Kingmaker book thread (merged 89 times)

[Brag]

Availability: Temporarily out of stock. Order now and we'll deliver when available. We'll e-mail you with an estimated delivery date as soon as we have more information. Your account will only be charged when we ship the item. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

Don't bang your head on the hatch as you rush to order your copy.

[Brag]

Availability: Temporarily out of stock. Order now and we'll deliver when available. We'll e-mail you with an estimated delivery date as soon as we have more information. Your account will only be charged when we ship the item. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

It won't be long 'til they have it in stock!
Don't bang your head as you rush to order your copy.

[STEED]

In the mean time, Brag saves the world and has a hot night with five women. Edited highlights will appear in Brags second book under the working title the saucy sue conspiracy.

[Brag]

Hehe, Steed. Sounds like a fun story to write

[Brag]

A week ago, Balz just wouldn't load and the game would CTD.
Finally, I gave up and started a new career (Klapp). Now Balz loads okay.

Lt. Kalb writes:

We just finished recharging batteries after attacking a heavily protected convoy and Balz was conducting choir practice before sending the crew to bed.
Funker interrupted, "Convoy heading east, 7 knots."
"What's with all these convoys. This is Tanker Alley not Convoy Promenade."
"The convoys have tankers," Bernard said. "So the Admiralty authorizes them to use Tanker Alley."
"Du bist eine dumme Affe," Balz growled. "We're not a tanker, and do you think I ask permission to use Tanker Alley? You must admire me because I sink Tankers without permission."

In the early afternoon, we sat at periscope depth and let the lead corvette sail past us and maneuvered to a course perpendicular to the convoy. Balz fired an aft tube at a large freighter and two forwad tubes at a tanker.

We did half a wiggle-waggle and dove to a hundred meters.

Balz said, "We only did half a wiggle-waggle because I am testing a secret weapon." He removed his tea cozy and showed us the lead foil lining his favorite head gear. "This is a thought director. You see part of the lining is open. This way,my thoughts are projected forward in the direction I turn my head. "See the genious of my mind?"
"No," Bernard answered.
"You wouldn't."
"Hoochie-woochie," Balz sang softly and twirled. "The skipper on that escort coming at us is trying to read my mind. So I twirl and mix him up."
"Wasserbomben."
"Bernaard, you sound pathetic. It's wasserbomben, boom-boom, with emphasis on the boom-boom."
The U boat shook from nearby explosions, and Balz did his mental hoochie woochie twirl.

We got credit of 21,000 tons on that attack. and are now chasing the convoy for another hoochie-woochie boom-boom.

Hoochy woochie, twirl -->

[Foghladh_mhara]

Is there any prospect of Balz earning a desk job anytime soon?

I honestly believe he deserves it

Please

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Foghladh_mhara

Is there any prospect of Balz earning a desk job anytime soon?

I honestly believe he deserves it

Please

I was going to give him a desk job. But the hero that he is, he fixed his own career. :p

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Foghladh_mhara

Is there any prospect of Balz earning a desk job anytime soon?

I honestly believe he deserves it

Please

J.S. Balz writes:

Kaleun Foghladh mhara's suggestion that I assume a staff position is very kind. But I'm not a natural office denizen like Brag, the great BDU ashtray cleaner. I, Johan Sebastian Balz, I am true Teutonic hero material. I am naturally brilliant (ask my mother), my competence as a U-boot commander is unequaled, not even paralleled. I am just the greatest Kaleun that has ever lived. For me to move over to a desk job would be to rob the Reich from the greatest challenge offered to the British Empire. I also have a refined artistic talent. Leading my submersible choir singing hoochie-woochie songs also fills the cultural void which is the mid Atlantic.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz.

[Jimbuna]

Oh well!!.....time to design some more pathetic smilies

[TomcatMVD]

Hey guys! What's the status on that virus causing CTD's on Balz game loads?... guys...?
GUYS?!


.....


P.S.: I'm a "China Sailor" now? WTF?!

[NealT]

Now we got two of them running around the Atlantic on the loose? What more can we take?

Don't worry Tom...it goes away soon.

[sunvalleyslim]

Balz, If you start twirling in the boat, you're liable to start an underwater ballet group......

[papa_smurf]

At this rate Balz will be after Doenitz's job!

[Brag]

Lt. Otto Kalb writes:

Some days things don't work. We overtook the convoy and positioned ourselves nicely in front of it.
"This is going to be a hoochie woochie day" Balz said as he hung onto the periscope. "Feur einz!"
"Something's gone wrong with the fruit machine," the torpedo officer said.
"Feur, zwei."
I held my breath, nothing.
"Something's wrong withe torpedo tube."
"Bernaaard."
Ping, ping, ping.
Waht in the GWX is going on." Balz swung the periscope toward the stern. "Bloody GWX. Ahead flank, down to one hundred meters. New course 250."
I listened to the screws of the escort go overhead.
"Can I say Wasserbomben?" Bernard asked.
Explosions rocked the U-Boot.
Balz turned the tea cozy on his head.
As we approached one hundred meters the ull began to groan like a wounded whale. A destroyer dumped a large number of depth charges.
"Up to ninety meters."
That bloody tanker that fired its flack gun at us must have caused a lot more damage than we thought.
"Flank speed."
" Rudder starboard 10 degrees."
Another DC salvo rattled my nerves more than the boat. The three escorts circling above were losing acuracy.
"Hoochie woochie boom-boom," Balz sang, "Hoooochie wooochie, hoochie woochie, hoochie woochie boom-boom."
As the explosions became more distant the soundman reported a contact behind the convoy.
"We're going to sink something tonight. Let's see what's wrong with the TDC and those blasted tubes."
An hour later, we intercepted a tramp doing two knots and having a time with the heavy seas. Balz said to me, "You do this attack. Good practice, besides that will do nothing to my grandeur."
I made a good approach and had a perfect solution. "Feur einz!"
The torpedo wooshed out and exploded on arming.
"Feur zwei." The eel ran true, hit the ship and failed to explode.
"Feur drei."
The ship sank withing seconds.
Balz shook his head. "Leutnant Kalb, you must have beaten a record in sinking leaking tubs. We may as well head home for a nice beuf bourgignon and a bottle of Bordeaux."

[Brag]

GRRRR! Balz's career did it again. But, Klapp loaded okay. At this rate Fogh's dream might be realized and Balz end up with a desk job.