The Bilge

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

but donna always made coffee for just me...I think youre pushing your leadership a lil far....we hugged and I'm still Chairman with all the power that implies...Let it be a truce.....you can have donna, she's too hairy for me now anyway.....I'll let fireftr take her position under me...

You'll remember the price of attempted greatness for a long time to come.

Please note section 10.2-C, paragraph 12 of the Bilge UCMJ in regard to failed attempts at mutiny. Any scallywag rat convicted of such treason on the high seas or while berthed in port will forfeit all perks associated with his/her position. Yes, that means we're taking the gold plated seat off your I-crapper too. It should build morale after we install it on the enlisted head.



The constant; "Who plants his tush on a gold plated toilet seat?... This guy!" was starting to become boring. We all thought it would wear off after awhile, but it didn't. At least you don't need to strain your flabby muscles flushing that top of the line auto flushing I-crapper.
Now that I think about it, that award is what started this whole sordid mess in the first place. Any future award nominations must be submitted to me in triplicate along with $118.14 for processing and handling.

Note to all Bilge crew,
Effective immediately. Do not put snot in your footlocker or foot in your snotlocker. It's a health code thang.

That is all.

[Armistead]

I know section 10.2-C, paragraph 12 of the Bilge UCMJ very well....I wrote it and also wrote paragraph 13.

"any member at anytime can bring forth charges of impeachment to members in office without fear under antidiscrimination and whistleblower protection laws; AKA "NO FEAR ACT." If charges of impeachment are found to be false, said filing member is to suffer no more than 30 days punishment as deemed by the B.O.D" Member filing is to be free from intimidation, insult, or ridicule based on race, color, religion, sexual preference - {gay, straight, bi sexual, trans sexual, asexual, multisexual, beastaility, fetish of feet, bodypainting} -, gender, or national origin."

You survived this one, {thanks to Aktungs failures} maybe even more powerful than before...I submit myself to the depths of the bilge for 30 days as a gesture to your power or until the BOD is able to perform it's needed functions.

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

I know section 10.2-C, paragraph 12 of the Bilge UCMJ very well....I wrote it and also wrote paragraph 13.

"any member at anytime can bring forth charges of impeachment to members in office without fear under antidiscrimination and whistleblower protection laws; AKA "NO FEAR ACT." If charges of impeachment are found to be false, said filing member is to suffer no more than 30 days punishment as deemed by the B.O.D" Member filing is to be free from intimidation, insult, or ridicule based on race, color, religion, sexual preference - {gay, straight, bi sexual, trans sexual, asexual, multisexual, beastaility, fetish of feet, bodypainting} -, gender, or national origin."

You survived this one, {thanks to Aktungs failures} maybe even more powerful than before...I submit myself to the depths of the bilge for 30 days as a gesture to your power or until the BOD is able to perform it's needed functions.

Tew werds...
StripCheese.

[Aktungbby]

Originally Posted by Armistead

I never liked Aktungbby...I consider him a humbug, a man of small capacity, very obstinate, not at all chivalrous, exceedingly conceited, and totally selfish.

The very(required) definition of a bilgerat rat initiate, as set forth in the CC&R's of the Bilgerat Code; I'm appalled you left out misanthropic; it has taken me decades to become such; having started out with mere bigotry: against lab rats, tunnel rats, THE rat pack, swamp rats and lesser rodentia...all the way to full-fledged Misanthrope!

...I cannot kill a fellow rat, not now, I would rather fall on my sword....

HMMM NOW Where did this fresh idea spring from suddenly? remember: when 'offing' thusly, to consider the gravity of the situation. Don't make a muck of it! The Japs generally have a buddy to keep it tidy!

To be honest, I'm not sure anymore of myself,... I even dribble

Honesty is an impermissible virtue in a bilgerat! You may recall at the initiation you are required to show capacity to lie-even unto to yourself-Prevarication and pure hokum are the benchmarks of our fellowship...ie keep telling yourself that sword is a very long one...at our age, any dribble is a good dribble-keep your aim true!

[Armistead]

Aktung, thrown into the pile of forgotten rat skeletons...Maybe Wolferz will show mercy to you. He's like that German officer in that movie that got off saying "I'm merciful." if it makes him feel powerful. Don't forget to kiss the ring when he extends his hand....the ring Aktung...

Anyway, I've got to replace that leaking flange where the sewer keeps leaking out....

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Aktung, thrown into the pile of forgotten rat skeletons...Maybe Wolferz will show mercy to you. He's like that German officer in that movie that got off saying "I'm merciful." if it makes him feel powerful. Don't forget to kiss the ring when he extends his hand....the ring Aktung...

Anyway, I've got to replace that leaking flange where the sewer keeps leaking out....

You told me you finished that repair a week ago. The sewage leaking into the galley wasn't whetting any appetites for Donna's cooking.
Must be why everything has been served burnt. She's minding the stove from the conning tower couch, like my dear wife does at home.
I swear they were both misnamed at birth. Should have been named Peggy instead of Donna.

Oh well, back to the crap game.

PS: Most of the crew likes to kiss my Precious.

[Armistead]

Had to order real caulking, donna's oatmeal didn't last...

[Armistead]

Didn't you promise the rats a return to patrol....can't you least get us an old S-boat? Losing my sea legs down here, I need to feel the mist in my face, instead of Captgeo's spit when he talks ..

[Wolferz]

Got us a nice shiny new Narwhal. Well, new to us anyways.

First run, of all things, is to haul a load of pig manure to Luzon for the Provost Marshall's garden. Just to keep the Muzzies out of his tomatoes.

I'm just glad it wasn't another pig boat! Though it would probably smell the same.

Prepare to get underway.

[Armistead]

Great, it's been a long time....Am I the Captain, Exec....I'll be sure to do a complete report..

No such thing as a new Narwhal in 44....{BTW, can you make it a S class, don't have many Narwhal SS}

[Tango589]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I blow the ships whistle when we leave?

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Great, it's been a long time....Am I the Captain, Exec....I'll be sure to do a complete report..

No such thing as a new Narwhal in 44....{BTW, can you make it a S class, don't have many Narwhal SS}

It's a Narwhal. A well used Narwhal.

You want an S boat because you have loads of pictures?

Shaazzaam! Lousy pig boat!

You get second chair this trip and I'll call you number two and you can tell me; "number one, take a number two."

It beats being a red shirt so don't complain.

Originally Posted by Tango589

Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I blow the ships whistle when we leave?

What whistle? Wee doan NEED no Steenking wheestle!
We usually let Armistead fart us out of port.
Do you really want to put on the big sailor pants and pull THAT finger?


Lady and gentlemen. Please observe that the captain has turned on the NO SMOKING, NO OPEN LIGHTS, NO BREATHING signs.


.

[Armistead]

Yes Sar!

Crew has been transported to new ship Sir..
Gear and crew secured.
Torpedoes being loaded Sir
Repairs complete Sir.

Sir, we're bringing Donna, we've cut her hair and with her hairy legs and chest, I think she'll pass as a mess boy Sir...

Bringing Wern's remains for burial at sea...Sir.

I suggest we test the guns, Sir?

We're scheduled for our shakedown cruise tomorrow Sir.

and

[Wolferz]

Socko will have his eye on you.

[Armistead]

haha....forgot all about Socko..