for her and will make it easier for us in the future.

[Paul Riley]

Thanks guys

FK,I saw your post about your mom dying,real sorry to hear about that love <--- dont worry,we call everyone 'love' (even men funnily enough!) here in Yorkshire hehe,sincere best wishes in the meantime.

Great to see you again too Jim my old sea salt!

See you all very soon for a new campaign

Sink em all,the filthy hunds!

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Sandman_28054

Told you I was a dumbass!

Well that puts you in good company here! To my mind there are two kinds of people in the world - people who realize they're idiots and people who don't. Those who admit it are good company. Those who don't are merely annoying.

[Fish In The Water]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

My sister and I did get a kind of reconciliation near the end, which I'm sure made things easier for her and will make it easier for us in the future.

'Tis always good to hear of reconciliation, especially in relationships that have been strained long term.

I know in my life I struggled for years with flaws and toxicity until I finally started to come to terms with the underlying pain and issues that were causing much of it in the first place.

It took a very long time mind you, (probably due to my own stubbornness), but I've finally come full circle and accepted the flaws as a beautiful reminder of that which instills unique and defining character.

It was a hard process, but now that I'm a ways down the road, I'm very happy to be here. Anyway, all the best to you and your sister. I hope with the passing of time the few select good memories will outshine the rest.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Fish In The Water

'Tis always good to hear of reconciliation, especially in relationships that have been strained long term.

I know in my life I struggled for years with flaws and toxicity until I finally started to come to terms with the underlying pain and issues that were causing much of it in the first place.

It took a very long time mind you, (probably due to my own stubbornness), but I've finally come full circle and accepted the flaws as a beautiful reminder of that which instills unique and defining character.

It was a hard process, but now that I'm a ways down the road, I'm very happy to be here. Anyway, all the best to you and your sister. I hope with the passing of time the few select good memories will outshine the rest.

One can only hope - if nothing else my upbringing has made me who I am, and since I am pretty much at peace with how I've turned out so far, it's hard to look back and say "that never should've happened!"

It does not mitigate the responsibility of those who made it happen or allowed it to happen, or make it possible in all cases to maintain an ongoing relationship with those people as long as they persist in the behavior, but... as I get older I think I begin to understand why my mother was the way she was, and it derives from a very unhappy and I would say abusive upbringing and one that was probably far more so than my own since I had at least one parent who despite his own issues served to counteract most of what she dished out.

In short, I was given enough of a sense of self and self-worth early on not to crumble completely under the same type of treatment from her that she had received as a child. I do not think she got that, rather just the opposite, which is terribly sad and her whole life was an attempt to compensate for it at the expense of others without ever really understanding why this behavior drove so many people away. A person doesn't get to be the way she was without a devastating and ongoing trauma to the core of their being starting at a very early age and that is enough of a reason to be compassionate instead of bitter, given the choice.

I feel like when it comes down to the battle of wills between myself and my mother over who would control me and my life and who I am at the most basic level - I finally won years ago. And the only thing worse than a sore loser IMO is an ungracious winner.

[Fish In The Water]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

One can only hope - if nothing else my upbringing has made me who I am, and since I am pretty much at peace with how I've turned out so far, it's hard to look back and say "that never should've happened!"

Exactly, even the dark clouds of traumatic experience contain silver linings in that we are given the opportunity to grow, learn and emphasize with others who struggle through similar circumstances. It all contributes to making us stronger (hopefully wiser) and serves as another rod in the crucible of who we become.

It does not mitigate the responsibility of those who made it happen or allowed it to happen, or make it possible in all cases to maintain an ongoing relationship with those people as long as they persist in the behavior, but...

Agreed...

...as I get older I think I begin to understand why my mother was the way she was, and it derives from a very unhappy and I would say abusive upbringing and one that was probably far more so than my own...

I don't know about you but I find this knowledge to be very liberating as it helps me apply a modicum of sanity to an otherwise insane situation.

...since I had at least one parent who despite his own issues served to counteract most of what she dished out.

Wonderful to have a counter balance.

In short, I was given enough of a sense of self and self-worth early on not to crumble completely under the same type of treatment from her that she had received as a child.

Without trying to assign blame, I've always considered it a true shame when people who have been abused are unable (for whatever reason) to break the cycle by resolving not to apply the same behavior to their children.

