Fritz von Titz plays SHV

Freiwillige · 03-21-10, 03:36 AM

"So the new training tool for our glorious Kreigsmarine is ready?" Fritz sternly asked the programmer who was nervously twitching with some last second mouse clicks to bring the newest Simulation to life. "In SHIII there were no tea cozy's nor white tuxedo's to represent the Great Balz und myself, But Bernard was everywhere! Will this new training tool Have tea cozy's?" "Umm maybe, I think...uhhh I have to call and find out if its in the next patch sir?" was all the poor intimidated man could manage to reply.

As the screen lit up with the scenes of U-boats in all the wonderful detail the CPU could muster fritz grasped his smoldering pipe out of his mouth. "That is quite impressive, Will there be chorus girls?" The programmer glanced up at the amazingly handsom and famous Fritz. "Umm chorus girls her Kaleun?"
Fritz's patience was wearing thin at this point. "Yes the Chorus Girls you swein! How does one expect me to teach my tactics if there are no chorus girls on board the boats so I can demonstrate how I sing to the British!"

The programmer was visibly confused. "But sir this is a U-boat simulator."
"Of course it is my friend. But I have sunk over a hundred billion tons of shipping without firing a shot by singing my Greatest hits to the Tommy's.
Once I am done singing my album (U-boat musik to make love to) the Tommy's always sink there own vessels in my honor. Of course all is not cruel on the high seas I always fill their life rafts with signed copy's of my album and autograph pictures! After all I am a Kaleun not a barbarian!"

As Fritz played the simulator the game suddenly froze and said (Lost connection to UbiPlay) "What is this connection it speaks of, Does it report directly to the Kreigsmarine? To Admiral Doenitz himself?" "No great Kaleun, It connects to an Ubisoft server to make sure that the Game is not stolen."

"Yes this seems a good idea as the Tommys are always stealing our secrets! as this defense seems good enough to stop us from training than it should stop the tommys from stealing our training and knowing how we train!" The programmer looking even more confused just cocked his head and looked up at Fritz. "Yes its brilliant, If we aren't training then the Tommys cant create counter measures against that for what we never trained for!"

The Programmer just shrugged off Fritz's assault on common sense and went on to explain the Manual. Fritz's eyebrow cocked "So the manual doesn't teach you how to play the Sim? Great now if Tommy steals the manual he cannot figure out how to use our Sim what cannot be played so that he could create counter tactiks against that for what we cannot train for!"

The programmer just bashed his head into the keyboard in resignation.

Fritz puffed on his pipe one last time and reached down into his bag. "Here is an autographed photo for your wall, I will inform Berlin that this incomplete Sim is complete so that we can quickly not begin our training for which the tommy cannot begin to learn from the manual about the Sim that cannot be played against us."

At this point Fritz began to confuse himself. Surely if he could not make sense of it then the Allies would be twice as lost.

"Her Kaleun the Sim is working again would you like to try walking through your boat and talking to your crew?"

"Sorry but if they aren't the scantily clad Chorus girls I am used too than there is no allure for me. Make that priority for your next patch!"

"But her Kaleun don't you want to start the training for that which you can only hardly hope to finish?" The programmer questioned.

"No you bird brain, I have SHIII for that!"

"And get that Tea cozy modeled in 3D or Balz will have a fit!"

03-21-10, 05:33 AM

As usual . . . good read.
A new boat is in preparation for The Great Balz.

I have a problem to discuss with him.
I tryed dancing The Hoochie Woochie with a cute little merchant . . .,
but she insisted on dancing The Wiggle Waggle.
The audacity of her!

KL-alfman · 03-21-10, 06:06 AM

funny and (sadly) true in a way!

Freiwillige · 03-21-10, 08:25 PM

Shameless bump for my comedic genius.

Tynan · 03-21-10, 09:25 PM

Having never played any of the other SH series, I can only assume that SH5 leaves something to be desired...LOL great read

Exakt · 03-21-10, 09:46 PM

Good read... I almost got confused myself...

