Smoke of doom (balz)

Brag · 08-06-09, 01:23 PM

Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:

Several weeks passed since the raid on Labuan. Constantly showing his skills and ability, Balz trained his pirates.

Meanwhile, influenced by Balz’s artistic influence, Sandokan took to wearing a chicken tea cozy instead of his turban. He also built a gazebo on the beach where he sat placidly and drank tea when storms lashed the coast.

On February 21 1926 Sandokan came aboard Balz’s pirahu, which now was called Hoochie Woochie Queen, to observe the new method of running a pirate ship.

Under Balz’s skillful command, the Hoochie Woochie Queen cleared the cove, Balz said. “Now I will demonstrate how we have simplified the nautical maneuvering of a ship by using the fabulous Balz method of maneuvering a veseel in the high seas even when the tide is not high.”
And what happens when the tide is high?” Sandokan asked.
“We operate then in the higher high seas.” Balz lit a cigar and leaned on the stern rail. He readjusted the bunny tea cozy on his head and smiled.
“Ok, let’s see,” Sandokan tugged at his beard.

After taking a long drag of his cigar, Balz yelled, “Stand by to Balz to port.”

The crew took their positions.
“Balz alee!”
The crew tightened the sails and the helmsman twirled the helm. The ship turned onto the port tack and paralleled the beach.
“Balz out the cannon.”
The crew quickly, rolled the eight guns against the gun ports.
“Balz-a-port, Balz-a-starboard—Balzakaboom.”
The guns fired a salvo to both sides of the pirate vessel.
“Very impressive,” Sandokan said. “How come you destroyed my new beachside gazebo?”
“Oh.” Balz scanned the shore with his binoculars. There was also black smoke coming from where Sandokan’s kitchen once stood. “Because it was there. If you would have built your gazebo elsewhere--.”
“I build gazebos wherever I want.”
Balz shrugged and tried to change the subject. “I think we will have scorched bits of goat for dinner.”
Sandokan frowned. “Another problem with all your training is, we have neglected our calling of pillaging and looting. We have a negative cash flow.”
Balz thought for a few moments and inspiration filled his brain. “My great intellect has invented a new form of piracy.”
“Oh?
We will steal an opera and sell tickets.”
“Opera?”
“Sure, we take Bizet’s Les Pecheurs de Perles, change the name to Les Pirates de—“
“And be accused of plagiarism?”
“We would invite Lord Brooke who would bring his two thousand Sepoys and the Ghurkas.” Balz grinned astounded at his own cleverness. “We would have a sell out crowd.” He spread his arms in an expansive gesture. “Imagine me in the lead role, singing a la hoochie woochie.”
Sandokan’s eyes danced betraying an interior fire. “First, you destroy my gazebo, then you destroy my kitchen. Now, you want to destroy my reputation as a blood thirsty, ferocious pirate.”
“Ferocious pirates don’t worry about gazebos,” Balz shot back.
“I worry about anything I feel like worrying.”
“Do you feel well worrying?”
“I do everything well that I feel.”
“I feel we need to change the subject, don’t you feel that way, too?”
“I don’t care what you feel because if you feel like I feel you wouldn’t want to feel it.”
Not wanting to talk about feelings, Balz crossed his arms and scanned the horizon.
Four plumes of smoke ruined Balz’s, so far, pleasant morning.
Sandokan saw them, too. “The Royal Navy,” he muttered.
“The leading ship is ahead of the ones behind it,” Balz observed. “The second ship is behind the first ship but ahead of the third and fourth ships.”
Sandokan’s voice rose in pitch, “The fourth ship is behind the others.”
“And the third ship is behind the second ship but ahead of the fourth,” Balz added. “I feel here comes trouble.”

meduza · 08-06-09, 01:54 PM

Another good one, as always

Betonov · 08-06-09, 02:23 PM

The wordplays are on the level of Gosciny and Uderzo (Asterix)

Keep em coming

A little off topic, if anyone seen the movie Snatch (2000), one off the characters (4 fingers) is shot wearing a teacosy on his head

Task Force · 08-06-09, 02:27 PM

nice to see anouther balz adventrue Brag.

Brag · 08-06-09, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betonov

The wordplays are on the level of Gosciny and Uderzo (Asterix)

Keep em coming

A little off topic, if anyone seen the movie Snatch (2000), one off the characters (4 fingers) is shot wearing a teacosy on his head

Tea cozies are not off topic

Task Force · 08-06-09, 02:49 PM

Now to find that teacozey pic. lol:rotfl:

Betonov · 08-06-09, 03:13 PM

fast forward to 5:30

it's not a pic, but made me laugh my stern off

sunvalleyslim · 08-06-09, 03:38 PM

great one Brag, the suspense is building.......

U-46 Commander · 08-06-09, 06:19 PM

Save us from the green banana!

Task Force · 08-06-09, 06:34 PM

So when does bernard come into the story... lol:rotfl:

papa_smurf · 08-07-09, 04:40 AM

Quote:

So when does bernard come into the story... lol:rotfl:

I'm sure we'll soon find out.

