The Space Hamzters (irreverent satire)

[Brag]

The Space Hamzters
By Alexey Braguine

Introduction

The sensors on planet Z sensed a disturbance and the Space Hamzters were sent to investigate what was going on in the backwaters of the galaxy, namely planet Terra. They land on 27 March 2003.

Space Hamzters Tour Nasaria

"Fasten harnesses," Chief Space Hamzter said.
"Don't crowd, this is a space ship," Grouch Hamzter complained.
Pilot Space Hamzter, activated the retrograbber system. The ship did an automatic flip and slowed as it hurtled through the sandstorm.
Bang, crash, swoosh. The spaceship came to a halt.
"You idiot," Chief Hamzter said. "This isn't Washington."
"No difference," Pilot Hamzter said. "Lots of Americans here."
Explorer Hamzter opened the hatch and jumped out into the blowing sand and approached a man in a beret, smoking a cigar. "Hello man, I'm a Space Hamzter from planet Z."
"Salaam aleikum, I'm Sadam."
Explorer Hamzter lifted a leg to let an RPG whoosh past. "We're looking for Americans."
"You came to the right place, little friend. They are all emigrating this way." Sadam pointed at a long column of tanks. "They brought their gas guzzlers over here, closer to where the oil is."
"Wow, that's clever. What sort of mileage those SUV's get?"
"Five gallons per mile on a good day."
Clunk. A bullet bounced off Explorer Hamzter's space helmet. "It must be rush hour."
Sadam ducked as a Tomahawk missile screeched past. "They all want to visit my nice palaces."
Explorer Hamzter turned toward the space ship. "Hey Hamzters, come out, this is more fun than chasing Rummy around the Bush in the Rose Garden and causing a Chenney reaction."