The Bilge

[swamprat69er]

Originally Posted by Tango589

6 large fish and chip dinners.

Tuna?

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Tango589

If I'm doing the cooking I can use the sins dropped in the confession box to add some much needed roughage to the diet. I don't know where the hell Donna kept the ingredients but there's nothing in here apart from some strips of shoe leather, a jar full of long deceased cockroaches, gravy granules, some of those weird mushrooms I had to endure recently and half a bottle of salad cream that has gone green round the gills. So, seeing as we're still in dock, I nominate Swampy to take some cash out of the kitty and come back with 6 large fish and chip dinners. Anyone who wishes to stop by the galley with recipe ideas will receive 3 Hail Marys, a benediction and a shot of Communion Brew (Bilge Brew with an added extra shot of bilge water that has been three-times blessed by Pope Benedictus the Umpteenth).

Our food supplies are limited because it's a one way trip to Wewak. Back during WW1 when Wolferz was a young Lt, he led a mutiny of his first command where we lived among the natives. Please note, I was tricked to go along.We left Norfolk in small minelayer, went south, through the Panama Canal and got lost in the vastness of the Pacific..

Things went well at first, we made friends, danced, drank and learned to enjoy the native diet. Here is a picture of Wolferz and Wern. Wolferz fell madly in love with Chief Buka's daughter in this photo named Kinki.


Chief Buka declared that Wolferz would take his daughters hand in marriage to provide him many grandchildren.



Well, Wolferz was all good about it, until he found out he wasn't being married to Kinki, but her sister, Princess Lulu.



Wolferz tried to get out of the wedding, but was forced and over the next 10 years Lulu provided Wolferz with 13 children. We finally planned our escape during the festivus of bull testes. We took the one remaining lifeboat and spent 32 days at sea. It got bad, we got hungry. I knew death was upon me, so I proudly stood bare before the men and said "when I die, please eat my flesh so you may live." After vomiting from overwhelming sadness, Wolferz somehow found energy, stood up and ordered the men to ROW...and we made it back home..





I believe Wolferz plans to return to Wewak and find his first love Kinki after seeking revenge on Chief Buka and Lulu...

Some think I'm mad, I'm just in the know...

[Jimbuna]

^ Possibly the best and funniest post on this thread.

[Armistead]

I think I will nominate "The Bilge" for thread of the year. With our vast membership it would be a powerful voting block and with a win for Wolferz. maybe we would be taken seriously.

[Aktungbby]

What a beautiful post! Completely illustrated! Kinda rubs off! And I can see where in a starved fit of messianic ennui and torper you might offer your dessicated corpus not delicti for the communal gnaw. We have 'beef Wellington' 'Chicken Marengo' 'Eggs Benedict' even the Sandwich(after the earl) Now we will have Rûmpe d' Armístèd Fricásee in a brown sugar/rum(Pusser's) mustard glaze(to hide the taste) with capers, a side of collard greens and corn pone from your cob stash by the head and a garnish of Catfish's hallucinatory mushrooms. With some of Pádre Tango's communion Chianti!!

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Armistead

I think I will nominate "The Bilge" for thread of the year. With our vast membership it would be a powerful voting block and with a win for Wolferz. maybe we would be taken seriously.

I didn't mean to suggest it was that good

[Tango589]

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

Now we will have Rûmpe d' Armístèd Fricásee in a brown sugar/rum(Pusser's) mustard glaze(to hide the taste) with capers, a side of collard greens and corn pone from your cob stash by the head and a garnish of Catfish's hallucinatory mushrooms. With some of tango's communion Chianti!!

Well, that's dinner decided, except I'll be serving goat instead of Zods' butt cheeks. Also, I don't have any brown sugar, rum, mustard, capers or collard greens, so it's goat with hallucinatory mushrooms and corn pone served with iffy salad cream and seasoned with finely ground 'roaches. Bon Apetite!

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

I didn't mean to suggest it was that good

Do they have to be good? Slowly our numbers grow as we take more and more power here at Subsim. A win in the contest would be good advertising, nothing more......and we have the numbers to do it....

[Aktungbby]

Originally Posted by Tango589

Well, that's dinner decided, except I'll be serving goat instead of Zods' butt cheeks. Also, I don't have any brown sugar, rum, mustard, capers or collard greens, so it's goat with hallucinatory mushrooms and corn pone served with iffy salad cream and seasoned with finely ground 'roaches. Bon Apetite!

Well green mold from the head plumbing will do for greens. No messin' with the pone though: White corn meal 10 lb mix cornmeal, sugar and salt in a big bowl; Sugar 24 oz; mix in hot shortening, add hot water in portions, mixing Salt 8 oz with a large serving spoon dish cornpone onto greased sheet pan; Shortening (grease drippin's from Armi's roasting rump may be substituted along with whatever Afto-o-glide he left us!) hot 3.5 lb bake on 475F to done, about 45 min, tops will be brown Water hot; about 4 gal Makes about 200 pones. In the South, where it was wheat biscuits for the gentry and corn pones for the slaves... well...Slaves or bilgerats-small difference! and for those loooong silent approaches to set Armistead's spar torpedo, the extra pones will sustain us so we don't chew the crank bench seat-wood to splinters. We'll save the goat for a 'victory' meal after we actually sink something!

[Armistead]

Don't forget, we'll be fishing while on patrol. I plan to troll for some grouper.

Donna also kept the secret ingredient on the top shelf, she called it "crab pepper." It's actually pubic lice we pick off each other like monkeys, instead of disposing it, she put it in a pepper shaker...

[Wolferz]

Armistead graciously drove around Wewak as we looked for the chief and took him to the club.

Yes, that's a genuine Wewak Slugger. After seeing this picture, I should have taken my Hell's angel's suggestion and wore a helmet. The hair was really scaring the common folk on the island.

We could have left the island long before the nuptials if Armistead hadn't sank our damned ship!

[Armistead]

C'mon, that was a picture the Wewak News took of us as we escaped through town....We just ran out of gas.....Later, it became a wanted poster and we made our way through the jungle, found the rest the crew and escaped on our lifeboat.

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

C'mon, that was a picture the Wewak News took of us as we escaped through town....We just ran out of gas.....Later, it became a wanted poster and we made our way through the jungle, found the rest the crew and escaped on our lifeboat.

That picture was from the return to Wewak trip.
The chief looked better with that big old knot on his head and the bone knocked out of his nose.
I'm still saddened at not finding Kinki. I guess they sacrificed her to the volcano.

Want me to post the pics from our visit to the Isle of Sodom?

[swamprat69er]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

I'm still saddened at not finding Kinki. I guess they sacrificed her to the volcano.

There is lots of luvin' in Lulu. Just don't run out of sacks!

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

That picture was from the return to Wewak trip.
The chief looked better with that big old knot on his head and the bone knocked out of his nose.
I'm still saddened at not finding Kinki. I guess they sacrificed her to the volcano.

Want me to post the pics from our visit to the Isle of Sodom?

Look, I was forced to do that stuff, I only smiled in the pics hoping they thought I enjoyed it and would relent...