Jimbuna · 08-07-09, 07:32 AM

Quote:

We will steal an opera and sell tickets

Pirates of Penzance no doubt

08-06-09, 01:23 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Smoke of doom (balz) Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes: Several weeks passed since the raid on Labuan. Constantly showing his skills and ability, Balz trained his pirates. Meanwhile, influenced by Balz’s artistic influence, Sandokan took to wearing a chicken tea cozy instead of his turban. He also built a gazebo on the beach where he sat placidly and drank tea when storms lashed the coast. On February 21 1926 Sandokan came aboard Balz’s pirahu, which now was called Hoochie Woochie Queen, to observe the new method of running a pirate ship. Under Balz’s skillful command, the Hoochie Woochie Queen cleared the cove, Balz said. “Now I will demonstrate how we have simplified the nautical maneuvering of a ship by using the fabulous Balz method of maneuvering a veseel in the high seas even when the tide is not high.” And what happens when the tide is high?” Sandokan asked. “We operate then in the higher high seas.” Balz lit a cigar and leaned on the stern rail. He readjusted the bunny tea cozy on his head and smiled. “Ok, let’s see,” Sandokan tugged at his beard. After taking a long drag of his cigar, Balz yelled, “Stand by to Balz to port.” The crew took their positions. “Balz alee!” The crew tightened the sails and the helmsman twirled the helm. The ship turned onto the port tack and paralleled the beach. “Balz out the cannon.” The crew quickly, rolled the eight guns against the gun ports. “Balz-a-port, Balz-a-starboard—Balzakaboom.” The guns fired a salvo to both sides of the pirate vessel. “Very impressive,” Sandokan said. “How come you destroyed my new beachside gazebo?” “Oh.” Balz scanned the shore with his binoculars. There was also black smoke coming from where Sandokan’s kitchen once stood. “Because it was there. If you would have built your gazebo elsewhere--.” “I build gazebos wherever I want.” Balz shrugged and tried to change the subject. “I think we will have scorched bits of goat for dinner.” Sandokan frowned. “Another problem with all your training is, we have neglected our calling of pillaging and looting. We have a negative cash flow.” Balz thought for a few moments and inspiration filled his brain. “My great intellect has invented a new form of piracy.” “Oh? We will steal an opera and sell tickets.” “Opera?” “Sure, we take Bizet’s Les Pecheurs de Perles, change the name to Les Pirates de—“ “And be accused of plagiarism?” “We would invite Lord Brooke who would bring his two thousand Sepoys and the Ghurkas.” Balz grinned astounded at his own cleverness. “We would have a sell out crowd.” He spread his arms in an expansive gesture. “Imagine me in the lead role, singing a la hoochie woochie.” Sandokan’s eyes danced betraying an interior fire. “First, you destroy my gazebo, then you destroy my kitchen. Now, you want to destroy my reputation as a blood thirsty, ferocious pirate.” “Ferocious pirates don’t worry about gazebos,” Balz shot back. “I worry about anything I feel like worrying.” “Do you feel well worrying?” “I do everything well that I feel.” “I feel we need to change the subject, don’t you feel that way, too?” “I don’t care what you feel because if you feel like I feel you wouldn’t want to feel it.” Not wanting to talk about feelings, Balz crossed his arms and scanned the horizon. Four plumes of smoke ruined Balz’s, so far, pleasant morning. Sandokan saw them, too. “The Royal Navy,” he muttered. “The leading ship is ahead of the ones behind it,” Balz observed. “The second ship is behind the first ship but ahead of the third and fourth ships.” Sandokan’s voice rose in pitch, “The fourth ship is behind the others.” “And the third ship is behind the second ship but ahead of the fourth,” Balz added. “I feel here comes trouble.” __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

08-06-09, 01:54 PM	#2
meduza Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: on patrol Posts: 1,035 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 0	Another good one, as always __________________

08-06-09, 02:27 PM	#4
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	nice to see anouther balz adventrue Brag. __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

08-06-09, 02:49 PM	#6
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Now to find that teacozey pic. lol:rotfl: __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

08-06-09, 03:38 PM	#8
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	great one Brag, the suspense is building....... __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

08-06-09, 02:23 PM	#3
Betonov Navy Seal Join Date: May 2009 Location: Slovenia Posts: 8,647 Downloads: 26 Uploads: 0	The wordplays are on the level of Gosciny and Uderzo (Asterix) Keep em coming A little off topic, if anyone seen the movie Snatch (2000), one off the characters (4 fingers) is shot wearing a teacosy on his head

08-06-09, 03:13 PM	#7
Betonov Navy Seal Join Date: May 2009 Location: Slovenia Posts: 8,647 Downloads: 26 Uploads: 0	fast forward to 5:30 it's not a pic, but made me laugh my stern off

08-06-09, 06:19 PM	#9
U-46 Commander Lieutenant Join Date: May 2008 Location: The absolutely most exciting state!! Iowa! Posts: 251 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 0	Save us from the green banana! __________________ "Loved By Few, Hated By Many, Respected By All."-The U-boats.

08-06-09, 06:34 PM	#10
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	So when does bernard come into the story... lol:rotfl: __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"