As you said, we all have issues but it seems incredibly sad when we are unable to rise above the trauma so as to avoid having it dictate our entire lives. As crushing as they can be, painful experiences can also be wonderful opportunities for personal growth. Provided we get help and work at 're-framing' the experience to strip it of much of its toxic hold.

I do not think she got that, rather just the opposite, which is terribly sad and her whole life was an attempt to compensate for it at the expense of others without ever really understanding why this behavior drove so many people away.

Incredibly sad though it is, it can still serve to create a greater good by teaching her children the pitfalls of unresolved or untreated trauma. If it makes your lives better by being aware (first hand) of the painful consequences then the suffering has not been in vain.

A person doesn't get to be the way she was without a devastating and ongoing trauma to the core of their being starting at a very early age and that is enough of a reason to be compassionate instead of bitter, given the choice.

Again wonderful that you can choose compassion as the response of choice in this situation.

I feel like when it comes down to the battle of wills between myself and my mother over who would control me and my life and who I am at the most basic level - I finally won years ago. And the only thing worse than a sore loser IMO is an ungracious winner.

Congratulations on becoming your own person and being comfortable in your own skin. None of us can control much of what happens to us in life, but we can control how we react to it. This is where true victory lies.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Fish In The Water

As you said, we all have issues but it seems incredibly sad when we are unable to rise above the trauma so as to avoid having it dictate our entire lives.

Oh, absolutely.

I've said it before but if you google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" you'll have the best possible overview of what we dealt with all those years. I was tipped off by the psychotherapist who ran a dream study group I used to go to... something about a lot of the stuff that came up with me and another person there clued him in that we might both be dealing with an NPD individual. He recommended some reading material and it was nothing less than a revelation. It validated all the stuff we'd gone through and been constantly told (by her) was nothing but stuff we were imagining or making up deliberately to disparage her. And it made me understand exactly what has to be done to a person to make them that way and how devastating an experience that is.

The truly tragic thing about NPD is that it involves an enormous amount of denial - denial that anything one does or says is inappropriate or unethical or insensitive, denial of the actual things one has done and said, and - the worst part - denial of the original trauma itself and the possibility that those who perpetrated it might have been in the wrong to do so. People like my mother rarely get help because they are unable to admit they need it... it's everyone else that has a problem, not them. They persist in that belief to the point where everyone else gives up and walks away in self-defense.

[Fish In The Water]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

I've said it before but if you google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" you'll have the best possible overview of what we dealt with all those years.

I'd be interested to look into this. Personality disorders come in a lot of different varieties but from what I've seen they do share certain fundamental commonalities.

He recommended some reading material and it was nothing less than a revelation.

Really glad you got help to understand the underlying issues. There's few things worse than struggling in the dark.

The truly tragic thing about NPD is that it involves an enormous amount of denial - denial that anything one does or says is inappropriate or unethical or insensitive, denial of the actual things one has done and said, and - the worst part - denial of the original trauma itself and the possibility that those who perpetrated it might have been in the wrong to do so. People like my mother rarely get help because they are unable to admit they need it... it's everyone else that has a problem, not them.

Sounds like a real road block to recovery. From what I've seen it's nigh impossible to recover until someone first realizes they need help. It's as if we have to hit bottom and/or come to an end of self-reliance before we're able to start the climb back toward a healthy life.

Denial is one of our greatest enemies. It holds us captive and largely powerless to deal with that which we refuse to believe is real. Acceptance, painful as it may be, is the first step toward rebuilding a better reality.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Fish In The Water

I'd be interested to look into this. Personality disorders come in a lot of different varieties but from what I've seen they do share certain fundamental commonalities.

This was the most interesting thing I found for laypeople online when I was looking for information in the past:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

This is also interesting

http://narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.org/

and it's the first time I've seen the term "Malignant Narcissism" in reference to "a type of personality that is overly concerned with it's own point of view, and reality." Interesting, that was one of mom's chief issues - she really did live in her own little world, one that revolved primarily around her, at least when it came to the people close to her. Everything we did, in her mind, was done either to please her or spite her. The idea that she might not have figured into our motivations at all never seemed to occur to her. It was just inconceivable that we actually wanted or needed or felt anything that didn't coincide with what she required us to want, need, and feel.