IanC · 03-21-10, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tynan

Having never played any of the other SH series, I can only assume that SH5 leaves something to be desired...LOL great read

Dude you must play Silent Hunter 1, arguably the best of the bunch. PM me if you need any help setting it up in DOSbox

03-21-10, 03:36 AM	#1
Freiwillige The Old Man Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Phx. Az Posts: 1,458 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Fritz von Titz plays SHV "So the new training tool for our glorious Kreigsmarine is ready?" Fritz sternly asked the programmer who was nervously twitching with some last second mouse clicks to bring the newest Simulation to life. "In SHIII there were no tea cozy's nor white tuxedo's to represent the Great Balz und myself, But Bernard was everywhere! Will this new training tool Have tea cozy's?" "Umm maybe, I think...uhhh I have to call and find out if its in the next patch sir?" was all the poor intimidated man could manage to reply. As the screen lit up with the scenes of U-boats in all the wonderful detail the CPU could muster fritz grasped his smoldering pipe out of his mouth. "That is quite impressive, Will there be chorus girls?" The programmer glanced up at the amazingly handsom and famous Fritz. "Umm chorus girls her Kaleun?" Fritz's patience was wearing thin at this point. "Yes the Chorus Girls you swein! How does one expect me to teach my tactics if there are no chorus girls on board the boats so I can demonstrate how I sing to the British!" The programmer was visibly confused. "But sir this is a U-boat simulator." "Of course it is my friend. But I have sunk over a hundred billion tons of shipping without firing a shot by singing my Greatest hits to the Tommy's. Once I am done singing my album (U-boat musik to make love to) the Tommy's always sink there own vessels in my honor. Of course all is not cruel on the high seas I always fill their life rafts with signed copy's of my album and autograph pictures! After all I am a Kaleun not a barbarian!" As Fritz played the simulator the game suddenly froze and said (Lost connection to UbiPlay) "What is this connection it speaks of, Does it report directly to the Kreigsmarine? To Admiral Doenitz himself?" "No great Kaleun, It connects to an Ubisoft server to make sure that the Game is not stolen." "Yes this seems a good idea as the Tommys are always stealing our secrets! as this defense seems good enough to stop us from training than it should stop the tommys from stealing our training and knowing how we train!" The programmer looking even more confused just cocked his head and looked up at Fritz. "Yes its brilliant, If we aren't training then the Tommys cant create counter measures against that for what we never trained for!" The Programmer just shrugged off Fritz's assault on common sense and went on to explain the Manual. Fritz's eyebrow cocked "So the manual doesn't teach you how to play the Sim? Great now if Tommy steals the manual he cannot figure out how to use our Sim what cannot be played so that he could create counter tactiks against that for what we cannot train for!" The programmer just bashed his head into the keyboard in resignation. Fritz puffed on his pipe one last time and reached down into his bag. "Here is an autographed photo for your wall, I will inform Berlin that this incomplete Sim is complete so that we can quickly not begin our training for which the tommy cannot begin to learn from the manual about the Sim that cannot be played against us." At this point Fritz began to confuse himself. Surely if he could not make sense of it then the Allies would be twice as lost. "Her Kaleun the Sim is working again would you like to try walking through your boat and talking to your crew?" "Sorry but if they aren't the scantily clad Chorus girls I am used too than there is no allure for me. Make that priority for your next patch!" "But her Kaleun don't you want to start the training for that which you can only hardly hope to finish?" The programmer questioned. "No you bird brain, I have SHIII for that!" "And get that Tea cozy modeled in 3D or Balz will have a fit!" Last edited by Freiwillige; 03-21-10 at 10:15 AM.

03-21-10, 06:06 AM	#3
KL-alfman Grey Wolf Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Weimar Posts: 930 Downloads: 86 Uploads: 0	funny and (sadly) true in a way! __________________ Life, Liberty and Property!

03-21-10, 09:46 PM	#6
Exakt Helmsman Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Ville de Quebec (not the HMCS) Posts: 106 Downloads: 105 Uploads: 0	Good read... I almost got confused myself... __________________ U-46 Leutnant z. S. Jakob Bock U-47 ObLt z. S. Jaana Galland ObLt z. S. Ernst Wagner (BdU)

03-21-10, 05:33 AM	#2
Snestorm Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	As usual . . . good read. A new boat is in preparation for The Great Balz. I have a problem to discuss with him. I tryed dancing The Hoochie Woochie with a cute little merchant . . ., but she insisted on dancing The Wiggle Waggle. The audacity of her!

03-21-10, 08:25 PM	#4
Freiwillige The Old Man Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Phx. Az Posts: 1,458 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Shameless bump for my comedic genius.

03-21-10, 09:25 PM	#5
Tynan Watch Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 23 Downloads: 3 Uploads: 0	Having never played any of the other SH series, I can only assume that SH5 leaves something to be desired...LOL great read