Clank, Clank (Balz)

[Brag]

Lt. Hegeman writes:

19 January 1941

Fog, heavy seas, rain. We are blind in the daytime skirting this huge convoy, expecting to collide with a destroyer any minute.

At night we submerge. For a couple of hours it seems peaceful but Soundman is reading off bearings. The blasted convoy is heading our way and Balz, even though blind will attack again. We only sink one ship per engagement. Balz doesn't even bother with the periscope.

"They should have scattered or crashed into each other," I say. "How can they maintain position in this weather?"

Balz wipes his face with his tea cozy. "In Department GWX of the British Admiraly, there is this genius working there. He is in charge of convoys. Bigboywooly." Balz sighs and slaps the tea cozy against the chart table. He keeps the damn things organized."

"Your selected target, bearing 045."
Balz draws a line on the chart. "If it's moving at five knots, it will pass eight hundred meters from us. Where are the warships?"

Everyone shrugs. With Balz's method of blind shooting you can track only one ship.
Being deaf and blind in a U boat is bad for the nerves. Bernard starts doing his pole-dance routine.

"Bearing 007"
Feuer!"
I let go a salvo of two torpedoes.
"Report nearest warship"
"Warship bearing 096, approaching fast, short distance."
Bernard says, "We're gonna die."
"Crash dive!"
Two explosions rumble in the water. We've got two hits. A ship is sinking.
We can hear the screws of the approaching destroyer.
Balz places his tea cozy on his head. "Hoochie woochie," He sings and twirls.
"Wasserbomben," Bernard says.
"Too soon, you idiot." Balz barks and shakes his head.
The destroyer rumbles overhead, about to scratch our paint.
"Hoochie woochie, boom-boom."
"Wasserbomben."
A chain of explosions resonate above us. The noise of screws stops.
Bits of wreckage clank on our deck.
Our boot continues it's dive, we do a wiggle waggle and go silent.
Balz says, "Now, we'll go to Tanker Alley and wait for good weather. After all, the greatest and most masterful Kaleun on earth needs to bring home the big tonnage."