One Torpedo Two Ships (Balz)

Brag · 06-28-08, 12:15 PM

Lt. Kalb writes:

27 February 1940.
Our 13th. day of patrol. We sat in the heaving officers' mess eating breakfast just before dawn.
"Two ships spotted!" Bernard shouted from the bridge.
I placed my coffee cup down
"One ship is larger than the other one. The other one is smaller than the other one I mentioned. The ships are different sizes."

"Different sizes? That's very perspicatious of our dear Bernard." Balz put his tea cozy with Mickey Mouse ears on and I followed him topside.

Bernard pointed twenty degrees to starboard. "The smaller ship is in front of the bigger ship, which is larger than the smaller ship and is behind the smaller ship, which is up front."

"Shut the hatch of your verbosity," Balz said while inspecting the vessels through his glasses. "We will use the great Balz cunning to send that whale factory ship to the bottom of this cruelly tumoultous sea."

"And what are we going to do about the smaller ship which is up front of the larger ship which is behind the smaller ship?" Bernard asked.

Balz ordered a course change and full speed ahead. 45 minutes later we submerged and were moving into firing position.

"Flood tube one," Balz ordered.
"Just one tube?" Bernard asked.
"One, number one. Does that sound like anything else besides one?"
"But we have two ships," Bernard protested. There is a little ship in front of the large ship which is--"
"Shut your verbosorium," Balz snapped. "We have 30 degree AOB, all engines stop."

"Muster the choir so they can sing hailing my greatness as I dispatch this soon to be once great ship--Feur einz!"

The choir hummed and prepared two twirl at the moment of impact.

"If you fire one torpedo with two ships then that will not be your stated tactic of one ship one torpedo, it will be two ships one torpedo tactic."

"Einz . . . Zwei . . . Hochie-woochie."

"Torpedo treffer!"

"Did you hit the larger ship behind the smaller ship which up front of the larger ship which bigger than the smaller ship?"

"Bernaaaard. Go to the torpedo room and count turpedoes untill lunch time."

"Jawhol Herr Kaleun Launch torpedoes!"

Bernaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard."

papa_smurf · 06-28-08, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Balz put his tea cozy with Mickey Mouse ears

Oh dear, things can only get worse................

NealT · 06-29-08, 07:37 AM

What will be worse will be if he sinks BOTH ships with the one torpedo. Then, we will never hear the end of it...

Brag · 06-29-08, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NealT

What will be worse will be if he sinks BOTH ships with the one torpedo. Then, we will never hear the end of it...

Balz is thinking how to pull that one off

NealT · 06-30-08, 10:04 AM

A nuclear torpedo perhaps?

papa_smurf · 06-30-08, 12:58 PM

Quote:

What will be worse will be if he sinks BOTH ships with the one torpedo. Then, we will never hear the end of it...

If he does pull it off, we'll be hearing about this for months to come..............

Brag · 07-02-08, 09:08 AM

The envisioned method is ultra secret. Waiting for opportunity to arrive. The only hint--Have done it in SHII

rifleman13 · 07-02-08, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

The envisioned method is ultra secret. Waiting for opportunity to arrive. The only hint--Have done it in SHII

Done it in Silent Hunter 2? As in the one before SHIII?:hmm:

Brag · 07-02-08, 07:55 PM

Yup, still in the stone age of subsims

Sensekhmet · 07-03-08, 11:07 AM

No, no, rifleman13 surely meant the previous SH wich was before the current SH, which is newer than the one before it, that being the older one.

U-108's verbosity hatch closing, Oberleutnant zur See Heinrich Reiz's fingers in the way and all.

Sailor Steve · 07-03-08, 11:08 AM

:rotfl:

Very good! You're sure your name isn't Bernard?

Sensekhmet · 07-03-08, 01:18 PM

Nein! My name is Heinrich Reitz and I've just cried like a nurse on u-boot departure (or return...?): it's March 1943 and I've just stumbled onto a Canadian Schooner! Friends, belive me, there is nothing like a sailing ship (and a u-boot)! My tears of joy and waves made me use the zweiling instead of the slow firing 37mm. Too bad the BDu does not allow to tow such a nice thing to base, it would be wonderful to have it on that small lake near my mountain cabin, sinking it, winching it out, patching it up, sinking it again and again and again! *sob*

BTW, Polish submarine ORP Wilk (Wolf), IIRC, once found a British barrage baloon out on the sea, tied it to the bow and continued to base. The story goes, a tug signalled them 'Since when submarines feel the urge to fly?'

msalama · 07-03-08, 03:31 PM

Argh

LOL

Sailor Steve · 07-03-08, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sensekhmet

