Pepe Manuel El Magnificent: A Tropico AAR (with lots of shiny pictures)

Hottentot · 12-01-10, 08:06 AM

PART 4: MONKEYS (AND THEIR ALLIES) STRIKE BACK

My next term starts with fundies complaining. Sheesh, this "anti-religion" rhetoric again. I already gave you a playground! Aren't you supposed to support ascetism and silence or something?!

And then the World Bank threatens that I can't pay my workers enough anymore, because I'm broke. Garbage. First of all, just because Tropico's balance is currently $-10,000 isn't a reason to say that I can't handle our economy. Second: if I paid that kind of sums to any of my workers, I would actually be broke. Pfft, what a waste of my precious drinking time.

However, it occurs to me that my idiot workers still can't do what I tell them in time. They complain that they have to eat, sleep. Nonsense, but they are stubborn. As the economy keeps getting into worse and worse shape, I understand that my Swiss bank account isn't growing either.

Situations like this call for dramatic moves. We may be forced to rely on the last straw. We may need to...

...Sigh. Sell some of our booze.

Why am I not happy?

Apparently, as the World Bank leaves me around, the monkeys strike again. They have created some evil weapon of mass destruction with which they intend to terrorize the free citizens of Tropico. Where is James Bond when you need him?!

We take cover as Monkeystan's secret weapon strikes.

Finally their machine runs out of batteries. Time to see what malicious damage their evil doomsday weapon did to us.

MY PUBS! MY STATUES!

MY SUGAR FARMS!!

MY ANTIMONKEYFORTIFICATIONS!!!

MY ELECTRICITYTHINGYPLACE!!!!

Have they...have they...

...Whew. Life continues as per usual. The nice International Community also donated me $20,000 to repair the island. I can't be bothered to count how much booze that buys, but it should be enough to keep me stocked for at least the next five days. Happy times!!

Oh, right, the people suffered too, I guess. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have given some of them guns.

Fortunately I am also an international action hero. Armed only with my trusty butter knife and great looks, I made them ashamed of their own lack of masculinity and they just went back home. Huzaa! Señoritas and booze for me!

Of course, duty calls first. I order three farms to get our economy back running again.

It didn't work as well as I expected, however.

12-01-10, 08:06 AM	#9
Hottentot Sea Lord Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: My private socialist utopia of Finland Posts: 1,918 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	PART 4: MONKEYS (AND THEIR ALLIES) STRIKE BACK My next term starts with fundies complaining. Sheesh, this "anti-religion" rhetoric again. I already gave you a playground! Aren't you supposed to support ascetism and silence or something?! And then the World Bank threatens that I can't pay my workers enough anymore, because I'm broke. Garbage. First of all, just because Tropico's balance is currently $-10,000 isn't a reason to say that I can't handle our economy. Second: if I paid that kind of sums to any of my workers, I would actually be broke. Pfft, what a waste of my precious drinking time. However, it occurs to me that my idiot workers still can't do what I tell them in time. They complain that they have to eat, sleep. Nonsense, but they are stubborn. As the economy keeps getting into worse and worse shape, I understand that my Swiss bank account isn't growing either. Situations like this call for dramatic moves. We may be forced to rely on the last straw. We may need to... ...Sigh. Sell some of our booze. Why am I not happy? Apparently, as the World Bank leaves me around, the monkeys strike again. They have created some evil weapon of mass destruction with which they intend to terrorize the free citizens of Tropico. Where is James Bond when you need him?! We take cover as Monkeystan's secret weapon strikes. Finally their machine runs out of batteries. Time to see what malicious damage their evil doomsday weapon did to us. MY PUBS! MY STATUES! MY SUGAR FARMS!! MY ANTIMONKEYFORTIFICATIONS!!! MY ELECTRICITYTHINGYPLACE!!!! Have they...have they... ...Whew. Life continues as per usual. The nice International Community also donated me $20,000 to repair the island. I can't be bothered to count how much booze that buys, but it should be enough to keep me stocked for at least the next five days. Happy times!! Oh, right, the people suffered too, I guess. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have given some of them guns. Fortunately I am also an international action hero. Armed only with my trusty butter knife and great looks, I made them ashamed of their own lack of masculinity and they just went back home. Huzaa! Señoritas and booze for me! Of course, duty calls first. I order three farms to get our economy back running again. It didn't work as well as I expected, however. __________________ Хотели как лучше, а получилось как всегда.