Well that sucks!

[jumpy]

Ah, yes... the old 'Follow your heart... But don't forget to use your head' conundrum.
That last bit is really important; because when you feel that you know people, you really don't.

Sounds to me like you've got a lid on things, Freiwillige. Ignore the 'say one thing and then do another' stuff' as there's no sense in hanging about for an answer that you are never going to get from her. If she cannot answer you straight now, she never will.

At least there's a simple answer to your breaking up. You can't trust someone who lies or cheats on you. In the end you will be better off without her. Better to find out now and end it rather than doom yourself to years of difficult and emotional relationship turbulence and unhappiness.

I had my other half of nearly ten years leave me back in december. Left me a paper note telling me she needed space. Couldn't even tell me to my face. I'm not going to go into much more detail (it's most likely here on subsim somewhere anyway lol), but for this:
She has severe clinical depression (strong medication and a head shrinker to boot), always has done, which I accepted about the woman I love (still now, unfortunately) despite the pressure it caused on our relationship. I stuck with it for a long time. Until she reasoned in her instability that the best thing for herself was to leave.

Looking back on some of the things I lived with as 'normal' every day stuff with her, I am forced to examine closely, a question my mother put to me in the new year (yes, it has taken that long for me to digest) - 'Could you live with another ten or twenty years of the frequent breakdowns and irrational and unstable behaviour that has led you to where you are now, and be happy?' - As much as my heart would forgive all just for the chance to feel her warmth back next to me on her side of our bed and to see her smile at me, like there's no one else in the world, when she wakes up... I must say no.

You always seem to loose something of yourself that is so precious and important that there are no real words to describe it. Breakups are funny like that; I slept on my sofa for 2 months because I wasn't comfortable in sleeping in what I still considered to be 'our' bed hahah.

You'll do some weird ****, but that's ok. Get out with your mates, eat good food every day, maybe a spot of exercise (I do a lot of hiking and a little weight training a few times a week). It's all good stuff. I'd also not recommend letting your sleeping get all messed up... spending all night brooding over things is not healthy on so many levels - that's something I still struggle a with from time to time.
You just have to refocus your attention on the good things in life and to follow your head and not your heart for the time being. There's no panacea for how you feel, or for how I feel, or for any of us in times like these. But the sun still rises each morning and it's a beautiful world containing many beautiful people - you're here to see it every day, gratis.