Too bad the BDu does not allow to tow such a nice thing to base, it would be wonderful to have it on that small lake near my mountain cabin, sinking it, winching it out, patching it up, sinking it again and again and again! *sob*

Did you ever think of maybe just...sailing it?
:rotfl:

Brag · 07-04-08, 10:33 AM

Schooners are fun to sail. The mainmast is behind the foremast, which is infront of the mainmast and is shorter than the mainmast that is that is taller than the foremas in front of the main mast. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

06-28-08, 12:15 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	One Torpedo Two Ships (Balz) Lt. Kalb writes: 27 February 1940. Our 13th. day of patrol. We sat in the heaving officers' mess eating breakfast just before dawn. "Two ships spotted!" Bernard shouted from the bridge. I placed my coffee cup down "One ship is larger than the other one. The other one is smaller than the other one I mentioned. The ships are different sizes." "Different sizes? That's very perspicatious of our dear Bernard." Balz put his tea cozy with Mickey Mouse ears on and I followed him topside. Bernard pointed twenty degrees to starboard. "The smaller ship is in front of the bigger ship, which is larger than the smaller ship and is behind the smaller ship, which is up front." "Shut the hatch of your verbosity," Balz said while inspecting the vessels through his glasses. "We will use the great Balz cunning to send that whale factory ship to the bottom of this cruelly tumoultous sea." "And what are we going to do about the smaller ship which is up front of the larger ship which is behind the smaller ship?" Bernard asked. Balz ordered a course change and full speed ahead. 45 minutes later we submerged and were moving into firing position. "Flood tube one," Balz ordered. "Just one tube?" Bernard asked. "One, number one. Does that sound like anything else besides one?" "But we have two ships," Bernard protested. There is a little ship in front of the large ship which is--" "Shut your verbosorium," Balz snapped. "We have 30 degree AOB, all engines stop." "Muster the choir so they can sing hailing my greatness as I dispatch this soon to be once great ship--Feur einz!" The choir hummed and prepared two twirl at the moment of impact. "If you fire one torpedo with two ships then that will not be your stated tactic of one ship one torpedo, it will be two ships one torpedo tactic." "Einz . . . Zwei . . . Hochie-woochie." "Torpedo treffer!" "Did you hit the larger ship behind the smaller ship which up front of the larger ship which bigger than the smaller ship?" "Bernaaaard. Go to the torpedo room and count turpedoes untill lunch time." "Jawhol Herr Kaleun Launch torpedoes!" Bernaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard." __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-02-08, 09:08 AM	#7
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	The envisioned method is ultra secret. Waiting for opportunity to arrive. The only hint--Have done it in SHII __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-02-08, 07:55 PM	#9
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Yup, still in the stone age of subsims __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

07-03-08, 11:08 AM	#11
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	:rotfl: Very good! You're sure your name isn't Bernard? __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

07-04-08, 10:33 AM	#15
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Schooners are fun to sail. The mainmast is behind the foremast, which is infront of the mainmast and is shorter than the mainmast that is that is taller than the foremas in front of the main mast. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

06-29-08, 07:37 AM	#3
NealT Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: 2 Meters Below Jimbuna Posts: 1,060 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	What will be worse will be if he sinks BOTH ships with the one torpedo. Then, we will never hear the end of it...

06-30-08, 10:04 AM	#5
NealT Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: 2 Meters Below Jimbuna Posts: 1,060 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	A nuclear torpedo perhaps?

07-03-08, 11:07 AM	#10
Sensekhmet Loader Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Poland Posts: 89 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	No, no, rifleman13 surely meant the previous SH wich was before the current SH, which is newer than the one before it, that being the older one. U-108's verbosity hatch closing, Oberleutnant zur See Heinrich Reiz's fingers in the way and all.

07-03-08, 01:18 PM	#12
Sensekhmet Loader Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Poland Posts: 89 Downloads: 16 Uploads: 0	Nein! My name is Heinrich Reitz and I've just cried like a nurse on u-boot departure (or return...?): it's March 1943 and I've just stumbled onto a Canadian Schooner! Friends, belive me, there is nothing like a sailing ship (and a u-boot)! My tears of joy and waves made me use the zweiling instead of the slow firing 37mm. Too bad the BDu does not allow to tow such a nice thing to base, it would be wonderful to have it on that small lake near my mountain cabin, sinking it, winching it out, patching it up, sinking it again and again and again! sob BTW, Polish submarine ORP Wilk (Wolf), IIRC, once found a British barrage baloon out on the sea, tied it to the bow and continued to base. The story goes, a tug signalled them 'Since when submarines feel the urge to fly?'

07-03-08, 03:31 PM	#13
msalama Samurai Navy Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: In an octopus's garden Posts: 565 Downloads: 99 Uploads: 0	Argh LOL