04 September 1939 First Blood (BALZ)

[Brag]

TO: BDU
FROM: U-45 Balz

To my commander, greetings and hi to Hitler
Since we are at war, I regret to inform you we have sunk a tanker of 3,000 BRT. It was a nice tanker before I conducted a masterful submerged attack to become a hero of the Kriegsmarine. Now, the tanker is a wreck on the first day of war without peace.

END
Balz

As the radioman sent the message, 2nd watch officer Roland Gwitzheld wrote in his personal diary.

We were submerged whrn the soundman reported a contact of a vessel approaching. Balz immediately cancelled choir practice and sent everyone to action stations singing the hoochie-woochie.

We remained submerged as we were in a perfect attack position.

When the target was at 020 RB and 600 meters, Balz fired two torpedoes.
The stop watch ran its time.
"If I knew how to say merde alors in japanese while speaking French I´d say we missed."
"We got two good hits, her Kaleun," the soundman said.
Balz fired two more torpedoes. He then turned away from the periscope. "Filthy duds," he shouted.
Bernard shook his head. "Those weren´t duds," he said as a torpedo exploded.
"There was no kaboom. Those first two torpedoes were duds."
" No duds," Bernard insisted.
"Yes, duds," Balz shook his fist.
"No duds."
"Then what were they?"
"They were practice torpedoes, Herr Kaleun."
"How do you know?"
"I loaded them myself." Bernard said with a smug expression on his face.
"Wa...wa ... what? Red in the face, Balz grabbed Bernard by the throat. "Why did you do that, you moron?
"So we could practice while on patrol. You have said yourself, practice makes perfect."

[Brag]

Our Ubootwaffe is clearing the seas and strangling British sea commerce. U-45 commanded by Lt ZS Johan Sebastian Balz sank 3 ships, 2 tankers and a coastal freighter, before breakfast. He predicts the war will be over in the next few hours.

With me in the Kriegsmarine, Germany is invincible. He reported over the radio.

Balz´s tonnage so far, is 13,319 tons.

(Lehman News)

[Sailor Steve]

It's good to know Balz is on the ball and Bernard is on the spot, as always.

[frau kaleun]

You had me at

hi to Hitler

[papa_smurf]

The war will be over by christmas

[Jimbuna]

"They were practice torpedoes, Herr Kaleun."

[Brag]

Mayhem on the high seas continues.

04 September, 1100 hours. U-45 samk a passenger - cargo ship SW of England. Captain Balz urged Prime Minister Nevil Chamberlain to quickly surrender.

In an exlusive interview with Radio Lehman News, Capt. Balz stated. By the use of loxodromic convergence forces and the meeting if iconoclastic rumboids in these convergence zones I will find and then demolish not only the whole British merchant navy but also that collection of sardine cans that form part of the Royal Navy.

And we´ll do this dancing the Hoochie-woochie

[papa_smurf]

By the use of loxodromic convergence forces and the meeting if iconoclastic rumboids rumboids in these convergence zones

Whats this? some new tactic we dont yet know about

[TarJak]

There are far too few tea cosy's in these reports Brag. Return to port immediately to get a new one.

[Paul Riley]

I dont know where Brag gets all his ideas from but its as funny as hell

Balz - "oh,and say hi to Hitler for me?"
Hitler" - well hi there sailor,how sweet of you to mention me!,I thought all my friends hated me really!" *Hitler blushes immediately at the affection so seldomly placed upon him before doing a little dance shuffle on the spot*

[Brag]

From:

Das Nord See Tagesblat

21 September 1939
U-45, commanded by Lt. Z.S. Johan Sebastian Balz returned to its home port today. This U-boat sank four ships on the first day of the war. On disembarking, Capt. Balz reported 19,000 tons of British shipping sunk and asked the flotilla commander if there was a shortage of medal making materials.