Schwooggie (Balz)

[Brag]

Jul 1941

"Schwooggie."
Balz turned in his bed. "Huh?"
No one answered his question. Balz yawned realizing it was his own voice that woke him. Schwooggie. What in the hell was that? He looked at his watch. Time to get up. Work at the Chateau des Sardines started early. Most U-boats sent in their reports early in the morning before diving. By 0700 the reports were stale info. The duty officer would catch the important stuff, Yet ...

Balz washed his face, shaved. He then put his tea cozy in his briefcase and went out of the officer's barracks.

In the gray of dawn he recognized the admiral taking his morning walk. Balz saluted and said, "Schwooggie."
"What?" The admiral barked.
"Ah, um, ah, gutten Morgen, Herr Admiral." Balz hurried to his office where he could wear his tea cozy and think calmly.

A pile of reports waited at his desk. Balz sat down, took the tea cozy out of his briefcase and said "Schwooggie." Why did he keep saying Schwooggie? He had never said it before. But, the word had a certain ring to it. The warm tea cozy on his head made him feel better, more secure. He could warm up important messages by putting them on his head and putting on the tea cozy on top. "Schwooggie."
Why do I keep saying schwooggie? no one says Schwooggie. Balz smiled, "No, no one. No one has ever said schwooggie. Not Shakespiere, nor Goethe, or Shiller, Bismark, Franz Joseph, Kant, Napoleon, not even Tutankamon. None of them, no one in all of human history has ever said schwooggie. Balz stood to congratulate himself for being the first creature on earth to utter this magnificent word.

The Admiral walked into Balz's office. "What's hot this morning?" the admiral stared at the tea cozy. "And, remove that ridiculous thing from your head."
" I use it to warm up reports, Herr Admiral."
Turning red, the admiral said."Re mo-ve that ttthingg fr om you re hhhh ead."
Bals removed the tea cozy and placed inside his tea cozies drawer. "Did you ever say schwooggie, Herr Admiral?"
"Schwoogie? No, never."
"You just said it."
"Said what?"
"Schwooggie."
"I didn´t say Schwoogie."
"There, you've said it again,"
Doenitz banged his fist on the desk. "Balz, you schwoog yourself to the docks. U-110 needs a new captain.".
Balz ran out of the Chateau, yelling, "It´s a verb. I invented a verb."