Being Romantic

Armistead · 11-01-13, 03:55 PM

OK guys, more wife issues....My wife said I'm not romantic like I was when we first met. I'm not sure what to do, I''m just not romantic, makes me feel silly.
Geez, we've been married about 18 years, who needs romance at our age. I don't know, any ideas what I need to do?

Herr-Berbunch · 11-01-13, 04:02 PM

Just a card thanking her for being great wife/mother/best friend/lover/etc.. Hand written where possible, and elaborately delivered.

Good luck.

Armistead · 11-01-13, 04:08 PM

I took her out for bbq last night......

Anyway, I found a roll of film from 16 years ago, has a few great pics of us, thinking I will get one blown up, frame it and just hang it on the wall.

Ducimus · 11-01-13, 04:28 PM

How I do hate it when they pull the Romance card.

Maybe if it's possible, try explaining to her that men do things (as opposed to just saying things) to express themselves. Ever make her lunch, or do her laundry or something along those lines? That's male speak for "I care about a lot about you, so I'm trying to help you", because if you didn't care, you wouldn't lift a finger would ya? I know I wouldn't.

I'm lucky though. My wife's father is the exact same way so she grew up realizing that her dads way of expressing himself was though deeds, not words. My dads the same way, and I get off the hook a little bit, but not entirely. My wife still expects me to be "Morantic" once in awhile, but probably to a degree less then other women.

Armistead · 11-01-13, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ducimus

How I do hate it when they pull the Romance card.

Maybe if it's possible, try explaining to her that men do things (as opposed to just saying things) to express themselves.

I tried that Duci...I clean and stuff...

She said that I never whisper "sweet nothings" in her ear when we make love. Last night, I kissed her and softly whispered in her ear "roll over" It didn't impress her....

My wife keeps me so confused...Other night we're laying in bed and she moans out "oh, I'm so hot" so I got naked and quickly jumped on, only to hear her say "get off idiot, I'm having a hot flash"

another wasted Viagra...

nikimcbee · 11-01-13, 05:13 PM

Quote:

My wife keeps me so confused...Other night we're laying in bed and she moans out "oh, I'm so hot" so I got naked and quickly jumped one, only to hear her say "get off idiot, I'm having a hot flash"

Man, that's false advertising.

I'd call the Attorney General and file suit.

u crank · 11-01-13, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

Next time leave out the 'Beethoven' unless yer' tappen' yer baton on the head board to keep time...

Long as she got a dime.....

Armistead · 11-01-13, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

Next time leave out the 'Beethoven' unless yer' tappen' yer baton on the head board to keep time...

Yes, I do that....

Jimbuna · 11-01-13, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

I took her out for bbq last night......

Anyway, I found a roll of film from 16 years ago, has a few great pics of us, thinking I will get one blown up, frame it and just hang it on the wall.

Only show her the ones where she is fully clothed.

nikimcbee · 11-01-13, 05:07 PM

This isn't another Taquita thread is it?

Quote:

I took her out for bbq last night......

I'd go out with you for BBQ.

Is it Texas BBQ?

Armistead · 11-01-13, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikimcbee

This isn't another Taquita thread is it?

I'd go out with you for BBQ.

Is it Texas BBQ?

WTH is a Taquita thread......

AVGWarhawk wouldn't like me taking you out.

Armistead · 11-01-13, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Only show her the ones where she is fully clothed.

Why....?

Oh, so she doesn't see how great she once looked naked...

got it..good idea

Platapus · 11-02-13, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

I''m just not romantic, makes me feel silly.

Then, simply you are doing it wrong. Don't confuse being romantic with the actions of demonstrating romance. There may be specific ways of demonstrating romance that you don't like. Then you don't have to do them. Find other ways of demonstrating romance that don't make you feel silly.

Quote:

Geez, we've been married about 18 years, who needs romance at our age.

First suggestion is to get rid of that attitude. Romance has zero to do with logic. Who needs romance at your age? Well for one, your wife does. And to an extent larger than you may realize, you need it.

Romance is like a fungus, it grows upon itself. OK, maybe that was not the optimum visual but you get the idea.

Romance is simply the plan to remove the following from a relationship.

