Life of Balz

[Brag]

Fritz Gwitz writes:

Having served on several patrols with Kaleun Johan Sebastian Balz, the great mariner and hero recognized my great writing ability and honored me by asking me to become his official biographer. I plan to go beyond writing a mere biography glorifying a great man. I intend to make this a masterpiece of German letters and world literature
. F.G.


Captain J.S. Balz was born in Shanghai on 24 December 1905. He was not born a captain as he was too young. His mother said that a bright star shone over the city as she brought J.S, Balz into this world. She knew that little Balz would grow up to be brilliant. Herr Rhinebert Balz, J.S. Balz's father, was reading the newspaper when the big event happened. Balz's crying interrupted Herr Balz's reading and he told Frau Balz to shut the little beggar up until he was finished reading the newspaper. Frau Balz, took little Balz into her arms and made little Balz become quiet so that Herr Balz could finish reading his newspaper.

By now the reader will have became aware the Herr Balz and Frau Balz were married before J.S. Balz was born. So, any reference to J.S. Balz questioning his parentage is not accurate.

Balz quickly acquired an ability for languages. On his first day, he said goo-goo, gaga. In German. This event was meticulously recorded by Frau Balz in her diary. On the following day, Herr Balz bought another newspaper and read it. Baby Balz, said googoo-gaga in Mandarin.

In August 1914, Herr Balz was recalled from his diplomatic post reading Chinese newspapers and was ordered into the Army where he wouldn't be reading Chinese newspapers.

Since the Transiberian railway was not suitable for German citizens to travel on, the Balz family went by sea and Frau Balz dressed J.S. Balz in a sailor suit. This scared J.S. Balz because he didn't want to work as a sailor on a Portuguese tramp steamer.

Soon, Balz learned that life inside a sailor suit was easy. He also learned that without Chinese newspapers to keep him occupied, Herr Balz spoke German. Herr Balz was a stern taskmaster. He ordered young Balz to go to the stern and learn Portuguese from the sailors taking smoking breaks there. While J.S. Balz learned Portuguese, millions of soldiers clashed in the biggest war ever known and the British Empire announced a blockade of the German Empire.

The German Empire announced a blockade of the British Empire and the Russian Empire. This showed that we, Germans, do things twice as well as the British.

To cross the Suez Canal, the Balz parents learned from J.S. Balz how to say, "Eu so falo Portugues."

As the ship approached the ditch across the merciless burning sands of the desert that was under firm control of the implacable enemy, the Balzes kept improving on their delivery of Eu so falo Portugues.

Watch for the next Balz-Bio installment.

[Weiss Pinguin]

While J.S. Balz learned Portuguese, millions of soldiers clashed in the biggest war ever known and the British Empire announced a blockade of the German Empire.

The German Empire announced a blockade of the British Empire and the Russian Empire. This showed that we, Germans, do things twice as well as the British.

:rotfl:

Looking forward to the next installment!

[Laufen zum Ziel]

Had me worried I thought Balz may be on leave or
looking for new choir members.

[bookworm_020]

So now we get to learn the offical back story of Baz!

[papa_smurf]

I wonder if we will learn anything new about Balz

(Can't wait for the next installment)

[coronas]

First calling...A vocational hero.
Great read, Brag!

[Jimbuna]

Good to see the return of the bafoon

[Brag]

In a couple of weeks, I will be moving and expect to be off line while looking for a place to live and then waiting to be connected. I will try to get a few installments written before hand so as not to deny Balz fans of their weekly fix.

Message to Neal: I like the new smileys.

[Rhodes]

It's good to know that J.S. Balz learned portuguese before even know german!!! (new smiley used)

[UnderseaLcpl]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[sunvalleyslim]

Excellent story about "Baby Balz"........

Good lock on your move Brag

[Brag]

We'll see if we can improve on Fritz Gwitz's writing

[Lt. Sven Thomsen]

He surely didn't have anything to do with Wilhelmshaven mutiny? It's beyond human imagination what impression did his greatness and/or tea cosy have on sailors who didn't have a proper way to vent off their energy since Jutland. And age ain't nothing but a #, right?

[Brag]

Originally Posted by Lt. Sven Thomsen

He surely didn't have anything to do with Wilhelmshaven mutiny? It's beyond human imagination what impression did his greatness and/or tea cosy have on sailors who didn't have a proper way to vent off their energy since Jutland. And age ain't nothing but a #, right?

All those events are comimg up. Balz will be 13 years old in 1918.

New Kingmaker Review:

Foma*: BooksFirst - January 2009