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Old 08-26-11, 08:11 AM   #16
Brag
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Chapters 5, 6, 7, are up.
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Old 08-26-11, 01:29 PM   #17
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Quote:
The earliest date was 18 April 1945, the day after the war ended.
But VE day was May 8th, error or is it referring to something else?

Exciting story so far!
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Old 08-26-11, 01:53 PM   #18
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OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the heads uo
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Old 08-26-11, 03:17 PM   #19
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Excellent reading Alex
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Old 08-26-11, 08:15 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Brag View Post
OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the heads uo
there was also another quote missing a quotation mark somewhere before that, but I forgot where it was exactly.

keep up the story though, its a great read!
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Old 08-31-11, 09:29 AM   #21
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Chapters 8 and 9 are up!
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Old 08-31-11, 09:34 AM   #22
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Good ... I still read,
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Old 09-02-11, 09:48 AM   #23
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Chapters 10 and 11 are up.
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Old 09-02-11, 01:49 PM   #24
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Quote:
Appearing to have forgotten them, Dougan spooned ice ream.
typo
keep it up!
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Old 09-02-11, 02:24 PM   #25
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Keep it coming
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Old 09-07-11, 10:05 AM   #26
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New insallment up
Don,t be shy to comment, if you don't like it
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Old 09-07-11, 10:09 AM   #27
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Do not ever .... read something that is not good from you,
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Old 09-07-11, 10:50 AM   #28
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...i like it. i think it snaps along nicely from what i have read so far.

my only thing is this:His gaze rested on the laptop sitting on a 1930s style chest of drawers matching an armoire of the same period.'


i think this sentence is a bit clunky and a a bit long winded. i think you should name the 1930's style chest of drawers - the design/period, the maker. i think it would tighten this sentence and lend it more brevity and polish, because the rest of the writing clicks along smoothly in terse dialogue and narrative. name things when they can be named, Art Deco, perhaps?

have i gone too far? no offence intended
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Old 09-07-11, 01:11 PM   #29
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Flag, great suggestion! it is clunky a clunky sentence. Many thanks!
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Old 09-07-11, 03:33 PM   #30
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hi Brag

if you have not already read this book then give it a try. the writing is tight and compressed, a classic war time adventure story.
along the thoughts i have spoken (...but who am i to speek? - you have been published!!)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rogue-Male-G...5426987&sr=1-1

i hope this link works, if not, the writers name and novel are Geoffrey Household - Rogue Male.

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