1. Feeling being taken for granted. Protip: Whether you do or do not take your wife for granted has absolutely nothing to do with this. It is completely irrelevant and immaterial as they say on TV. The only thing that matters is whether your wife feels that you are taking her for granted.

Implementation: Thank her for stuff that she really should not need to be thanked for. Express appreciation for her doing "what is expected". Show gratitude for the ordinary.

2. Feeling like the "conquest" is over. Do you find your wife still attractive enough to pursue her if you were not already married. Hint: The answer is yes. You know it. You need to let her know it... and not just when you want a piece. Show her, in no uncertain terms, that you would prefer being around her more than being around any other woman.

Implementation: Touching. The Womenfolk dig and like touching. Not just grabbing a handful of goodies. Just a light touch on the arm/hand when you are out in public. As a guy who is naturally not a touchy guy, it took me a long time to learn this. Look at her. Look at her as if you are a guy looking at the woman he loves (which you is). Not a pervy look. A look that shows her that you are looking at her as a person.

Your wife, after 18 years, knows you. Knows you pretty well. Already knows that you have difficulties expressing romance. Don't try to fool her. If you were to suddenly start waxing poetically with arms of flowers, she would know it was contrived. The key to expressing romance is small and often. Be sincere. If you can fake that you got it made.

It is not the diamond rings or the cruise vacation. Those are nice. It is not the Roses on Valentines day or the expensive jewelry on her birthday. Those are anticipated. Its the little things that you do; not because of a date on a calender, but the things you do because every day with her is a special day.

Every day with her is a special day.

The best part about romance is that no one other than your wife would be aware of it. So there is no need to feel silly. Nothing I suggested requires anything to be purchased. In my opinion, romance and buying stuff don't really go together.

You wife wants to feel connected to you. Not just sexually, but intellectually, emotionally, economically, (add a few dozen more similar words). Your wife completes you and that's a pretty nice thing she does.

Let her know that you know that she knows... wait. You want her to know that you know that she knows.. damn. Just fricking tell her!!

You do have one advantage. You are a man. Society and your wife set some incredibly low standards when it comes to romance. This is one aspect of life where you get credit just for trying. Some may say that in romance it is ONLY that you are trying that matters.

In a woman's heart, there is nothing larger than the small stuff. Nothing is more important to hear that that which does not need to be said.

Good luck with it. I am also approaching 18 years with The Frau. I have been in your shoes (BTW wash your socks once in a while huh). I have made a lot of mistakes and actually done some good things romance wise. But I try. I keep trying. And for some odd reason, that seems enough to her.

Jimbuna · 11-02-13, 01:04 PM

I sense a response inbound.

Sailor Steve · 11-02-13, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

Shorten this up for RED OCTOBER could ya...good to see the usual culprits rippin' up a thread together if only Dönitz had had us in the same pack...

Your starting to spam. The insults aren't helping either.

11-01-13, 03:55 PM	#1
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	Being Romantic OK guys, more wife issues....My wife said I'm not romantic like I was when we first met. I'm not sure what to do, I''m just not romantic, makes me feel silly. Geez, we've been married about 18 years, who needs romance at our age. I don't know, any ideas what I need to do? __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

11-01-13, 04:02 PM	#2
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Just a card thanking her for being great wife/mother/best friend/lover/etc.. Hand written where possible, and elaborately delivered. Good luck. __________________

11-01-13, 04:08 PM	#3
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	I took her out for bbq last night...... Anyway, I found a roll of film from 16 years ago, has a few great pics of us, thinking I will get one blown up, frame it and just hang it on the wall. __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

11-02-13, 01:04 PM	#14
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,992 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I sense a response inbound. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-01-13, 04:28 PM	#4
Ducimus Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,987 Downloads: 67 Uploads: 2	How I do hate it when they pull the Romance card. Maybe if it's possible, try explaining to her that men do things (as opposed to just saying things) to express themselves. Ever make her lunch, or do her laundry or something along those lines? That's male speak for "I care about a lot about you, so I'm trying to help you", because if you didn't care, you wouldn't lift a finger would ya? I know I wouldn't. I'm lucky though. My wife's father is the exact same way so she grew up realizing that her dads way of expressing himself was though deeds, not words. My dads the same way, and I get off the hook a little bit, but not entirely. My wife still expects me to be "Morantic" once in awhile, but probably to a degree less then other women.